


Mass Effect: Broken Universe

by CReed



Series: The Universe Imploded: Mass Effect Alternate Timeline [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Universe, Just a bit of fun, Kaidan "Psychotic Biotic" Alenko, Kaidan and Jack switch-a-roo, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-03
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2017-12-25 10:55:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 74,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/952245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CReed/pseuds/CReed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the defeat of Saren, the crew of the Normandy look to have some mundane missions, maybe even some drinks on the Citadel. But we all know how that went. Commander Shepard survives death, forced into a position he never thought he would be in—working with the enemy to fulfill a common goal. Will he learn to trust those that saved him? Has he turned his back on everything he once swore loyalty? After death and seeing a portion of the horrors he will face, such questions seem so pointless. Shepard just hopes he doesn't buckle beneath the weight of the galaxy. And who is the “Psychotic Biotic” rumored to be in the worst prison in the entire galaxy? Will Shepard doom the mission, and lose himself, by setting this monster free?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, bear with me. I just had this idea pop into my head and it seems like it's going to be so frakking fun to write. The basic kernel of thought was the idea of Kaidan being taken by Cerberus all those years ago instead of Jack. What would they be like?
> 
> If it's not good I'll let it drop. I don't usually fish for comments, but let me know if this is something worth finishing. I hope everyone reading enjoys.
> 
> Disclaimer: Mass Effect, and everything involved with it, does not belong to me. Thank Bioware for that. I am only a humble writer, practicing and having fun. I do not want, have received, or intend to make monetary gains from this.

**Mass Effect: Broken Universe**

**Prologue**

There was something to be said about living spare. Spartan, is what some called it. Frugal. Cheap. Dull. Many words for it. Shepard just called it “easy.” It made going on extended shore leave painless. All he had to do was empty one locker into one bag. All of his weapons and ammo were taken care of by the Requisitions Officer, so filling his one bag was what he set about doing. Then: onto some cold drinks and maybe even some heat between crisp, soft sheets. He could dream.

Until he heard footsteps approaching, that is. He knew that gait. Quick and light—she could have been a dancer. She was a hell of a sight on the battlefield. A dance of a different kind. Those boots stopped right behind him and he knew the time of friendly avoidance was over. He zipped up his bag and stood to face her.

“Commander.”

“Lieutenant.”

Jennifer began to fidget, kick the floor with the blunt toe of her shoe. Shepard put more effort into looking non-threatening. Finally she looked up once more, calm and steeled.

“Crazy ride, huh?”

Shepard nodded, shifting his weight off his sore ankle and moving his arm ever so slightly in its sling. “Got a little bumpy but I had a damn fine crew to pull us out of the worst.”

“Yeah...so... Are you heading out soon?”

“Almost. I have to stop by Anderson's office first.”

“Staying on the Citadel?”

He scoffed and shook his head. “No. I think I've seen enough of this place for as long as possible. I'll take my down-time on Earth.” He patted her on the arm, giving her biceps a good squeeze. “I think we've all earned time away from here. Which reminds me, I need to make sure Garrus doesn't decide to just blow the rest of it up.”

When that didn't get a laugh or even a smile he waited with his hand still lingering on her arm with a reassuring pressure. He knew what this was about. Call him a coward but he wasn't going to force the subject if she wasn't willing to bring it up. A part of him wished to be done with it. His lieutenant had been so different, with good reason, lately. Yet, another part of him dreaded the inevitable. Finally, she surprised him by showing some of her old colorful personality when she cursed under her breath.

“Shit. This isn't what I wanted... Look, Shepard,” she sighed and ran a hand still covered in healing cuts from the last fight with Saren over her shaved head. “It might be inappropriate to do this, but until the guys who wrote the books on Battlefield Etiquette actually live through this, I won't listen to them: thank you.” He opened his mouth but she pressed on as his hand fell away from her. “I know it's not a question of thanking you for saving my life—we've done that for each other enough times. I just... I want you to know that I won't let you down. I won't let your choice mean nothing. Or Ashley's.”

“You're a fine soldier, Jennifer. It wasn't Ashley's, yours or my fault. She knew the score, what might happen, and she wouldn't want you torturing yourself. Don't doubt that more will be lost before this is over. But we are ready for them. We'll make them pay for Ashley. We'll make the Reapers regret ever waking up again.”

Her back straightened and she gave him a salute. Every ounce of her anger and grief was in that one small gesture. “Kick 'em right back to Hell, Commander.”

He nodded and she eased, weeks' worth of uncertainties seemingly lessened by his words. Reaching down for his bag, she smiled at his groan. Cold, strong drinks were definitely top priority. “So, are you headed home?”

“Yeah. After everything that happened—all those close calls? I need to spend some time with the folks. Spend time with everyone that matters.”

“Good call, Lieutenant.” Her hand outstretched and he grabbed it, a firm shake between fighters. “Heal up, Jennifer. I'll see you in a few weeks and I expect my Vanguard ready to kick some ass when I get back.”

“Aye-aye, Sir!”

Shepard strode around her and gave the Normandy one last look as he made it to the airlock. Strong and steady. The best ride in the universe. With a smile he left, already missing the beautiful craft.

* * * * *

A shrill beep filled the air. Lex fumbled blindly for a moment, knocking items off and around the nightstand before hitting the button on the console. Calls at five in the morning weren't so unusual—it just didn't help his alcohol-soaked brain when he only fell asleep thirty minutes prior.

“Shepard.”

The voice sobered him. Instantly he slapped a button again to take the call off-speaker and grabbed the earpiece as he sat on the edge of the bed. “Councilman Anderson, Sir.”

A static-filled chuckle crackled against his ear. “Please don't call me that, Commander. I feel a panic attack come on whenever I hear it, or an urge to punch someone.”

“I hope it's not me.”

“No. You had a choice to weigh-in on and I understand why you picked me over Udina. I'm just being a cranky old man.”

“Has something happened?”

“Nothing too major. No signs of the Reapers. It's all gone silent.”

“They are out there, though.” It was just a matter of time before the real terror started. The cycle Sovereign mentioned. The time for harvest.

“You and I both know that. I keep reminding the Council, and the Alliance, that we need to be ready and remain vigilant. That is why I am calling. I know it hasn't even been two weeks, but are you ready for duty, soldier?”

His arm flexed on impulse. As strong as ever. “Yes, Sir.”

“We need to send out some troops to clear out the remaining pockets of geth. After Sovereign it seems they have lost direction and are scattered.”

“Now's the time to wipe them out.”

“Exactly, Commander. I sent word to your crew. You all will catch flights to the Citadel where the Normandy waits—fresh from maintenance. Ship out by the end of the week, Shepard. The sooner we start cleaning up the more we can prepare.”

“Aye-aye, Sir.”

The line went silent and Lex sighed, tossing the earpiece back onto the table. He smiled when a warm hand drifted up his back to grip his shoulder. Lips ran along his neck.

“Back on the clock?”

“It would seem so.” Lex turned, fast and strong for a man who had been completely shit-faced most of the night, and pinned his friend against the mattress.

All either man had in them were a few passionate kisses. The whiskey and previous _strenuous activity_ only made them twitch against each other. It had been a tiring few days but so completely worth it. Lex smiled against tender lips, one last peck before pulling away to admire the fine specimen he had the pleasure of exploring so thoroughly. How a stuffy military attorney could have the body of an adult vid star and the face of a model was beyond him. He just enjoyed their trysts whenever either could manage meeting up.

“It's probably for the best.” He slid out from beneath him and made his way to the bathroom, with a slight limp Lex noticed with delight. “Moira's probably wondering by now what kind of case I'm on that would have me away for three days.”

That was his cue to get dressed. He laughed, the sound carrying over the shower that was turned on. When only questioning eyes looked his way, he smiled and buttoned his jeans. “In this day and age, a man should only have a beard if he wants one.”

Laughter echoed out of the bathroom. “Yeah, well, that's what happens when two army families are friends for decades—they start planning their children's weddings.”

“How old-school of them.” Lex shrugged on his jacket, smoothing down the worst of his sex-mussed hair so that it only looked like simple bed-head. Keys. Wallet. Tags. Go-bag. He was ready within five minutes. “Lock up when you leave,” he called over his shoulder on the way to the door.

“Hey, Shepard.” Lex turned to see him leaning in the doorway, steam and water on flushed skin making him wish it was anyone but Anderson that had called. A smirk crooked that sinful mouth, knowing exactly what he was thinking. “Try not to die.”

With a wink he stepped out the door. “I'll do my best.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prologue done! Just so you guys know, it was revealed that Jack's real name is Jennifer. Please tell me what you think. Any feedback is welcome. Also, come say hi on [tumblr](http://zharvolk.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> ~ C. Reed


	2. Chapter One

**Chapter One**

_“Doctor, we need to go. I need to get you out of here right now.”_

_“Just a few more minutes. Please. I need to start the last fluid treatment. If it isn't started now, it could ruin all of our efforts. Doctor Lawson insisted—”_

_“Doctor Lawson has failed to respond for fifteen minutes. She may have been compromised.”_

_“All the more reason I need to finish this. Project Lazarus will not fail now.”_

_“The East wing has been breached. I'm sealing off the rest of the facility. Any bypass will have to be done manually or from inside the control station.”_

_“All vitals are perfect. The only thing keeping him asleep is himself. It's funny. We worked so hard to bring him back—wake him up. Now I hope he stays unconscious. He won't be perceived as a threat.”_

_“Doctor, we need to move now!”_

* * * * *

_shepard_

_Shepard..._

_Commander Shepard._

_ALEXIS SHEPARD!_

His eyes flew open and he was blinded by harsh white light. A noise. Some sort of noise. Was there a noise? No. A crash. He was crashing. Darkness. Cold. No air. He needed air.

Eager to suck in a lungful, Lex's body shook and convulsed. The metal table he lay on was too narrow and, in his fit, he crashed to the floor. Freezing tile met him. A shock to his system as pain shot through his knees. It did wonders for his head. Catching his breath, he took stock of himself. Alive. Naked. His surroundings unfamiliar. Was he at Huerta? His crew managed to get to him?

He shook his head away from thoughts of dying in his suit. Precious oxygen slipping away with a gentle, ominous hiss. No. It was okay. He was okay.

Belatedly he realized the smear against his thigh was blood. A needle lay across his thigh, oozing blood after his fall ripped his IV out.

Lex slumped against the operating table and held up his arm when he noticed a stinging pull in the flesh there. A thick needle, held by strips of tape, stuck from the inside of his biceps. He grit his teeth, grunting in pain as he pulled it out. Blood and a liquid that had a sheen to it seeped from the wound. He threw the needle as far as he could from him. An itch at his neck had him clawing at more tape. Soon another bloody IV was pulled free. His vision swam, body throbbing as something inside him shifted the pain away to be forgotten.

_“Commander Shepard? Are you all right?”_

“Who,” he coughed and swallowed. His throat felt on fire. “What's going on?”

_“Commander, I am Doctor Miranda Lawson. There is not enough time to explain.”_ The disembodied voice was lovely. Made him want to sleep. _“Shepard! You need to get up. There are hostile mechs overrunning this building. I blew the door while you were coming to. You need to leave that room, turn right and head down the corridor. An agent has been sent to retrieve you but you must meet him.”_

Shepard looked around, vision clear and perfect, before stumbling into a dark alcove. Ignoring the pain in his arm, he rifled through the small locker room. Was every doctor in this damn place a woman? Finally, something that wouldn't split if he tried to fit into it! The periwinkle scrubs would just have to do. He pulled them on, falling hard into the wall as he wrestled the pants up his shaky legs. When he was ready, he stepped silently through debris and pressed himself against the side of the hole in the wall.

“Doctor Lawson?” It was barely above a whisper.

_“Yes, Commander?”_

“Status on the corridor.”

_“Free of hostiles. There has been a breach to the East wing as well as the West. I suggest you don't press your luck there and take my advice. Go right, then left. Follow the corridor to the exit. I'll bypass it when you're nearby.”_

“Understood.”

On bare feet he left the safety of the room. Lights flickered as the power surged continuously through the building. In the distance he could hear gun blasts and the odd, mechanical clicking of the robots. It was somewhat comforting to be in this situation. At least it was familiar. What it said about him that possible death settled his roiling stomach, or the sound of gunfire gave his heart the feel-good kind of palpitations he didn't know. He'd think on it if he survived. Maybe. Probably not.

All he had to do was make it down the hall and through the doors. Sounded simple enough. When he turned the corner he gave the slightest pause at the sight that met him. Definitely signs of attack. Small pits and holes speckled the walls from shotgun blasts. A few puddles and sprays of blood. No bodies in sight.

“The fighting has already been through here.” Perhaps the way wouldn't be so safe.

_“Mechs are sweeping the areas opened to them in patrol rounds. The last group went by fifteen minutes ago. I keep locking doors but they bypass security eventually. This is your window of opportunity, Commander.”_

“Of course it is.” So, no dawdling.

The door flared green and he hit the panel. He was through before the door opened completely. This sensation of not having a gun was one he didn't care for, especially since killer robots got to carry them.

“I take it these mechs were standard security bots for this...medical facility?”

_“Yes.”_

“Given orders from an insider, or rogue AI?” When there was no response he frowned. “I need to know if I have to worry about organic threats as well.”

_“Those are being taken care of. Everything will be explained once you are no longer in immediate danger. Focus on getting to safety. You're vitals are a little higher than I would like.”_

She didn't just have average surveillance on him then. Good to know. Sort of. He just hoped he didn't have some kind of device inside him that told her that. The thought made his neck and arm throb, skin prickling with unpleasant heat. His face itched like crazy.

He came into a large room, perhaps at one time a lounge, and his adrenaline spiked. Two mechs raised their guns to fire. Blue light filled the room, encasing and lifting the mechs. A shotgun blast, then another. Smoking and popping, the mechs fell to the floor in a heap of metal and wires. Lex stumbled back, heart racing and vision blurring, as he slumped against the wall. His legs finally buckled and he slid to the floor. A blurry figure made its way to him.

Big gun. Dark armor. Skin a rich bronze—organic. Hopefully non-hostile.

“Commander Shepard?” A gloved hand slapped firmly at his face. When had he closed his eyes? “Shit. He's going into shock, Miranda.”

_“That's what the stims are for, Jacob.”_

Jacob laughed, unzipping the pocket on his thigh. “Good thing you thought to give me these.”

_“Of course I did.”_

“Yeah, yeah...” He leaned in, examining him with the touch of a healer. “He's injured, too. Looks like where the IV's might have been?”

_“Ripped them right out. Good thing it was a only a last dose of boosters and saline.”_

A shot to the arm and suddenly Lex's cleared. He could feel his pulse steadying, adrenaline lowering to a not so dangerous level. With a deep breath he finally looked to his rescuer. “Jacob?”

He was given a quick salute and a smile. “Jacob Taylor, Sir. You don't know this, but I've been working with you for a while now. I'm here to make sure you get out of here in one piece.” He unclasped a bag from his belt and reached inside. “I know these aren't your originals but I think they'll do for now.”

A pistol and an omni-tool. Lex smiled. “Good man.”

Once he was armed, still no damn shoes, it didn't seem such a long journey. Jacob got most of the mechs on the way to him and Miranda kept the rest behind locked doors. They made it to their destination, through the door in time to see a wounded man shot in the throat. He was dead before he hit the floor.

“What the hell, Miranda?”

A young, dark-haired woman holstered her gun, ignoring Jacob as she came to Lex. Only after she guided him to a small leather bench did she speak. “Wilson did all this. He hacked the mechs. Years of research and hard work nearly gone because of him.”

“Did he say why?”

“No. I plan on finding out though.”

That voice. It was different hearing it over the comm. Something about it. Flashes of her voice. Even when there was blinding pain. When there was nothing. That voice had been there. He stopped her poking gently at his face, fingers wrapped lightly around her slender wrist.

“Miranda.”

She frowned, obviously not liking be kept from her task or being touched, but she didn't free herself. “Commander Shepard, I know this is all confusing and you want answers. You will have them but I am not the one to give them. We'll be taking a shuttle to the person who can. There's clean clothes and hot coffee waiting for you.”

Lex wanted to hesitate, to question. Once he got his bearings it didn't take him long to notice the emblem on Jacob's armor, or Miranda's. Cerberus. Something was wrong. But he was tired, sore, hungry and a cold so deep it settled in his bones shook him now and again. He nodded then stood, making his way to the prepped shuttle as Doctor Lawson followed behind.

He didn't have a choice.


	3. Prologue

**Chapter Two**

As soon as the door closed his calm shattered. Taking the stairs two at a time he rushed to get out of there. He needed sun and air, however manufactured. The good boy in him wanted to suck it up, accept what a superior said and get along another way. Work around the obstacles they helped set in his already hazardous path. The other guy—the one that woke up like some fucking Frankenstein's creation—wanted to rage and hit someone. It'd be nice to just walk away and let the galaxy burn.

As if to ground him, remind him what was at stake, images flashed through his head. Like the Protheans, and every other race that proved their worth, they would just be another source to harvest. He still wasn't sure what all the Harvest meant, but he knew it was the end of everything if they let it happen. It was all going to get worse but it would be nothing compared to what would happen if the Reapers weren't stopped. No matter where he ran.

Also, there was the painful fact that he wouldn't run.

Lex exited the Embassies but the clean breeze and pleasant warmth of the Citadel's auto-tuned sun simulation didn't cheer him as much as it could have when he saw a certain someone waiting for him. He frowned and turned on his heel, heading away from them but footsteps fell in beside him just the same.

“I told you I didn't want anyone with me, Miranda.”

“You didn't want me or Jacob with you when you spoke with Councilman Anderson, which is understandable. You didn't say anything about the Citadel in general.”

He didn't dignify that with any response. Three weeks awake and he already knew how much Doctor Lawson liked to play games. If the Illusive Man hadn't given him nearly free-reign of the mission he was sure Miranda would have no qualms keeping him locked up until she needed his “expertise.”

“I don't like being chaperoned.”

“Just making sure you don't get side-tracked. We've wasted enough time coming to the Citadel and you have slowed down progress even further in attempts to find your old Alliance crew.”

“I have plenty to do here that pertains to the mission.”

“Gardner's supplies aren't exactly top priority, Commander.”

“No, but morale is important—especially since we're being sent on a mission we all might die on. I'm also here because Engineering needed a few parts.”

He could just imagine the look on her face, features pinching to ruin “perfection,” as he typed a few things at a store's interface to be sent to the ship. Regional specialty brandy wasn't on his list of previously stated Important Things.

She only sighed and followed. “Was your conversation fruitful?”

“No.”

“I didn't think it would be.”

“So you said when I plotted the course to the Citadel, and when we arrived, and at the Docking Bay.”

“I was just looking at the logical outcome, Commander. It is a little surprising, though. You're the Alliance's figurehead. They didn't even offer you a position? Reinstate you?”

“No.” In fact, Anderson made it clear that for now any dealings Lex had with the Alliance would be strictly under the table. It didn't matter that he had Anderson in his corner. The Alliance didn't want to be caught supporting a man now tied with a known terrorist group. And in no uncertain terms was it stated that Shepard would actually have to pull this mission off to not be branded a traitor, let alone get his old title back. No pressure.

“And your Spectre status?”

“Reinstated, but I will receive no real funding or support from the Council.” His accounts were unlocked. That was one of the only plus sides to this whole damn mess.

Miranda shook her head as they walked into the bank. “I still don't understand your insistence on bothering with your account. It should be closed, your resources liquidated.”

“My account connected with my Alliance status, sure, but I have another one. When I was officially named Spectre I took advantage of some of their lesser known perks, like off-planet accounts under different aliases.” He typed in his main alias and she snorted beside him.

“John Doe Smith. Really?”

“I'm not paid to be creative, Miranda.”

The amount that flashed onto the screen made him smile, some of the heaviness dogging him evaporating. He didn't withdraw or deposit, just looked the number over before closing the terminal. Without a word he left the bank, ready to get back to the ship.

“However many credits you think you might need, Cerberus can provide you. Just say the word, Commander. You know that.”

“It's not about the credits. Whatever I'm being paid, it'll go strictly toward the mission. Don't worry about that. I know where I stand, but I won't fall deeper into my _employer's_ pocket any further than I have to.” A grip on his arm had him stopping and turning. Miranda was a lot stronger than she looked. “Problems, XO?”

“I knew the Council and Alliance would turn their backs on you, on the Reaper threat, but I let you—”

“Let me?”

“Yes. I let you take attention away from the mission—from the Illusive Man's orders—because I also know this was good for you. Now you have seen for yourself that Cerberus is not your only choice, Shepard, it's your _best_ choice. And as your doctor, I can see that connecting with those you once were close with is good for your mental health. I don't need you having a psychotic episode and killing everyone on the Normandy.”

“Well, at least you're not trying to cuddle me like Kelly.”

Miranda made a slight jerking motion with her head as if to physically reject that idea. “She romanticizes you. I'm just stating facts.”

“I appreciate that.”

His sincerity caught her off-guard and for a moment her features relaxed from the defensive scowl into surprise and perhaps a little understanding. In an instant her mask of cool control was back in place. “Now that this is out of your system I need to know if you're ready to take this mission seriously.”

He stepped closer, face burning as his anger got the best of him and he knew those damn scars were glowing. “You have a problem with the way I do my job, Doctor Lawson?”

“When you do your job, no. I have found nothing to worry about in my reports. However, you still think you're Alliance, still treat us as your enemies or your captor.”

“Quit putting words in my mouth.”

“I don't have to, your actions speak loud and clear. Honestly, I don't care. You can be paranoid and angry all you want, but Jacob and I have jobs to do. Some of which include following you into almost certain death. So if you're done moping can we please focus on the mission now? Perhaps gather the team from the dossiers you have yet to look over.”

Lex took a deep breath, eyes closing, and when he regained his calm he knew by the look on her face the orange and red flares around his irises had disappeared to leave the normal bright green when he opened them. “You're right. Come on, let's head back. And I'll look at the damn files.”

* * * * *

Lex stared at the tablet in his lap, contemplating his next move. Did he even need another teammate? The Biotics unit were a force to be reckoned with all on their own. It helped that two of them had military training while the other was biologically engineered to be powerful. As far as weapon and combat strength? Well, he wasn't anything to scoff at on the battlefield. And now he had one of the most trusted guns he ever worked with at his back again.

Plus, this biotic sounded fucking insane.

No name. No history. No genetic code on file. Subject Zero was a ghost. There wasn't much to go on except this human biotic was now in cryo on a prison station known for housing the galaxy's worst. If Purgatory put someone on ice that couldn't mean a lot of good things. What the hell was the Illusive Man thinking?

_Power. Whatever gets the job done and at any cost._

A sweating bottle of spirits blocked the view of the screen and Lex smiled, following the three-fingered hand up a muscular arm. His smiled stuttered for a second before he recovered and grabbed the offering. Those blue eyes were still so bright but that didn't mean they weren't dead inside. Garrus sat down across from him, tucked away in the back of the Main Battery. Often the turian would find him here, hiding while working on reports. The hum of the machinery was comforting. There wasn't a large glowing fish tank to distract him either. Also, both he and Garrus knew that they gravitated toward one another out of solace. Right now, Garrus was all he had and sometimes he thought it was the same for the haunted sniper.

Lex opened the bottle and drank half of the cold liquid in one go. His head fell back and he groaned. Was it too late to run away to some desert island with a supply of beer? He'd even bring Garrus.

“Thought you might like that.”

Another bottle was placed by his knee and Lex smiled again, looking to Garrus. “You're always thinking of me.”

A soft noise rumbled out of Garrus' throat. Lex knew that was all he'd get. He hadn't received a real reaction, let alone a genuine laugh, from his best friend in a long time. Instead of trying harder he tossed the tablet to him. They both were so good at drowning everything else out with work. With a half-empty bottle in one hand, Garrus scrolled through the contents of the file with the other. By the twitch of his mandibles it seemed he wasn't liking what he was reading.

“Part of our next target?”

“Not exactly.” There was no humor in his smile. “That's one of two of the last dossiers for the team.”

“Multiple homicide—actual number of victims unknown. Piracy. Theft. Assault with a deadly weapon. Recently sentenced to two years in cryo for killing four guards and three inmates.”

“Charming, huh? I'm sure they'll fit in right alongside everyone else.”

“So why are you down here and not telling Joker to set course for Purgatory?”

“I haven't decided if we go in yet.”

“It says here this Subject Zero is one of the most, if not the most, powerful human biotics ever on record. Up against a force like the Collectors, that could be useful.”

“The Illusive Man seems to think so. Miranda, not so much. She already has reservations about me picking up a salarian and, what was it? My 'turian boyfriend?'" Garrus snorted and tossed the pad to him. “And now her employer wants a serious criminal on the ship. I don't think we're reaching her standards, Garrus.”

“And what do you think?”

Lex shrugged, trying to shake the last drops of beer into his mouth before reaching for the other bottle. “It's high-risk. Having such a person on-board could endanger the ship and crew.”

“Yeah, and what do you _really_ think?”

He looked into Garrus' eyes, not flinching at the cold, reptilian logic in the gaze. His was probably the same. “I'm going to need the best to pull this off. If Subject Zero is one of the best then I need them.” He twisted the cap off his beer.

“To the job, Commander. Whatever the cost.”

They tapped their bottles together before settling into the dark silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi on [tumblr](http://zharvolk.tumblr.com/)! :)


	4. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sigh* So, I have been sitting on this chapter for a few reasons. One, this is a monster. Nearly 5k words for one chapter. I'm still not sure if what I wrote even makes sense anymore. I hope it does. There were so many ways this part could have went down. I wanted to get it right. Two, I kind of got scared away from AO3 last I tried tinkering with chapters. I tried to do some light editing and ended up reordering all of the chapters. I don't know if anyone noticed but it took me a bit getting the chapters back in order. Three, I had to decide right now what I wanted to do with this story. I've decided I don't think it's going to follow game-play too-too much. If at all it will be like this chapter where there is a game mission but it diverts from canon. You'll see... Hope you all enjoy!

**Chapter Three**

“Very well, Commander. If it makes you feel better, keep your weapons. As a show of good faith.” Warden Kuril's voice crackled through the comm speakers. The image of the huge turian distorted now and again from static. “I'll have the doors opened and a guard will escort you.”

The screen went black and Lex stared at it for a moment, thoughtful frown in place. “I believe that guy's planning on shooting me.”

“I was kind of getting that vibe too.” Garrus snorted and ran a hand over the sniper rifle he had yet to holster. “It seems they would have heard of us _by now_ and just stop trying to get in our way.”

Beside them Miranda shook her head. “Tacky. We're in the middle of stopping a galaxy-wide invasion. Cerberus has paid these morons more than they're worth and they try and pull something. For what? More credits? How is any amount of money going to help them when the Reapers destroy everything?”

“You underestimate the seductive pull of greed.” Lex pushed random buttons on the door, knowing it wouldn't make the door open faster but it gave him something to do.

“And power. This 'warden' reeks of control and power issues.”

Miranda considered that for a moment and then turned an appraising eye on both males, odd smile forming as she took them in. “What better way to show superiority than to dominate Commander Shepard and Garrus Vakarian?”

Lex sighed, eyeing the panel as the last lock began to disengage. “Yep, it's a curse—being this awesome. And now Garrus has that whole 'dark, dangerous and scarred' thing going on. He practically helped paint the targets on us.”

“Sorry, Shepard. I'll try to tone it down from now on.” Garrus chose then to lean against the wall, rifle hoisted nonchalantly against his shoulder.

“You say it, but you don't mean it.” He turned to them, face stern and eyes flashing a hellish glow. “Be ready. It's too late to call for more back-up. Whatever they have planned we deal with as quick as possible and get what we came for. If it looks like this might turn south, Miranda, I want you to remind them just who they made their deal with.”

“Isn't that why you brought me in the first place?”

“Well, yes, but I didn't think they'd be so obvious or stupid. I need your Scary Authority tone. When that fails, blow these assholes to pieces.”

Miranda stood to attention, boarding school-perfect posture and hands primly behind her back. “Yes, Commander.”

“Do I even have to say what I need from you, Garrus?”

“Of course not, Shepard.”

The doors opened and Lex led his team through. It was a sterile environment. Like many other professionally-run prisons there were guards patrolling and staff on standby or doing mundane chores. Clean and cold. Yet, in the distance—beyond more locked doors and beneath the hum of generators—Lex could catch a wail or scream. Awaiting them at the end of the corridor was a surly-looking batarian outfitted in heavier armor than one might need for a station job with weapons to match. He nodded to them before motioning them through another door.

“I'm Guard-Captain Frelnis. Warden Kuril asked me to give you a proper tour while he finishes with the last arrangements for Subject Zero.”

“Problems?” Miranda asked as they went deeper into the prison. “You're a lot behind schedule.” She was just beginning to make the face she used when she didn't like what she was hearing. Lex was just happy it wasn't aimed at him for once.

“Warden thought it'd be best to wait for the transaction to come through before thawing the prisoner.”

“Funds should already have been transferred.”

Frelnis glanced at her before hurrying his pace. “Look, lady, I don't know all the details. Just doing what the boss said.”

“How many prisoners are on-board, Guard-Captain?” Lex really didn't need Miranda starting the party sooner than what he planned. It was best if they changed the subject.

“This station can easily provide for four hundred inmates. Usually, at any given time we have about three-fifty.”

“Not too many guards around for those numbers.”

“We don't need to keep so many guards.” They were walking along a hallway that had thick glass for one side of the wall. He motioned toward it and they all looked out over an opened area. Hundreds of pods laid in rows. “Most of the inmates are kept in cryo.”

“That's a little...grim.”

“You forget, Commander, we're given the galaxy's worst—mostly because no one else wants them. Also because no one else can handle them at regular prisons. Sometimes it's just best to put these bastards to sleep.”

“A pretty cozy set-up the Blue Suns made for themselves,” Garrus piped up from the rear of the group.

“How many active inmates are there?” Lex tried once more to keep the unease to a minimum but had a feeling Garrus wasn't finished yet.

“Any given time, around fifty to one hundred and fifty.”

“Why is that?” Garrus came closer, interest piqued.

“What do you mean?” Something told Lex Frelnis didn't appreciate all these questions and perhaps this “tour” was something newly added to his duties.

“For the number to fluctuate that quickly all the time you must get prisoners out of cryo and put them back often. Oh, no, wait...I see.” Lex smothered his smile. He could never get tired of Garrus' Detective-Mode.

“What?” Frelnis seemed a bit jumpy now, a little defensive. That would only encourage Garrus more.

“That's how this station is funded. How the guards can afford such luxuries—nice Locust, by the way. So just how many of your charges do you guys sell?”

“Garrus,” Miranda cut in, noticing the gathering tension in their guide's frame.

He only shrugged, falling behind them once more. “I'm just curious, Doctor Lawson. Isn't that essentially what we did with this Subject Zero? Named a price and the Blue Suns rang it up?”

“He has a point,” Lex ceded and Miranda gave him such a nasty look that it sent chills down his spine.

“A nice, quiet source for the slave trade. No one to notice or care. Brilliant. Disgusting, but brilliant.”

“Enough,” Miranda scolded the entirely unapologetic turian at her back. “That's not why we're here. Now, if we could get this over with.”

“I agree.” Frelnis didn't offer anymore information. All in all it was a shitty tour.

Lex expected to turn toward what looked to be a control center. Instead they went deeper into the prison. Cell Block C, all the way to Cell Block G. There were some guards out and about that apparently didn't get the memo on impressing their visitors as they passed a few that didn't bother to hide that they were abusing their charges. One prisoner wasn't even conscious for the part of his beating that Lex witnessed. He looked over his shoulder. Miranda was as calm as ever, the calm she became right before she Threw someone. Garrus gave him a nod. The thought must have occurred to them as well. The warden and his men didn't care what they witnessed.

That was never good.

By the time Frelnis led them to an empty, opened, cell he wasn't surprised. Not even when Warden Kuril appeared on a large screen within the cell. Lex held up his hand when the turian tried to speak.

“If you don't want to lose your life, if your men don't want to die with you, I suggest stopping whatever stupid plan you have.”

That shocked a small snorting laugh out of the warden. “I'm afraid I can't do that. You see, Subject Zero is worth a lot more than even what Mr. Illusive generously offered. And then he served up not only a pretty female biotic, but _The_ Commander Shepard and his faithful companion Garrus Vakarian?” A thick, purring sound erupted from his throat. “I'll live out the rest of my life in paradise with what you all will fetch me.”

“Why am I always sub-titled to you?”

Lex ignored Garrus' question, focusing on the screen. “You do you realize that your existence will be a short one if you impede our mission?”

Miranda stepped forward. “Even if you manage to apprehend us all, sell us—then what? Do remember who you made a deal with. He doesn't take betrayal of any kind lightly and there won't be a backwater planet that the Illusive Man won't be able to track you down on.”

“Well, I have it on good authority that I'll miss out on all that mess—Cerberus' little wars or the Reapers. Anyway, Commander, we can do this the easy way where you quietly and calmly get in your cage, or Frelnis will happily make you.”

“You really think I'll make this easy?”

“It's better than the alternative and I'd rather not damage the goods. If you behave, I'll put your friends in nearby cells.”

“Do you even still have Subject Zero?”

“Oh, yes. We were in the middle of the unfreezing process when I received a better offer—for all of you. Enough questions. Commander, the cell.”

“Can't even come down here and make me. You're pathetic. It's a wonder you have anyone following you.”

“I'm not stupid, Commander. To beat a man like you I have to fight dirty. I have no problem admitting that, as I have no problem in ordering Frelnis to do what he has to, to get you in your cell.”

The best perk of his “new” body had to be his strength. A close second was his speed. Before Frelnis could raise his fancy SMG Lex was on him, pinning his hand down. Frelnis' wrist snapped as his gun was pulled out of his grip. With his free hand, the blade on his omni-tool activated and Lex sliced cleanly through the screaming batarian's throat. All in less than a minute. Within that time Miranda hacked the doors at the end of the corridor and Garrus took out the two guards on the balcony above them. Kuril had a good view.

The warden was standing now, fiddling with buttons and switches. “My men will get that door open eventually. And when they do, they now are free to treat you however they want—as long as they keep you alive. Does Mr. Illusive's attack bitch hear me,” he growled into the camera. “She's going to pray for death before they're even half-finished with her.”

“I wouldn't bait her, Kuril. Miranda didn't want to come here in the first place. It was out of our way, she doesn't much care for the idea of working with a criminal and she might hate mercenaries more than Garrus. She's looking to rip someone apart. Now that I'm not at the top of her Shit List, I think I'm going to let _her_ do what she wants to _your_ men if they're stupid enough to get in her way.”

“Thank you, Commander,” came her response from outside the cell.

Faintly Lex could hear Kuril over his radio. “Janxis, get your men and head down to Cell Block G. Your expertise will be needed in showing Shepard and his team that we don't tolerate anything short of obedience.” Silence over the channel answered him. “Janxis, do you copy?”

A piercing screech came over the loudspeaker before fading with the adjusting volume. _“Sorry, Warden. Janxis won't be of much use. Well, maybe as a meat shield...”_

The three paused in their search for possible exits as a smoky voice drifted over the speaker system. Lex turned back to the screen. It was fascinating, the way Kuril went from a snarling merc leader to scrambling around the control system like a scared and cornered varren.

“How the hell did you get out?”

_“Your order came a little too late. I had a surprise waiting for Janxis when he came back to put me under again.”_

Kuril switched to another comm channel. “Rentalm, you're the closest to Cryo. Get down there with all your men now. We have a Code 6.”

Rich, silky laughter echoed across the prison speakers. _“I wouldn't bother trying to call anyone in this wing. Or use different channels. If you haven't noticed, I hacked your comms, Warden. It's easier to find you that way. Oh, also, do you really think I'd stick around in Cryo?”_

There was humor in that soft tone but it was a dark, secret sort that left a cold creeping feeling slither down Lex's spine. Something about that last comment didn't sit well with Lex and he made his way to the locked door.

_“Here's a little something to keep you busy.”_ The lights went out. Emergency fixtures flared red as a siren began its warning cry.

A pleasant AI came over the system. _**“This is not a drill. Life support systems are no longer functioning. For your ease and safety, all locks have been disengaged throughout this facility. This is not a drill. Please make your way to the designated emergency exits...”**_

“What the fuck are doing?!” Kuril's voice snarled over the speakers, echoing across the entire now-unlocked prison.

_“Try not to die, Kuril,”_ the voice purred, still full of that secret humor. _“You and I have some unfinished business.”_

The door went from red to green. Already there were shouts and cries from beyond. Garrus reloaded and looked to Lex. “I think that's our cue, Shepard.”

Lex's own rifle was good to go, full clip snug and ready. “Kill any and all hostiles that take notice of us but let's try to keep out of this fight as much as possible. Subject Zero is awake and on the run—most likely knows a ship is docked if he was fiddling about in a control room. We make our way as quickly to the dock as possible before he can board.”

“Is Subject Zero still a priority?” Miranda checked her weapon before bringing the plans of the facility up on her omni-tool.

“Yes. Under no circumstances do you shoot to kill. Understand?”

“Yes, Commander.”

“I want to try and talk first.”

Lex hit the door panel. The sound of it opening was smothered by the screams of fighting. As much as Frelnis down-played the number of mercs at the facility, there was still a lot of blue among the chaos. Above it all, and the cheerful AI repeating the evacuation order, Kuril barked orders to his men. Kill Subject Zero. Kill the inmates. Kill Shepard and his crew.

Now and again a merc would notice them sneaking along the wall in the shadows. Their bullets didn't draw much attention amidst the rest of the gunfire. Prisoners fought for their freedom. Some of the most deranged criminals in the galaxy were now lurking the corridors. Many didn't even seem concerned with escaping, merely taking the opportunity to cause pain while they could. Explosions could be felt rocking the station. Whether it was from the riot or Subject Zero he wasn't sure but Purgatory couldn't handle much more abuse.

“We are passing Cryo, Commander.” Miranda moved silently up the hall, signaling when she noted the area clear.

“No reason to stick around, though I am curious to find the control room our potential teammate was playing around in and see what the damage is.” Garrus threw a grenade down the next corridor, taking out three unsuspecting mercs that just gunned down a small pocket of prisoners.

Lex finished them off. “Agreed. Maybe we can lock down the areas we passed and the cell blocks we won't be going into. Turning life support back on would be good, too.”

It was eerie how quiet the cell block and med bay was. Subject Zero was thorough and the escaping prisoners seemed to not want to linger where the biotic had been. Mercs were the only bodies to be found, weapons and the intact pieces of armor taken from them most likely by fleeing convicts after their cells opened. It also had to be assumed that Subject Zero was now armed and possibly outfitted. The mercs weren't just killed. Some were torn apart—limbs missing and strewn about—others seemed to have exploded, with only mush and splinters of bone left behind. Some had their head's crushed inside their crumpled helmets.

That a human biotic was capable of such carnage was troubling but it made Lex's heart race with the urgency to reach him before he got himself killed. This kind of power could be a major asset against the Collectors. All this damage within the minutes it took them to tour the prison? It was almost beautiful in a way. A few more empty areas and they came to a control room, mutilated bodies all along their path.

Lex went to the surveillance screens. “He's disconnected all cameras. I'm going to work on these, maybe find where he's slipped off to. Miranda, get the support back—and the damn lights. Garrus, figure out if he was looking for anything in particular on the database.”

His search proved fruitless. The prisoner really was a damn ghost. He must have shot the cameras he came across because more than half of them weren't operational. Others had been hacked to play a recorded loop. It'd take more time than he wanted to spend on them to fix. Lex smiled as the lights came back on, emergency warnings and lights shutting down.

“Life support back on—he must have been in a hurry as he didn't completely disable it. And...I have locked the areas of the prison down where we will not be heading. That should give us a little more time”

“Good work, Lawson. Let's just hope Subject Zero didn't decide to take a detour and really is heading where I think he is. Get on the other console and download all files. Kuril made contact with someone working for the Collectors. I want to know who.” He went to Garrus, looking around him as he typed. “What do you have for me?”

“Wish I could say something useful, but nothing really. Files were accessed a short time ago and they were Subject Zero's records, but there's nothing on here that we don't already know—it looks to be about the same information the dossier was compiled out of.”

“Anything else?”

“He knows he was being sold. The receipt of the transaction has been accessed and downloaded.”

“Can you track where the file was sent?”

“Tried, nothing. This guy's good, Shepard. He put scramblers up on his signal already.”

Lex patted his arm as he turned to leave the room. “He's used to running. We need to find him.”

A few bloody cell blocks later and they slowed their approach. Screams and the sound of heavy fire. Whatever was happening it was just within the next area. Lex opened the door. The sounds were louder, definitely generating from the room they entered but nothing could be seen yet.

“Commander, we are at the main control center and lounge.”

“Then if I remember correctly, Doctor, there are no cell blocks beyond this point and the dock is up ahead.”

“Yes. The way is clear, once we get by whatever is happening in here.” An explosion shook the facility, as if to emphasize Miranda's words.

Lex took a deep breath and loaded a fresh clip. “Okay, try and stay out of the fight. Let them cull each others numbers as much as possible.”

They moved in, silent and hidden behind shipping crates and debris. Sneaking a peak at what lay ahead was not reassuring. Mercs and prisoners still fought amongst themselves, but now they also fired at a common target. Safe inside the control center, Kuril shot at anything and everything. His men died alongside the prisoners, riddled with bullets and blown apart by high-grade explosives. Apparently the warden didn't feel up to sorting out his mess. Killing was always much quicker.

“Fucking mercenaries,” Garrus sighed and shook his head as he crouched behind cover once more.

Lex watched the fight. No matter where they shot or what they fired with, nothing seemed to scratch Kuril. His armor had to have some heavy-duty shields. Finally, something caught his eye. He signaled to his team and pointed at a structure set off to the side.

“A portable shield generator.” Miranda was always so quick on the uptake.

“Stay out of sight and focus fire on that while his attention is elsewhere.”

Lex activated his cloaking device. He got in a few shots before Kuril noticed where the blasts were coming from. All around them were the dead and dying. Soon they didn't have to rely on hiding, they were the only ones left standing. As Kuril focused on him Miranda used debris for cover, trying to get a better line of sight for the generator. A bullet caught her in the side. Garrus was there in seconds, pulling her back behind a splintered crate. 

Miranda pushed away, breaking his hold for just a moment. With her last bit of strength she sent out a massive Overload. When the generator's power started failing she slumped against Garrus, letting him guide her to cover for a quick field dressing. The generator's power blinked out. The Warden was vulnerable. Before he had a chance to reload Lex made to charge him only to stop as the doors opened behind Kuril. Someone was in the control center with him.

The merc cried out in pain as he spun around. Belatedly, Lex noticed Kuril was floating, a faint blue glow surrounding him, and he started running for the room. He didn't have time to go around to try the door, instead he began scaling the outside ledge to reach the window. Voices became clearer as he got closer.

“I told you, Kuril. Even if I had to wait years—I'd kill you.” Not amplified by speakers that voice was softer, raspier.

A gurgling sputter, “Then do it! Doesn't change the fact that we _owned_ you, you freak. No matter the implants, procedures and whatever else your masters did to you, you couldn't even fight off—” Kuril screamed, subvocals whining.

“Big talk for someone who couldn't take me on their own. And now? Every last one of you fuckers are dead. I wish I could draw this out, spend time on you, but I have a shuttle to catch. And I was never really one for banter.”

Lex was hoisting himself up through the broken window when Kuril's screams filled the room. It made his ears ring. When he stood the screaming stopped. Kuril's body hit the ground, blood pooling from all of the cracks in his expensive armor. He had been crushed by the suit that was supposed to protect him. Lex approached slowly, signaling Garrus and Miranda to stay back when he heard them take position behind him. His shields were full and his weapon ready though he had yet to raise it.

Subject Zero was not what he was expecting.

Thin, sickly. What did he expect from a man just released from cryo-stasis? No shoes, no shirt, just flimsy med-ward standard pants that looked like they'd slip right off bony hips once he stood. Scruffy face and a mess of wild, damp black curls falling into dark eyes. It was the tattoos that really caught his attention. Here and there and at the oddest places ink covered ashen, waxy skin. Lex had a sudden urge to run his fingers along one in particular: a dark red flower with black vines near his larynx. He shook himself of such thoughts, focusing on the potential threat as Subject Zero stayed crouched by Kuril's body as he examined the powerful gun he pulled from his grasp.

“Subject Zero?”

The man in question looked up, eyes dull but alert. “What's the date?”

“February twenty-second, 2185.”

He seemed to think that over before accepting it, wincing as he stood. The gun was now snug in his grip. “Seven months. I can work with that.”

“I'm Commander Shep—”

“I know who you are.” Lex nodded, taking a small step back and trying to be as non-threatening as possible with a sniper rifle in-hand and wearing bloody armor. “And I know why you're here. I'm not going anywhere with you until we deal.”

“There is no deal. Not with you, anyway.”

“Lawson, that will be all.” Lex didn't break eye contact and he was glad to hear Miranda chose to listen to him at the moment and not further upset the psychotic with a gun. “You won't even board my ship to get checked out? That was some incredible biotics earlier but you look like you're about to pass out.”

“This place isn't going to hold together much longer, either,” Garrus said as the floor rumbled with another explosion somewhere in the prison.

Another soft, secret smile. “That's true. Had to make sure nothing of this asshole was left.” He nudged Kuril. “The thing is, though, I don't go home with Cerberus. You could say we had a bad break-up.”

“I'm not Cerberus.”

“She is. The creds that _fucking bought me_ come from them.”

“I'm not Cerberus and that 'deal' wasn't my call. But I will admit that they know talent when they see it—”

“Oh, you don't know the half.”

“I'm the one that wants you. After today, hell, I think I _need_ you.”

“That's not going to be enough.”

“Then name your price.” A glint of surprise. A flash of manic interest and those dead eyes brightened into something so deep and alive that it almost hurt Lex to keep looking into them. Lex had him.

He hesitated, swallowing and that red flower fluttered ever so slightly. “Full disclosure. I wasn't enlisted and I for damn sure didn't volunteer. I want to know everything about why these bastards even tried waking me back up.”

“Fair enough.”

“And I want complete access to the Cerberus database.”

“Deal.” It was done before Miranda could argue.

Subject Zero smiled and shoved the gun in the back of his pants. “Then take me aboard, Commander.”

The wait in the airlock seemed an eternity. It could have been that he had Miranda trying to kill him with her stare at his back and his front, well, he was a little distracted by the view at his front. Subject Zero fidgeted about, tattoos stretching and pulling against hard muscle. Every time he thought he figured out what the artwork was he realized it wasn't anything at all what he first imagined. When he hissed and brought a hand to his face, Lex stopped his studying and came closer.

“Everything alright?”

“Ts'fine, juss'a headache.”

Lex frowned at the slurring note in his voice, noticing the slight shakes wracking his body. He reached out to lay a hand on his shoulder when the biotic groaned and fell to the side. They didn't hit the floor as Lex grabbed at him before he could fall too far. Instead they stumbled into the wall. For looking like a scraggly duct rat, the man was quite heavy. Lex activated the comm on his omni-tool as Miranda and Garrus tried to speed the decompression and decontaminating sequence along.

“EDI, have Chakwas meet us with a gurney. We have Subject Zero, but he appears to be injured.”

_“Yes, Commander.”_

A cold, clammy face nuzzled against his neck as he weakly shook his head. “Hold still, Sub—just try not to move.” It didn't seem right calling him that as he shook in his arms, blood from his nose smearing against Lex's sweaty skin.

Subject Zero mumbled something and Lex leaned closer. He repeated the phrase again, just as the doors opened and Chakwas' crew lifted him away. Garrus helped him up and Miranda was already on him about deals and meetings. All he could think about was that sentence, lips gentle against his ear.

_My name is Kaidan._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always thought it was weird/funny, and yes I know it's a video game but still, that Jack wakes up with healthy color, perfectly shaved head and make-up in place. Really, Bioware? Just from cryo-stasis and she has mascara and lipstick? Also, because it's a video game, I get that certain things had to happen (like boss fights and lots of baddies to shoot) and Shepard has to be the main focus, but that's the beauty of writing. I wanted to try and not make it just on Shepard's shoulders. They all have jobs and talents, especially in ME2 when you needed the right people for the Base.
> 
> And yeah, so there's Kaidan. Just so you know, I'm not writing Jack/Jennifer as Kaidan and vice versa. I think they'd be similar but absolutely different. Where Jack was feral and the indiscriminate-killing psychopath, Kaidan's going to be different but just as dangerous. I'll be playing around a lot with that and Cerberus. Hope you guys enjoyed.
> 
> Come say hi on [tumblr](http://zharvolk.tumblr.com/)!


	5. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

It was technically the night cycle, so far in it was almost over, when Lex finally made his way to the med bay. When they boarded the Normandy, it seemed every one and thing demanded his attention. He even received some messages from Admiral Hackett. Plus, he had been cornered by Miranda in the briefing room. She brought Jacob with her. In his defense, Jacob didn't pounce on him the way Miranda had, listening to his side of events and motivations. It didn't help much. Jacob almost always sided with Miranda, which Lex didn't really fault him for as he had his own loyalties as well, but at the moment it was tiresome.

Of course, Joker had something to say. Joker always had something to say. How he knew the details he did Lex would never know, but he basically sided with Miranda. No one wanted Subject Zero on-board. He was dangerous. He had no loyalties. He could kill them all before they knew they were being attacked. He was unstable, therefore unreliable for the work they needed to do in preparations for the attack on the Collector base.

Hell, the only two not giving him any shit for his decision were Garrus and Mordin, and he was pretty sure that was only due to the fact that they were far too busy with their own business to care about the collective matter at hand.

As he stepped into the med bay, sundry bag heavy in his grasp, Lex sighed and pushed the previous meetings and arguments out of his thoughts. He'd deal with that when it happened. If it came down to shooting his latest recruit he would, and then have words with the genius who sent him the dossier in the first place. He stopped and looked around. The room was empty, the buzzing of machines the only sound. Lex went all the way to the back by the AI core. Nothing. Though, he did notice chunks and bristles of black hair covering the floor. A pair of scissors and an electric razor were left behind on a small table beside a used bed. The door swished open and he looked over to see Doctor Chakwas approaching.

“There you are.”

“Did you have any problems?”

“Not too many. It took some coaxing and explaining I am technically an Alliance doctor on-leave working for Commander Shepard and _not_ with Cerberus to get any kind of a physical exam underway. I treated him for a few things—malnourishment, fatigue and migraines—but other than that he is in perfect health.”

“Skittish around doctors?”

“Not necessarily. I think if he had been truly afraid he would have just killed me. No, I think it's Cerberus that has him wary. After I completed his physical, I also think he is probably not fond of hospitals.”

“Something you found?”

“Aside from the usual battle scars, he has quite a bit of scar tissue from operations.”

Lex mulled that over. A guy like Kaidan seemed in his prime, even for a biotic. Surgeries should be rare at his age. He didn't bother to ask any further questions. Chakwas rarely divulged patient information. “So where is he now?”

“Kaidan left a few hours ago—with strict orders that he lay down and rest. A few good meals and proper sleep, he'll be ready for whatever you throw him into.”

“He was able to tell you his name?”

“Only after I asked. He didn't seem to care one way or another if everyone kept referring to him as Subject Zero. I, on the other hand, would rather not feel like I'm addressing some sort of lab animal.”

“I agree. Well, I need to check in with the latest addition to the team.” He raised the bag for her to notice. Chakwas called him back in a whisper when he turned to leave. He came close, their voices hushed as the doctor leaned in.

“You know I have strict confidentiality concerning my patients but I think there is something you need to know. First, I just want to advise you to be careful with him, Shepard. I looked over his dossier. Kaidan's mental state is already so precarious but I think his time at Purgatory may have damaged him further.”

“I won't treat him any differently than the rest of my crew, Doctor. You know me. And I understand, that long in Cryo would have to have an affect on a person.”

“That's not what I mean. Shepard... As soon as he was able to fully communicate with me, he demanded I run some tests. He wanted me to check for the I28 Strain and Crowan's.”

“Those are STDs.”

“Yes. They are human diseases contracted from mutated viruses found within infected turians and batarians, respectively.”

She let that sink in and when it did Lex had an urge to turn the ship around and blast any part of Purgatory that may still be floating into shards. A few more puzzle pieces fell into place. Kaidan had been put into cryo-stasis for killing seven guards and prisoners. Some of what Kuril said to Kaidan finally made sense. Lex felt sick in a way, but also incredibly angry.

“Did you find anything?”

“No, all tests came back negative. Though there were still traces of drugs in his system, mostly relaxants.” Chakwas held up a small chip. “I was on my way to find you with my results when EDI told me where you were. I've sent Kaidan his file. It might help take some of his stress away.”

Lex smiled, thinking over her advice. “And what? You thought I would treat him like a prisoner? Maybe trigger his memories of whatever those bastards did? I don't mistreat my crew, Doctor.”

“Oh, no, I wasn't afraid of that. You'll be your usual disarming self. Just...don't get into trouble.”

“What?”

She smiled, eyes landing on the razor and empty bed. “You'll see.”

“You're awful,” Lex said as he made his way to the door. “I should have got you drunk first before trying to get any information out of you.” He dodged the roll of gauze thrown at him on his way out the door.

* * * * *

It didn't really surprise him when EDI told him where he could find Kaidan. He had been down beneath Engineering a few times, though he didn't realize the small area could be used as living quarters, but he guessed anything looked better than Purgatory at this point. This close to the core, the engines made a soothing hum, vibrating the walls around them. Cool and quiet, the soft red glow cast everything in a surreal shade so much different than the harsh lights beyond the door.

He blamed the atmosphere for his reaction. Red light shone on so much skin that was still probably an unhealthy tone but one would never be able to tell under the shade of all that red. Just like before he felt compelled to look. Swirls of color. Symbols. Knots of black ink. It all mapped the other man's flesh from around his shoulders to down along his back. A few images littered his arms, a peak of something on the inside of one wrist.

A tablet clattered onto the small table and Lex masked over any open curiosity or admiration he may have felt as Kaidan turned to give him his undivided attention. He leaned back against the table, cool and calm though he was still in those dingy med-bay pants. For all the trauma he had been through in just the last twenty-four hours, he was ready for more. That thought was sobering. No matter what, Lex could not forget what he was. Instantly he concentrated on keeping his guard up. The flicker of a smile on Kaidan's dry lips told him he noticed the slight change in his posture. This man was a killer—a predator—and he was really good at it.

Kaidan broke the tension by nodding toward the tablet. “Didn't actually think I'd see those files. Well, not without having to cause a lot of pain beforehand, anyway.”

Lex shrugged and came closer into the little niche Kaidan had made for himself. “That was your price, I paid it. Can't really blame you. I'd want those files, too, in your situation.”

“And you would know all about my situation, huh?”

“Not all of it. I'm here if you want to tell me more.” Kaidan scoffed but caught the bag thrown his way. When only those thick eyebrows rose in question after he glanced at the contents inside, Lex smiled. “I didn't think you'd care much for the Cerberus standard wardrobe.”

“Unless it's a cute little number like Doctor Sassy-pants'...” Kaidan trailed off, ignoring him as he dug through the few changes of clothes.

Lex laughed, imagining just what would happen if anyone had the balls to call Miranda that to her face. There might be an explosion, someone Thrown through a wall or perhaps a kodiak flung at the name-caller. His musings were cut short as Kaidan began to strip. Lex leaned against the wall, trying to look away but the images in his peripheral drew his gaze back. Strong legs, well-muscled. Not even a stint in Cryo could completely destroy that kind of definition.

Something caught his eye and he turned the slightest bit to see better. On the biotic's left hip was some kind of writing. A small block of curling script. Lex tore his eyes away and firmly set them on the wall across from where he stood. The sound of fabric sliding against skin, the hiss of a zipper, teased him but he remained vigilant in his wall-studying.

“There's a shaving kit in there too, but I see you already took care of that.”

Kaidan grunted, throwing his old pants in a bin. “Shorter hair is easier on the amp. And, well, beards are just too much of a commitment.”

Lex turned, nodding in approval as he took in the simple shirt and jeans. It wasn't the best material, or even the best match as both articles fit the larger man snugly, but it was better than the prison-issued crap. Also, with the scraggly hair gone and out of his eyes, a smooth shave revealing unblemished and handsome features, Kaidan now didn't look the part of a crazed inmate. He just looked dangerous.

“Much better.” Dark eyes focused once more on him, the weight of the gaze nearly overwhelming. “I should go. If you have any problems settling in, let me know.”

“I don't get it.”

Lex stopped his ascent up the stairs and turned. Kaidan was frowning, eyes moving up and down his frame. Finally he moved, stalking across the floor until he stood before him.

“Problems?”

“Actually, yeah. You see, I'm usually really good at this. Had to be with those assholes always tracking me down, using all sorts of nasty tactics too. But you? You're a whole different monster, aren't you?”

“If you have a point, make it.”

“I haven't seen a skin graft quite so refined. Either Cerberus got better at it, or you're something else. Did those fuckers have someone make a late-night visit? Steal your jizz after a drunken tumble? Believe me, that's one of their most tried and true methods.”

“Kaidan—”

“I want nothing more than to see Cerberus sucked into a big fucking black hole, but even I have to admit—from the photos and vids—they did a damn fine job growing you out of a dish.”

“I'm not a clone. I'm Commander Lex Shepard, formerly of the Alliance military and now have put aside my personal differences with an organization we are both not fond of for one reason only—stopping the Collectors.”

“Commander Alexis Shepard is dead. I would know. It was all that was ever on the news feeds a little before I was caught.”

“I am the original, Kaidan. The only one. I personally went to the Spectre archives and had them run tests to compare with my records. As medically advanced as Cerberus is, they can't recreate things like fingerprints.”

“You sure about that?” Kaidan came closer, smiling when he felt Lex tense against him. His lips grazed his ear as he said, “Maybe you're not a clone. Maybe you're something else, some new toy Cerberus is playing around with.” A hand pressed against his abdomen, sliding a firm and searching touch down. “Should I look for any hidden switches?”

Fingers slid beneath his pants, tips just brushing the beginnings of a nest of coarse hair, when Lex grabbed his wrist and pulled far enough away that he could see the surprise in those warm brown eyes— wide with arousal and lust. “That's not why I'm here.”

Instantly, the heat in Kaidan's eyes was gone. He sighed and freed himself from his hold. Once more that cool and calm presence settled over him. Lex felt like laughing, or maybe slamming his head against the wall. The bastard didn't seem affected in the slightest.

“Well then would you kindly get the fuck out of here? I have some reading to do.”

Lex sighed and shook his head. “See you up top and ready to go before the next mission.”

He didn't receive a reply. Then again, he wasn't expecting one. On his way to his quarters he couldn't help thinking over his earlier warning. Chakwas was onto something. If he wasn't careful, he was going to be in so much fucking trouble.


	6. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

It wasn't his favorite thing in the galaxy, but talking to his yeoman needed to be done. And often, too, if he didn't want Miranda _and_ Kelly both theorizing over his possibly crumbling psyche. However, it wasn't so bad these days. She wasn't as focused on him now that the ship was bursting with all sorts of interesting characters. He tried not to laugh or make any kind of uncouth noise as she went on yet another lyrical wax on Garrus.

Something told him Garrus wouldn't react well (it'd be hilarious for Lex) if Kelly lost control one of these days and hugged the big guy to her sympathetic bosom. He smiled just thinking of it.

“And then there's Kaidan.”

“He's had a session with you?” He couldn't help showing his surprise.

“Not yet, but he's agreed to have a talk with me later today.”

“Really? He agreed to talk with a counselor?” He wanted to say a member of Cerberus but didn't want to seem he had his own barriers in place when it came to that, no matter the truth of it.

“Of course. He understands that whatever he may have heard, most cells of the organization want peace and prosperity. We are not the monsters some take us for.”

“Of course not, but he seems to know them well enough to not like them—seems to have a bad past.”

“Well, Kaidan was nothing but a gentleman to me.”

“We are talking about the same guy, right?” _The man that swears like a mercenary, could be considered a serial killer and—oh yeah—had his hand down my pants the last time we were alone together? That Kaidan?_

Kelly laughed and patted his arm. “Don't tease, Commander. He's not as rough as he wants everyone to think. Obviously, he's been through a lot in his life—to have made the mistakes he has, but underneath the standoffish attitude, the foul language and the tattoos to make him look scary—”

“'Scary's' one word for them.” He would go with “intriguing” but whatever.

“Most of it is just that: a look. I would bet my next paycheck that beneath all of that is a wounded, traumatized soul that yearns for us to understand and help.”

_Uh-oh._ “I'd be careful with that, Chambers. Almost sounds like the beginnings of a crush.” Again.

Kelly shrugged, completely at ease with the implication, and smiled. “He is quite handsome.”

Lex laughed. More times than not it was easy to forget Kelly was a member of an organization capable of such horrific things. He wasn't sure if this meant she was dangerous or a hopeful sign that Cerberus was more good than bad. “That's not very professional.”

“There are many forms of therapy, Commander. I try to help any way I can.”

Lex nodded and she saluted him as he left her station. Once more he had to remind himself that this was not an Alliance operation. Fraternization was not a problem here, if at all for Cerberus. He didn't know if he would sleep with his counselor, but he guessed as long as the ship kept running the others could bunk with whomever they wanted. He thought he remembered hearing something about how turians ran their operations in a similar fashion. To them, it was better than the tension and angst humans could create amongst themselves.

He yawned as he made his way to the tech labs. Mordin shooed him away the last few times. Hopefully he made a breakthrough in seeker swarm repellent, or whatever it was he had that little bug in a tank for. Where the hell did he get that, anyway? Lex stopped short. The three men in the room seemed to be in some sort of a spirited conversation. Well, Jacob was. Mordin always seemed to talk like he had, had several espresso shots. Kaidan just watched the other two, arms folded across his chest and unimpressed with whatever they were telling him.

“You don't get it, man. That beautiful piece has no make and model number from any manufacturing or tech company doing business right now.” Jacob's hands were now starting to move as he spoke. Lex noticed he did that the more excited he became. “Or any from past collections.”

“So?” Kaidan looked bored, glancing Lex's way before looking at the gun on the table between the three.

“Help me out here,” Jacob slapped Mordin on the arm. 

“To be sure, this is technically in the sub-machine gun class. Yet, this design is not from any registered companies.” Mordin lifted the gun, tilting it this way and that. He mumbled about capacity and range, accuracy and damage. Finally, he set it down and looked at Kaidan then to Lex. “This is alien weaponry.”

Lex came over to their circle and picked up the gun. It was light for the class of weapon. Sleek. An odd shade of charcoals and reds. Not what he would pick personally for his arsenal, but a fine weapon. “This the gun you took off Kuril?” he asked Kaidan.

“Yeah.”

Lex considered that. “Kuril had made some sort of a deal prior to our arrival—someone working with or for the Collectors had paid him enough for you, and me and my crew. Maybe this was part of the payment?”

“Maybe there were more of those on Purgatory,” Jacob said.

“And not outfit his men with these? No, if anything, this was a taste of what they could supply. Miranda's checking the files from their database. If there are any leads on who contacted him, she'll find it. In the meantime,” he looked to Jacob, “try to find out all you can about this gun—what it's made of, it's range and power. Mordin, help if you need to but the seeker is still top priority.”

Kaidan turned to him, “So...can I shoot stuff with it?”

Lex smiled, holding the gun out to him. There hands brushed but Lex gave away nothing at the feel of his hot, calloused skin. “It was your find. Just let Jacob play with it before he throws a fit.”

“Hey!”

He left them to it. On his way to the elevator, Kelly informed him of new messages that were sent to him in just the time he was on his rounds of the ship. Lex sighed as the doors closed, head falling back against the wall during the slow ride up. Who knew what new missions awaited him? There was always something to be done.

* * * * *

He was so tired. It felt like years since he had a proper sleep cycle. Lex leaned back in his chair, rubbing his eyes and massaging the tension out of his neck. The last report was finally finished, sent on its way to Miranda and then onto the Illusive Man. He opened his messages, berating himself as he did so. Still, there was a sliver of hope within him that Anderson would send him something—not just passing on missions from Hackett.

Nothing. Lex sighed, tamping down on the urge to throw his empty coffee cup at the fish tank. He _knew_ Anderson was trying his best and he _knew_ there was not much else he could tell him without also being possibly branded as a traitor, but damn it, he was blind and deaf out here. All he wanted was some information. For his own state of mind. It didn't matter. He wasn't getting anything other than to know some of his former crew were still alive.

It had to be enough.

Lex closed his eyes, back in time and on an alien planet. Everything was still so vivid, like it happened mere hours ago. He could even hear the crash of waves. Smell the salt on the breeze. It was a beautiful place.

_Shouldn't have been the place where Ash fell._

And the young soldier, eighteen and eager to prove her worth, had to live with his decision. Ash's decision. When all was said and done, she did exactly that. One of his best. His Vanguard. He made her Lieutenant when they emerged from the ruined Citadel. Jennifer earned every bit of that title.

And now he didn't know if she was safe. Where the hell did they ship her off to where they couldn't even let him write her?

With a shake of his head, Lex came out of his reminiscing. There was a time and place for that and neither was here and now. He was just about to take a shower and head to bed when the console by his door pinged. EDI's blue, spherical “head” popped up from the interface.

_“Commander.”_

“Yes, EDI.”

_“You wanted to know when Kaidan began his counseling session with yeoman Chambers.”_

“Yes. Thank you, EDI. Are there cameras in her office?”

_“Yes.”_

“Standard surveillance that's found around the ship?”

_“Yes, Commander. Similar to the system that you uninstalled from your quarters.”_

Lex smirked and turned to his computer once more. “Connect my computer to the camera feed.” Within seconds the connection was active. “Thank you, EDI. That'll be all.”

Lex opened the feed and was happy to find the audio could be activated. The camera must have been installed on or near the ceiling light fixture. He had a good view of the small room from above. Too bad he couldn't zoom in on the two figures. They were sitting on leather benches across from one another, laid back and at ease. He adjusted the volume. They were making small talk at the moment, Kelly doing what she did best as she made her guest feel welcome and draw him out of his two-word responses.

This was perhaps the first time since he woke up that he was especially grateful this didn't happen to be an Alliance-funded mission. There were so many regulations he was breaking at the moment. Honestly, he knew better but Kaidan brought something out in him that made him give absolutely zero fucks about regulation. Maybe it was the other guy Kaidan brought to the surface. In any case, Lex found it hard not to make Bad Choices when it came to Kaidan.

He wanted more insight into the biotic. Was he all Kelly thought he was, or the deranged animal Miranda wanted off the ship? But perhaps most of all, he wanted to know if Kaidan would pull the same kind of shit with others like he did beneath Engineering. Lex shook himself of such thoughts when Kaidan leaned forward, closer to Kelly. He seemed to be opening up to her. Lex frowned and turned the volume up as much as possible.

_“I admit to being skeptical at first. So far, you're the only one from Cerberus that doesn't seem crazy or have some sort of horrible agenda.”_

Lex's mouth fell open. Kaidan's voice was soft and friendly with none of the heat or bite from when they were alone. Kelly was giggling, leaning ever so slightly toward him in an answering pose. Kaidan gave her a small, hesitant smile and Kelly's hand came to rest on top of his.

_“Well of course, Kaidan. Every person on this ship is friendly and hard-working. Many of them turned to Cerberus for help. They found open arms. I hope one day you can too. I encourage you to talk to them. You might be surprised to find some things in common, and maybe even some friends.”_

_“I doubt that.”_ And he sounded so forlorn that Kelly leaned closer, massaging that hand now.

Lex scoffed, wanting to yell through the screen at his yeoman. Could she really be that gullible?

_“Would you talk to me? Tell me what Cerberus did. I want to understand, Kaidan.”_

It was quiet for a minute or two. Finally, Kaidan spoke and his voice had a slight tremor to it. _“They're the reason I was sent to that fucking hell hole.”_

_“Purgatory Prison Station?”_

Kaidan nodded, taking in a calming breath. _“I've done bad things, Kelly. Unspeakable things. Monstrous things. But I can honestly say that the worst things I had to do I was forced to. For a long time I didn't do those things. I tried to be good, I did. For a while it worked. I had a life that I didn't mind. I...I had someone.”_

_“We were even talking about marriage. Babies. I still can't believe it. Someone wanted me enough that they wanted a child from me—”_ His voice caught and Kelly moved from her seat to beside him, rubbing his back in comforting circles. _“But she wasn't human, you see. A pretty little quarian I had met when she was docked on some backwater world. Her name was Rikah.”_

_“Was?”_

Kaidan laughed, a humorless and pathetic sound, and he continued as if he didn't hear her question. _“I never knew humans could be capable of such despicable things until I found my Rikah after a Cerberus group had finished with her. I couldn't—I didn't—I was too late.”_ A sob cut him off and he curled in on himself.

_“That wasn't your fault, Kaidan,”_ Kelly cooed. Her hand stopped its rubbing to card fingers through his hair.

_“But I made those bastards pay. I didn't care if I lived through it or if I got caught. I wasn't subtle about it. One of them was a son of an important man, though. It wasn't enough that I gave myself up. They wanted me to pay in every imaginable way. So they covered it up and I was left to die in Purgatory.”_

“Bullshit,” Lex huffed out.

The file on Kaidan was vague and a lot of the details kept out, but his story reeked of the kind of melodrama that Tali would have been all over. Wasn't this the plot of one of Blasto's earlier films? What a fucking waste of time. He was about to shut the feed down when he noticed the way Kaidan's hand drifted up Kelly's arm. Kelly leaned into his touch, still petting his hair.

_“What they did to me in Purgatory... What they tried to do? I don't...I don't feel anything anymore, Kelly. I don't feel human.”_

Everything devolved quickly from there. Lex wanted to laugh or cry, he couldn't quite decide at the moment. Kelly ate it all up until she was finally writhing beneath him on that black leather bench. It would have been funny in a way if he didn't feel like punching a hole through the wall. Or maybe puking his dinner up.

It was official. Kaidan was probably—most likely—a psychopath. And the worst possible kind. He wasn't the guy you made a wide berth for when walking down the street. He was the guy you stopped to help when he was stranded on the side of a lonely highway. He was charming and compelling. Fascinating and dangerous. A flash of that smile? A hint of sadness in that smoky voice? You wanted to help him. You wanted to protect him. You wanted him.

But it was an act. All of it. He could smile, laugh, cry, fuck—but it didn't mean a damn thing because it wasn't in him to. He adapted to his environment. That was survival.

Lex sighed, watching Kaidan for a moment longer. He would allow himself that much. The man really was a creature of beauty. Fit. Toned. A few days of properly filtered air and light, along with balanced meals, restored the healthy natural tan of his skin. And, goddamn, the way he moved against Kelly and the noises he made as he came ever closer to reaching the peak of his pleasure would echo through his mind for days.

This would be enough. His fingers moved lightly against the screen, tracing an outline around the man that wouldn't get out of his head. This would be the closest he would ever get to having him and it had to be enough.

He turned off the feed and got ready for the sleep cycle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Jack. Just want to make that clear. In fact, I _almost_ romanced her with the Shepard I was saving for Kaidan in ME3. Almost. However, I did kind of roll my eyes when Jack finally opens up to me--and that's her story. A frakking survivor's guilt love story? No way. Jack was too awesome for that. So I was playing around with that idea. Yeah... Kaidan's an asshole and uses sob stories to get laid. I totally see Bad!Kaidan doing something like that. :D
> 
> Also, I don't mind Kelly really and I'm not actually writing her in a bad way. Or I tried not to. If you feel I did and take offense, it wasn't my intention. I do think that character was unprofessional though when it came to sleeping with, or being open to sleeping with, people who may have had her confidence as a counselor, but I'm saying this in 2013. Maybe views on such things changed by the time 2185 rolled around. It made her come off as naive in a way, for me. Like she fell easily for anyone who seemed vulnerable. Definitely shouldn't have chosen that profession if she's that empathetic. Her dialogue about Garrus always cracks me up. :D


	7. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been delayed. I blame it entirely on the fact that I am trying to be Serious Business Responsible Writer and am working on an original manuscript, so it can be sent out for query. However, a sad-faced reader was all sad-faced and came bearing Internet cookies for bribery in the hopes that I had something to share. I whipped the rest of this up today--because I feel guilty. And there's nothing worse than bribe cookies, salty with the taste of reader tears. :D Hope you guys enjoy! *munches cookies*

**Chapter Six**

“You want me to do it?”

Lex waved Garrus' question away. He didn't turn around because he knew the asshole was doing that thing. Not necessarily a smile. Turians didn't do smiling. It was more a twitch and shuddering flare of mandibles and almost all in the tones of his voice. No, he wasn't turning around when Garrus was being The Annoying Tech Guy. Besides, he totally had this.

The safe beeped at him again and he wanted to rip it off the wall and send it through the garbage compactor. “And why don't we use omni-gel anymore?”

“Now I know you really have been dead for the last two years.” Kaidan scoffed as he kept watch at the door of the small office they were huddled in.

“Coma, and don't try and tell me you guys don't miss it either.”

“I never needed it.”

“Me neither. As I recall, this kind of thing was usually reserved for Tali. Or Jennifer. Or me. Well, basically anyone but you.”

“Shut your face. I'm awesome.”

Two sets of snickering was his answer but he paid them no more attention. He just needed to focus. Obviously the wiring on this one was shoddy. With a readying breath he accessed the code program that would disengage the lock. Finally he managed the right sequence and the safe was his to search. A nice sum of credits to split, some contracts for minerals he could add to their resources, logs of information that didn't really pertain to his mission—lots of things kept protected in such a fancy safe, but not what he needed.

Garrus' armor pressed against his back as the taller alien leaned over his shoulder to look at the contents. “Well, that was a waste of time. At least you got some practice in.”

Lex sighed and moved past them, shouldering his rifle along the way. “I was hoping to do this quietly, but it looks like we'll have to go in. Be ready for standard Blue Suns.”

Garrus nodded, setting his ammo for the perfect type against the mercenaries. “I didn't want to be the one to say it, but, Shepard, that operative is most likely dead. I doubt we'll find any coordinates to find them because they're no longer being kept. Mercenaries don't 'keep' prisoners unless it's an order. Since this operative was carrying information, they would have worked on them until they got it.”

“I know. I actually was hoping whatever they obtained would be locked down. Now I'm thinking it'll be kept close to the leader.”

“Well, it's not in his office, that's for damn sure. And if he sent it out already to his employer, he didn't send it from that computer.”

“Most likely the Suns don't know anything. The second this operative knew escape was impossible they would have blown up.” Kaidan motioned toward his face, small smile flitting across his lips. “Explosive implants in the molars for just such an occasion.”

Garrus hummed, nodding as he thought that over. “Better than cyanide because it could also take out their captors.”

“Well, this building seems intact. If they did detonate, it wasn't here. We'll look around. Let's hope this wasn't a waste of fuel.”

They left the office. Lex led them through the bottom level. It was a pretty standard office building. Lounges, offices and bathrooms here and there. It was all for show. Whatever business the Suns had in the building, it was in the upper levels. As they rode the elevator he noticed Kaidan leaning against the wall, gun holstered and no sign that his biotics were activated.

“Something wrong with your gun, Kaidan?”

“Nope.”

“Another headache?”

“Always, but nothing I even notice.”

“Then why aren't you in any kind of a defensive stance?”

“I will when the time comes.”

“You got a problem with your job, Kaidan?”

“Yeah, I do. Why'd you bring me along?”

“I'm not quite following you.”

“I don't give a shit about what this operative was carrying. I don't care if they're dead. Hell, if they were here and still alive, I might finish them off. You know this.”

“And?”

Kaidan shrugged, “Just seems more a job for the Doctor, is all.”

Lex smiled and turned back to the doors. “Have to see what you can do, now that you're not some doped up, half-starved duct rat.”

“You won't be disappointed.”

The small space filled with a bright blue light. Every hair on Lex's body stood up and prickled with energy.

The elevator doors opened.

* * * * *

“You found nothing?” Miranda leaned back in her chair, hands folding neatly in her lap.

“Not really. We know the Illusive Man sent this particular agent out to the Omega Nebula. Light recon only, wasn't supposed to go near the actual relay. Mainly just sniff around, see if anyone heard much about the Collectors and pay attention to ships making frequent back and forth trips.”

“What did the Blue Suns find out?”

“That was it. They intercepted the operative before she could even begin her investigation. She used Cerberus'...fail-safe.”

“Good. And who hired the Blue Suns?”

“It's looking like the same group that brought Kuril over to their side.”

“You don't know for sure.”

Lex frowned at the impatient note in her tone, “And how has it gone for you, looking through Kuril's records for his buyer?”

Miranda smiled, posture easing. “Fair point, Commander.” She sighed and stood to come around her desk. “I suppose it's good enough that Cerberus didn't lose information, and another cell working for the Collectors have been taken out.”

“I'll take any kind of victory wherever I can.”

“And this was Kaidan's first mission with you. How was he on the field?”

“I'm not exactly comfortable with buying people, but he's worth every credit the Illusive Man spent.”

“Good. He'll be useful. Now, if we could know for certain if he'll follow orders.”

“He questions them but when it comes down to it, he knows how to follow commands. Hell, I honestly don't blame him for questioning. Cerberus isn't exactly his favorite organization, and last he heard of me was when I was spaced.”

“Unfortunately, we don't have the time to gain his approval or trust, but since you seem to think he is stable enough for the job, I won't interfere.”

“I know you don't like the idea of him working with us. I even see your point. All I ask is that you try and work together.”

“Of course, Commander.”

“I'll let you get back to work. Oh,” Lex turned once more to her, “were you able to retrieve the credits that were paid to Kuril?”

“Not yet, but I did find the accounts they were deposited into. I should have them once more in your mission account by the end of the cycle.”

He nodded his thanks and left her to her business. With Gardner off-duty, Lex used the Mess Sergeant’s time away from his post to raid the kitchen. He missed lunch and dinner with the mission and debriefing. It didn't have to be anything elaborate—sandwiches were as good as anything.

As he went through the motions of putting together his meal, his thoughts went back to a few hours before. What he told Miranda wasn't a lie. He did, however, downplay his enthusiasm for the biotic's talent and power. Most biotics he worked with stayed in the back of the unit—Lifting and Throwing opponents or picking off the wounded with a pistol from afar. Kaidan did that too, sure, but Lex found the man was a bit more hands-on than any other biotic he shared missions with.

Where Jennifer had worked with Lex and Garrus' shooting—throwing out a Lift at the perfect moment for maximum damage to enemy numbers, Liara was much more controlled and powerful. That had been his first time working with an asari and she didn't disappoint. Even for a scholar, Liara could manipulate her surroundings like the most seasoned fighter. And the amount of power she wielded? Incredible. However, in all his squads, he had yet to fight alongside someone quite like Kaidan. He didn't just Lift and Throw. He brawled, with the power of element zero behind every hit. Between taking a perfect shot and falling back into cover, Lex had looked over to the biotic during the fight with the Suns.

He looked just in time to see Kaidan vault over cover, rush a trooper—and snap their neck with a biotic kick.

The fight went on like that until all of their enemies were dealt with. He and Garrus would shoot, Overload and cause big booms. Kaidan would grab men and hurl them about, shoot them as they drifted frozen in the air or, when he tired of that, rush some poor bastard to give a messy death.

It was all chaos and blood, but he noticed the three of them worked beautifully together. What that possibly said about he and Garrus he didn't want to examine.

Lex took a bite of his sandwich and grabbed a few bottles of beer. The thought of going to his lonely cabin didn't appeal to him so he veered off toward where he last saw Garrus. He was pretty sure the turian slept most cycles in the Main Battery but had yet to ask. If that's how his friend worked through all that was haunting him, so be it. Lex liked sex and booze; Garrus preferred the hum of the engine and complexities of the canon. He wasn't here to judge.

He was just about to make himself known when voices caught his attention. Garrus was in the back of the Battery, hunched over his work table. He was taking apart his rifle for its daily cleaning while a voice came over the comm.

_“Is that where you learned to shoot like that, the military?”_ Kaidan sounded subdued, calm.

Garrus scoffed, shaking his head. “I think turians are born with at least some of that already learned.”

_“Got you while you were young, huh?”_

“Isn't that what every culture does?”

_“Fair point.”_

“But no, not all of it. I learned most of it at C-Sec—you constantly have to go in for tests and license renewals. Always have to show that you're at your best. Of course, working on the Citadel, there wasn't much practical use for a rifle. I truly mastered that when I went to Omega.”

Kaidan's quiet laugh crackled over the speaker. _“You would have to, if you want to survive a place like Omega.”_

“Damn straight.”

There was silence for a moment and then, _“And now you're here.”_

“Now I'm here.” Garrus sighed and reverently picked up another part to clean.

_“How did you know? How did you know to follow him?”_

A low, fluted thrum came from Garrus and he sat straighter. “He's not a robot or a clone, Kaidan.”

Lex frowned, it didn't take a genius like Miranda to figure out who they were talking about and it sounded like they had this conversation before.

_“How do you know that? Cerberus... They do some pretty fucked up things. A Shepbot sounds right up their alley.”_

“I knew from the moment he walked into that shitty little building on Omega that it was him. So quit planning on blowing up the ship, or whatever you're up to.”

“How _?_ ”

Now it was Garrus' turn to hesitate. “It was his scent.”

Kaidan snorted, _“The fuck's that supposed to mean?”_

“Shut up and listen. You've bugged me nonstop about this so now you're going to get a turian biology lesson. Everything—be it plant, animal, rock or gas—has a base scent. Humans have a scent, turians, volus, quarian, pyjak—everything. An individual then has a unique scent added to that base scent.”

_“So, you're saying you know what the real Shepard smells like?”_

“Yeah, I do.” Garrus said it in such a way that Kaidan didn't come back with a sarcastic retort. “I lived in close quarters for months with him, Kaidan. I know him. I know the sound of his gait, which leg he favors—not because of an injury, but because one leg is the slightest bit shorter than the other. I know the range and tones of his voice. I know his scent. And those things cannot be duplicated, cannot be faked. I doubt Cerberus, _in all their human wisdom_ would even know to try and recreate such traits. So knock Imposter Shepard off your Crazy List because it's him.”

They talked a bit more, bullshitting about the job and the head count between them. Kaidan signed off the comm and Garrus began the process of refitting his precious rifle. He said nothing when Lex placed one of the beers on his table, though he was sure the turian knew he was there since he walked into the Battery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really loved the conversations that happened around the ship on ME3. I played around with that a bit. I hope everyone is still enjoying the story. I feel like there might be another chapter up soon. Like today even. But...I do need to get back to work eventually. :) Tell me what you guys think!


	8. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, it's the next installment! I didn't abandon this story. It just took me a bit to juggle a few projects and take some time to write all this out and get everything as close to perfect as I could get.

**Chapter Seven**

His thoughts replayed over and over during the elevator ride down. Garrus' words echoed through his head—their small exchange before he left the Battery.

_“Why hasn't he tried to murder, maim or molest you?”_

_Garrus laughed, a dry and slightly mechanical sound to Lex's ears, and downed the rest of his beer. “I'm not human.”_

_“So that's what it is.”_

_“Can you really blame him, Shepard?”_

He couldn't. He didn't. Whatever happened to Kaidan, it was bad. And humans did it. Not batarians. Not turians. Not killer machines. Kaidan had seen the ugliest of humanity and it had to do with Cerberus. The same group that funded Shepard. An organization that he was now the figurehead for. He thought back over the last few weeks and smiled, seeing now what should have been so obvious.

Kaidan sought out for company, and worked well with, his non-human teammates. Sure, he would fuck a woman like Kelly—she was charming and cute enough. But it was a means to an end. Sex meant little to a guy like him and, in some ways, it was an outlet for revenge. The stuff that mattered though? Trust and respect, maybe even a begrudging friendship? That was reserved for those who did not have red blood flowing through their veins.

Gaining even a small portion of any of those was going to be difficult and dangerous, considering who the man was. The suicide mission might be easier in the end. But if they were to work together, to go on said suicide mission, he needed to gain even an iota of his trust.

Finally, the elevator came to a halt and he stepped into the brightly lit corridor. Sometimes he hated coming down here as the light hurt his eyes, only to fade away and leave him blind for a moment or two as he descended into the lower levels of the Normandy. He made an effort to be heard over the hum of engines. When he turned the corner, red light washing over him and the little nook of a living space, Kaidan didn't even raise his eyes away from the tablet he read. Lex didn't expect a greeting and instead of trying for small talk set a steaming cup on the table before leaning against the wall, leaving plenty of distance between them.

Kaidan made a point to read the next two pages, swiping the screen with a languid movement of wrist and finger, before glancing at the cup. The pad was shut off and placed beside the mug of the clear, greenish-gold liquid before he stood with his hip resting against his makeshift table-desk. Lex smiled as he saw the pinched corners around the biotic's tired eyes. He motioned toward the cup.

“Thought about what you said on the mission and figured you could use that.”

“Tea?”

“Had a friend in the Alliance a few years ago—young, powerful biotic. She said sometimes she got headaches from straining her powers now and then. That particular tea helps with migraines.”

Lex was taken aback by the look that came over Kaidan's face. His gaze went to the mug, thick eyebrows furrowed. Not in anger but in something almost like sadness and confusion. It was gone before Lex could really place all of the emotions.

“My headaches have nothing to do with strain. I don't _strain_. I could probably blow up a small moon if I wanted and not break a sweat.”

“Then is it the cryo? Chakwas cleared you, but if you need more time—”

“Didn't you read my file?”

Now Kaidan was looking at him like he was an idiot. “Yeah?”

“Then you know about my L2.” When he didn't immediately say anything to that Kaidan's eyes narrowed, as if he was judging whether or not he was messing with him or really was that dumb when it came to biotics. After a few moments he came around his desk to lean on it. “How much do you know about human biotics and their implants?”

“That's not really my area of expertise, but the few I've worked with mentioned something about an L3 implant not having the nasty side effects of previous tech.”

When what Kaidan was implying dawned on him the biotic smirked. “Can't get anything past you.”

“L2s aren't used anymore.”

“Yeah, and they were going out of style back when I was a kid, too. Didn't stop Cerberus from shoving one inside my fucking brain, though.”

“But the effects... Why—”

Kaidan took the spoon from the mug and held it up for Lex to see. With a glance and barely a flex from his other hand the metal was crushed and warped until it was the size of a pea. It dropped to the floor, rolling under the table. “When I was tested for biotic power, my scores were, apparently, off the charts. Can't remember where I was supposed to go, most likely that house of horrors the Alliance set up.”

“BAaT?”

He remembered seeing documentaries about that place. House of horrors, indeed. After all these years the Alliance still denied their part in the atrocities that happened there. Most of their involvement proved insubstantial enough that they didn't fall with Conatix Industries. Some believed it was covered up, others chose to remain loyal and hope for the best.

“It doesn't matter. Cerberus intercepted me before I probably made it to the shuttle.”

“You don't remember?”

“Hard to remember when they cut me open and played around my brain for shits and giggles. But that's besides the point. They hauled ass to get me because I was showing readings never seen before. And when they did their own tests and saw for themselves, well, they couldn't get the L2 in fast enough.”

“It's old tech.”

“It's powerful tech. That's what matters.”

Kaidan picked up the mug, keeping his eyes on Lex as he drained the steaming liquid. That damn flower fluttered as his larynx bobbed and Lex knew he failed in his attempts at not staring when he found Kaidan staring right back at him. He came to him, offering the empty cup.

“You find yourself doing a lot of fucked up things for powerful tech.” He gave him the empty mug before returning to his desk.

Lex tried to think of anything else to say, any other reason to linger but only nodded as he made his way up the steps. He really shouldn't press his luck.

* * * * *

“Raise your arms. Not that high. There! Now, hold still.”

Lex sighed, keeping his posture straight as Kasumi came closer with a needle in hand. “You know, they have people on the Citadel who do this. For a job. We're docked here, even.”

There came a quiet hiss and her hooded head gave a small shake. “This isn't so bad. I had to guess on your size but I think I did a good job. Just a few touches and we'll be set.”

“All I'm saying is we could leave this with someone and get it back in no time with perfect alterations.”

“Are you implying something about my sewing skills, Shepard?”

He winced as the needle gave a none too gentle poke to his muscle. “No, ma'am.”

Kaidan, who sat away from them reading his data pad, snorted. Kasumi spared him a glance. The crimson mark on her lip stretched as she smiled at the otherwise silent biotic. “I didn't think so.” She pulled away to smooth out the fine black material of his jacket sleeve, nodding in approval before starting work on the other. “Besides, too many witnesses might remember they saw you. It could get back to the wrong people after you help me with my little problem.”

“You really think some random tailor will remember one man out of a hundred?”

His attention was stolen as Kaidan left his corner of the Port Observation to lean against the windows and watch them. Lex gave away nothing as Kaidan's eyes roamed over him. The suit Kasumi picked out for his mission did compliment him. If he stood straighter and practically preened under his scrutiny no one would be the wiser. And was that approval in his dark eyes? Well, he'd consider that a reward for being Kasumi's mannequin for the past hour or so. Kaidan might be a dangerous fucking madman, but it was still nice to be appreciated now and then.

“I hate to break it to you, Shepard, but you're kind of infamous.” Kasumi began work on the inseam of his biceps with slow, if precise, stitching.

“You wound me.”

“Didn't you just punch some lady in the face?”

“That was a misunderstanding.”

“Sure it was.” She snipped the excess thread from his sleeve and smoothed her hand down his shoulder to wrist, frowning when the length was just a bit off. “Also, you don't exactly have the looks of someone who is forgettable.”

Lex shifted, remembering at the last minute not to raise his arm to touch the scars on his face. “They're only noticeable now really when my adrenaline is pumping.”

Kasumi's tongue clicked and she patted his arm before starting on his cuff. “That's not what I meant. If you were to walk around the Citadel in a suit like this, with such striking looks, believe me, someone would remember you. When we've crushed the Reapers you can quit your day job and become a model, but right now: anonymity is key.”

“How does that work, anyway?” Kaidan piped up, hands going behind his back as he leaned lower against the thick pane of glass. “I wouldn't think a soldier would waste money on plastic surgery. Unless you got it done because of an injury, I suppose.”

“What do you mean?”

“Asian guys don't come with green eyes.”

Lex shrugged the arm Kasumi wasn't holding on to. “I wouldn't know, I'm not Asian.”

“Oh?” Kasumi looked up, surprise coloring her voice and the portion of her face he could see. “It's natural, then? I thought you had enhancement work done, too.” She hummed in appreciation and he could tell she was studying the color of his irises.

“So you're an off-er. Didn't the Alliance run campaigns for enrollment with part of their platform being he was from Earth?” Kaidan asked Kasumi and she nodded.

“Yep. It was all over the media feeds.”

“When I was in a coma?” Lex looked to Kasumi as she once more put her attention to the task of shortening his sleeve.

“Oh yeah. They were really laying it on thick after you died. Earth man from humble beginnings does good. 'You can too! Join today!'”

“Sounds like just more propaganda bullshit.” Kaidan scoffed. “I guess I shouldn't be surprised. One establishment is like any other fucking one out there—regardless of race, ideology or species.”

Lex found himself agreeing but only said, “Well, whatever they told the press, it doesn't change the fact that I'm an off-planet. Born and raised on Aite.”

“That might explain your eye color. Long line of ancestry?” Kasumi considered as she thought this over.

“Third generation. Or maybe fourth.”

“You were definitely there long enough to get the odd difference here and there from the environment. The Alliance said you're a Yank, but I was sure you had to be of Japanese descent.”

“Now that you mention it, I think I heard my grandfather mention something about Japanese heritage.” He winked at her and she laughed.

“I knew it!”

“Aite,” Kaidan reflected on that before shaking his head and scoffing. “You're all about lost causes, aren't you?”

Lex laughed, straightening once more when Kasumi hissed at him to hold still. “I guess it's in my blood. Ever been there?”

“I've been everywhere.” Kaidan's smile was a cruel smirk. 

Lex almost shivered at the look. “Beautiful, isn't it? Maybe I can get back there before it's gone.”

“You should have plenty of time.” Kasumi patted down the sleeve, happy with her work. She stepped back once satisfied with the final look and began putting scissors and needles away.

Lex turned to the mirror she set up in her make-shift quarters earlier and examined the finished outfit. The suit was soft and new. Fit him well. Hugged all the right places. He ran his hand against his abdomen, admiring the make of the suit. Kasumi didn't hold back for this job. For a moment, he had worried when she said she would provide his wardrobe for the mission. Now, he might just have to keep this around. Something posh for the right occasions that didn't have the damn Cerberus logo all over it.

He turned to her once more and nodded. “Good work, Kasumi. Let's go over this again, shall we?”

The door to the Observation opened and Garrus came right to their corner. He spared Lex a small once-over before shaking his head. A low, vibrating mutter that didn't quite translate came from him and he leaned against the wall, arms folded tight against his chest. Lex smiled and the muttering grew louder before Garrus managed to control it. Was he pouting? Did turians pout?

“This is stupid.”

Kasumi sighed, tired of repeating herself. “I told you, this is our best chance of getting Keiji's graybox.”

“It can't be the only way.”

“Sending in a squad will only alert Hock to what is going on. Just me and Shepard will seem like any other guest at his little gathering of _colleagues_.”

“What makes you think this Hock hasn't looked at Keiji's memories already?”

“It'll take time, which is why we need to move fast.”

“And if he has already? They're not impossible to crack. With his money and connections, getting that box open shouldn't pose such a problem. If he has access to your partner's memories, he'll have access to you. He'll know you as soon as you walk through the front door, Kasumi.” Garrus turned his attention to Shepard. “And you're really okay with this?”

“We're running low on options and time, Garrus. This needs to get done and now. If this is the only sure way of getting in and out as fast as possible, we go in this way.”

“You trust her to have your back? You've never even worked with her before.”

“Thanks. You know I'm a thief, right, not some back-stabbing mercenary? I'm not going to get Shepard hurt. He's my best shot at getting Keiji back. Shepard wants me for his coming mission. I'd say this is a fair trade.”

“I'm sure you're as noble as any thief can be, but you can't be as used to combat as the rest of us.” He stepped closer to Lex. “You're practically going in blind, Shepard.”

“I'll be fine. This is a two-man mission and Kasumi is the other man for this.” He put his hand on his shoulder and though Garrus flinched at the contact he didn't pull away. “Next time, big guy, all right?”

It looked like he wanted to say more. Lex knew he wanted to say more. Instead, Garrus stepped back, stiff and calm as if about to go in for a kill shot. He only inclined his head toward him. “Then be safe. Try to get back here in one piece.”

* * * * *

It was far into the sleep cycle. Was it just a day, or two, that had past since last he was in the comfort and safety of the Normandy? Lex sighed, not yet ready to lug his exhausted body to his cabin. Besides, the seats and beds in the infirmary were specifically designed to be some of the most comfortable surfaces, for any race of being. He doubted Chakwas would kick him out if he stayed a little longer.

He felt a tad guilty for getting her chairs dirty and bloody from his clothes. The good news was that most of the blood wasn't his. She wasn't too happy even when he told her that. As long and tiring as the mission turned out to be, he really only received some minor wounds. He dabbed a cloth against his arm. In a few more hours even the burns, bruises, cuts and bullet grazes would be healed.

His suit would need some patching up, though.

Lex leaned his head back against the top of his chair, letting his eyes close for just a moment. Things did not go as smoothly as Kasumi hoped. All the planning was almost for nothing. For all the paranoia his life on Omega gave him, Garrus was pretty spot-on about what might happen to them.

Boy, was he pissed when they returned. At least he helped him to Chakwas before he demanded to know every detail of what went down. Kasumi was better off than Lex, her cloak saving her from most of the direct fire. She had what she wanted and he didn't judge her for slinking off. He would have to pay her back though for leaving him alone to give an unpleasant report to an irritated turian.

There was not much to say, other than Hock figured out quickly who Shepard really was. He knew Kasumi from the start. What Lex didn't understand was why he didn't just kill them then. That was always Lex's saving grace. A person's arrogance gave him that one second more of an advantage. And they needed that extra time. Kasumi had just given his weapons back when Hock decided he had enough games. Without armor, without the plan complete, Shepard and Kasumi were forced to defend themselves.

Some party-goers left as soon as they heard gunfire. Unfortunately, most of Hock's guests were the galaxy's most notorious criminals. They chose to stay and try and get themselves a piece of the Shepard trophy. So they drew more attention to themselves than they wanted. Yes, that part of their mission failed, but they had what Kasumi wanted. She'd fulfill her end of the bargain. Now he had another skilled crew mate, one that could help with the more technical side of the mission. Also, he got to basically make Hock's headquarters a crater. Lex didn't consider any of what happened a particular loss.

He suspected Garrus was more angry at the fact that he didn't have him come along to the fight than anything else. Some slight toward his honor, or something. He said as much and his friend left, that cold visage wrapping around him once again as he hid away for the rest of the cycle. Lex was too tired to chase after him. Tomorrow. He'd make it up to him tomorrow.

With another sigh and yawn that threatened to dislocate his jaw, he stood. On his way to the elevator his omni-tool alerted him to a message from EDI. There was a disturbance earlier between crew mates.

“EDI, what's this about a fight?” He stopped by the interface near the elevator and her bright blue head popped up the moment he called to her.

_“Doctor Lawson and Subject Zero exchanged biotic blows shortly after you and Kasumi left.”_

“What was this about?” It had to be something big. Miranda never lost her cool.

_“I cannot answer that, Commander. I do know that Subject Zero entered Doctor Lawson's office at eleven hundred hours this day cycle. I lost all accounts after that. Doctor Lawson does not have cameras in her office. I was able to piece together some of what happened by others talking around the ship.”_

“You listen to the ship scuttlebutt?”

_“Of course, Commander.”_

“Before I get completely sidetracked, EDI, what happened after this alleged scuffle?”

_“Nothing, Commander. Doctor Lawson resumed her regular schedule and Subject Zero has been mostly beneath Engineering.”_

“And now?” He _really_ wanted to go to bed, but if there was some kind of conflict going on, it was best to end it as soon as possible.

_“Doctor Lawson retired four hours ago. Subject Zero is reading on his cot beneath Engineering.”_

“Thank you. And, EDI?”

_“Yes, Commander?”_

“Subect Zero's name is Kaidan.”

_“Yes, Commander. My files have been updated.”_

“That will be all.”

Lex pressed down for the elevator to take him to Engineering. All was quiet, soothing in some ways. Not a sound aside from the humming of the machinery. Red light washed over him as he descended into the lower levels. He only had a moment to consider where Kaidan had gone, his cot empty and data pad abandoned, when something tackled him from behind.

He didn't think to call out, alert EDI that he needed assistance. In silence they pushed and shoved, thrown fists deflected and intercepted. Lex didn't make a noise, even as he was pushed against the desk, metal digging into his back. Kaidan caged him in his arms as he loomed over him, appearing calm if not for the rage in his black eyes.

Lex tested his grip and found he would have to hurt him to escape. For now, he relaxed in his hold and leveled his best Commander glare at him and knew by the smile twisting Kaidan's features that his eyes were once more aglow. “I'm not in the mood, Kaidan. You got something to say, say it.”

“I don't know what your game is, not yet, but I'll tell you right now if I wasn't fucking clear already—I will not be in Cerberus' fucking pocket. I am not here for Lawson's fucked up experiments. And I am not, in any fucking way, here for your personal fucking pleasure.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Doctor Sassy-pants insisted you're behind it. Maybe she's right. I gotta tell you though, you don't have to go through all these stupid fucking games.”

Lex pushed against him, finally sending Kaidan back a few steps. “Tell me what's going on, or I'm walking right now and I won't be back down here until the morning to lock you in a goddamn holding cell.”

Kaidan scoffed before turning to grab his data pad. He typed a few commands before throwing it at him. “Want to tell me what the fuck this is about?”

Lex read over the screen and laughed. He wanted to slump into the nearest chair but didn't dare let his guard down again. “If I understand this all correctly, and let me tell you I'm running on fumes here, you're pissed because I _paid_ you?”

Kaidan looked incredulous and maybe even angrier. “The fuck for?”

“Because everyone here is?”

“Cerberus can keep their fucking money.”

“It's not Cerberus. Well, it is. Sort of. Not really.” Lex sighed and stood straighter, putting the tablet down and stepping closer. “This was the money they paid Kuril for. I thought it only fair that it should go to you.”

“So you got Cerberus to extract the money from that bastard's account and you made me one with some bullshit name?”

“Yeah, basically.”

“Kaidan _Smith_? Really?”

“I'm not paid to be creative.” Suddenly Kaidan was crowding him again and he stumbled into the wall. “Kai—”

“You didn't have to do that, you know.” Kaidan's voice was all dark silk and ash. He smiled as he felt the shudder go through Lex, hand slipping into his suit jacket he unbuttoned with skilled fingers. “Don't treat me as if I'm equal to them. We both know that I'm not. All you have to do is say it and you could have me spread out. On my back. On my knees. No need to hide behind some bullshit payment.”

Lex moved his head, dodging the soft lips drifting nearer to his. “And then I can be like Kelly, right? A hot fuck in my quarters, or maybe on your rickety cot and then you blow me off? When was your last session with her, anyway?”

“That same day.” Kaidan laughed, pressing closer. “I was hoping that was you. What? Did you really think I _didn't_ know there were cameras? I rigged the connection to alert me if the feed was tapped into when I was in my session. And sure enough, there came a beep.”

“So you're saying you did all that because of someone watching?”

“Why not? On the chance it was you?”

“For my viewing pleasure?”

“Exactly. Don't tell me you aren't interested. All you gotta do is say the word and I'm on my knees.”

Kaidan leaned in once more and Lex had enough. He slid his hands up along his arms. When he got to his wrists he tightened his grip and pushed. It may have been a full twenty-four hours since last he slept, but his speed and strength was still nothing to underestimate. Kaidan grunted as his back slammed into the wall but he didn't fight.

“I told you, I'm not here for that.”

Kaidan laughed, thigh pressing against his crotch. “They even programmed your Good Boy manners in. Nice.”

Lex smiled, knowing full well now that Kaidan didn't believe quite so strongly anymore that he was some diabolical lab experiment. He released him but didn't step away. “It's not so much my manners. You're my crew. Yeah, that's a lot of money—it's a shitload of money—but Cerberus paid that to Kuril for you. He's dead now. That should go to you. It's your ass on the line, like everyone else here. Most of the records on you were at Purgatory, and since that place was blown to hell and you have no other papers identifying you, I consider you a free man. All that shit—it's done now, Kaidan. I hired you.”

“You think so? I'm working for the fucking organization I was running from. You think they'll let me go if we manage to come out of this? You're fucking dreaming.”

“We'll get to that when the time comes. For now, you're my crew. There will be no more coming to blows with other teammates. No more questioning me when we're out on the field. You're getting paid. You're free. You don't have to see this through, but if you do, you work for me. I will not tolerate insubordination on such a mission. Even from you. I need everyone's cooperation or we should just let the Collectors right on to this ship and end it now. Understand?”

Kaidan looked like he was either going to spew some serious profanity at him or give him a good Throw to the Normandy's higher levels. Instead he only huffed out, “Fine.”

“I'm glad we've settled this then. Oh, one last thing.” Lex crossed what small distance there was between them instantly. The length of his body pressed tight against Kaidan's while one hand grabbed him by the back of his neck. Kaidan went stiff, all heat bled from his eyes to be replaced with shock. Lex leaned in, lips close enough to finally taste him. And goddamn it, he wanted to, but he kept himself just far enough out of reach. “You'll find I don't play games, Kaidan. In any way. When I want you, I won't ply you with gifts, money or empty promises. I won't circle and pull back. I'll come right to you. I'll say plainly that I want you. I want you anywhere I can have you. And not some quick fuck, either. You're with me, or you're not. You're choice. No obligation. But I will not be like Kelly. You don't get to come and then hide down here in the dark. Hide behind some bullshit pity fuck story.”

“Fuck you.”

Lex smiled and retreated back to the staircase. “Not yet. Maybe some day, but not yet.”

He was already gone. Out of the elevator and finally, _finally_ , in his soft bed. He didn't see Kaidan fall onto his cot. Shaking hands cradling his aching head. A soft whisper of a curse meeting silence as he sat alone in the red-tinged darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I completely created a new background for Shepard. :) This Shepard is from Aite, a Garden world in The Phoenix Massing/Typhon System. When Kaidan finds this out he says, “You're all about lost causes, aren't you?” It's a nod toward the fact that Aite isn't as populated as it could be due to the unstable moon's eventual crash into the planet within the next 2 centuries. That's just a part of his background. I always thought it was a bit of a waste to have a main character for a sci-fi story have two out of three backgrounds based on earth. This was just something I was playing around with.
> 
> Hope everyone liked this chapter. Sorry it took me so long. I'd love to hear what you guys think, but if I lost everyone with the delay I understand.


	9. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A mission chapter. Plot development. Sort of. Mostly this is stuff we all know and love, but it's my version so I jacked around with it. Also, this was supposed to be out sooner. I happened to come down with a wicked UTI so all this week I've either been nauseous from my painkillers and antibiotics, or in a zombie state because of my nausea medication. Aren't pills fun? So, yeah, that's how my week has been. Anyway, hope you guys enjoy!

**Chapter Eight**

“Was stranded on Etamis once. Miserable place, gave me the creeps. Me and my men were supposed to empty out a smuggler's base that never really thrived out there. The problem was the people that hired me weren't the only ones interested in the merchandise. There was bullets and mortars comin' down from both sides as soon as we landed. I was the only survivor. It wasn't a big deal. I arranged for another team to come get me if it all went to shit and I wasn't back in three days. 

“The first day I saw why that base was such a hot commodity. Tanks and tanks lined up all neat in rows. I don't know who they were, what they were, but they were dead. They looked human except for their features were just enough off for 'em to not be, you know? Too tall, faces too long, hands and feet too large. One of 'em was still alive, though. Right near pissed myself when it opened its black eyes. Looked like it wanted out—pitiful fuckin' thing it was. It put its hand on the glass. Almost reached out to it. Then I noticed a dark green plume of somethin' cloudin' around inside with it. Water, or whatever the hell that was, was leaking out. A bullet must have hit the tank, hit the thing inside it. All that time in a tank and get shot by a stray bullet. Green fuckin' blood...Anyway, I spent the rest of the day and the next smashin' every last one of those tanks. Leveled the base with a launcher. Which was just as well, it was my last rocket anyway.”

Zaeed stood with Lex, staring at the pod that was now in cargo on the ship. He and Garrus accompanied him on the mission to find the krogan warlord that was supposed to be an amazing asset against the Collectors. This was not what he was expecting. Garrus left a bit ago, not wanting to be around if he decided to unleash it. Lex only hummed as Zaeed seemed to finish his story.

The mercenary turned to him. “Careful what you release from tanks, Shepard.”

“Yep. Noted,” Lex said as Zaeed turned and headed for the door. Alone, except for his krogan guest who floated, as if only sleeping, in the tank they brought on board. He looked over the pod once more. “I'm gonna open it.”

* * * * *

Being man-handled by his new baby krogan was actually the best part of Lex's day. Garrus fussed over him. Joker was his usual charming self when he found out there was a biologically engineered, volatile krogan on _his_ ship. Kasumi went to great pains to make sure her cloaking device was always charged and ready should she need to hide but she didn't speak out against Lex's choice to keep Grunt around. Grunt. He smiled just thinking of the name the warlord gave himself. Jacob disapproved of the whole thing. Mordin didn't care, as long as they all stayed out of _his_ lab. It surprised him that Miranda didn't share some of the other crew's opinions. She hardly said a word about it. Perhaps she knew what was in store for him when he had a meeting with the Illusive Man and, for once, cut him some slack.

EDI gathered everyone into the War Room upon his request. Without further explanation, Lex pulled up the file the Illusive Man just had him listen to and played it for his crew.

White noise crackled over the speakers, sounds of screaming and weapons discharging. A loud, grating noise suddenly drowned everything out and still Lex's heart clenched even knowing it was coming. He had heard a sound similar to that years before. The sound of Sovereign bearing down on the people of Eden Prime.

“It can't be...” Garrus' mandibles fluttered but he said no more.

A tinny, sparking voice stuttered over the speakers before evening out. Everyone seemed to hold their breath, leaning forward to hear better. “I don't...what they... Without war... We need assistance now! Repeat: We are under extreme attack!”

“Wait. Is that?” Garrus looked to Lex who could only nod.

“There's no time. Send help immediately. All I can say is the enemy is unknown.” Her voice cut out, harsh breathing puffing into the mic. “At first it was some kind of insects. A swarm of goddamn bugs! I don't know what the hell this is or what they are, but I think they might be mechanical. Had to put up a barrier to fend them off. They didn't turn back for me. Kept going in a straight haze over the colony. I'm keeping low and far enough to not get their attention. Gonna try and find survivors.” Silence came on for a few moments, static popping. She came back on, loud and out of breath. On the verge of panic. “They're taking the colonists. The bugs were just to subdue. We are being invaded and abducted. This is Lieutenant Jen—” an explosion jumbled the recording. Her voice skittered over the static. “—rizon . Send help. Please. Anyone. If anyone is hearing this. Horizon is under attack! Please send for reinforcements!”

Jennifer cried out, blasts from a gun could be heard before something shrieked. The transmission went dead. Lex stopped the recording and came to stand before the silent crew.

“Cerberus intercepted this distress call this morning. Obviously, the Illusive Man feels this attack is connected to the Collectors.”

“Was that _the_ Jennifer?” Jacob looked to Garrus.

He nodded and asked Lex, “What is she doing on Horizon? I thought the Alliance had her doing something super classified?”

“I don't know. Maybe it's luck.” Lex had yet to put his own thoughts in order.

Jacob came to stand next to Lex. “You think they knew something was going on?”

“I doubt it,” Miranda joined in. “A few of our cells have been keeping an eye on any Alliance missions that can be monitored. I'm sorry, Commander. It didn't occur to me that Jennifer was one of the soldiers sent out to Horizon.”

“It's fine. Can you tell us anything about Horizon and why they would need assistance from Alliance soldiers?”

“Horizon is a rather ordinary settlement. Earth-based plants and animals survive well there, so the colony is a pretty good size. Other than that, I can't say much. If it doesn't pertain to any of my current assignments, I don't bother reading over general reports.”

“I know that the Alliance has shipped out some pretty heavy duty weaponry to the outer colonies. Could be that,” Jacob offered.

Garrus scoffed. “Of course. They won't officially back you, Shepard, or even admit that the Reapers are a real threat, but they're not dumb enough to leave everyone completely helpless.”

_“Commander.”_

“Yes, EDI.”

_“I took the liberty of pulling up all reports regarding Horizon. The last one is dated three weeks ago. Horizon was recently given GARDIAN class turrets for defense. However, their calibrations could not be completed and the Alliance sent a small group of troops to help.”_

“Jennifer was always good at tech,” Garrus said, a sad humor tinging his voice.

“Yes, she is,” Lex trailed off and shook himself from thoughts of sandy beaches and clear blue water. “Thank you, EDI. So, now we all know what's going on. By the sounds of the last of the recording, let's assume they didn't have a chance to get the turrets operational. This distress call was sent almost an hour ago. We got to move now. Mordin, please tell me you have something on getting around the seekers.”

“Yes, Commander. Although I would have liked to test this, we don't have the luxury of time. Oh well, we'll find out when you land.” Well, if he sounded so chipper about it, it must be doable.

“I'll take what I can get. Everyone, suit up. I'm going to need a few teams on the ground. As much help as I can get as it sounds like we're the only reinforcements these poor bastards are going to get. Joker, get us there now.”

_“Already on it, Commander. ETA will be in thirty-five minutes,”_ Joker's voice came over the comm. He must have left for the cockpit as soon as the recording finished.

“You heard the man. Let's move out.”

* * * * *

If he lived for a thousand years, the wet sound of ripping the strange Collector sacks open would stay with him to his last breath. Lex stopped himself from shuddering, gagging, as he reached past the filmy outer tissue of the pod. His hand breached the thick liquid layer and he moved around until he found something to grab. A limb came out, followed by a shoulder. The colonist's head lolled back but he knew there was a good chance the woman was alive. They all had been alive. Near catatonic state, but otherwise unharmed.

The Collectors wanted them alive.

As silent and gentle as possible he pulled the latest victim free from one of the pods they kept finding all over the settlement. He handed her to Kaidan while Garrus kept watch at the entrance of what had to be this woman's home. Kaidan worked silently. When they landed and found some of the victims, Kaidan grudgingly admitted that he had quite a vast knowledge of First Aid. He checked her vitals but did no more.

“Just like the others. There's nothing wrong with them. No cuts. No bleeding. No bruises. Doesn't seem to be messing with their heart or lungs. They're just drugged. The best they can do is be put somewhere out of sight and wait till whatever those fuckers shot them full of wears off.”

Lex wasn't fond of leaving someone so vulnerable in this situation but could not see any other option. They hid the woman under her bed, piling what they could around her. When they left the house, Lex caught a glimpse of one of the Collectors dragging a pod in the direction of their giant ship.

“We can't let them leave with all these people,” Garrus said, watching the alien and clenching his fists as it got further and further out of his range.

“We'll do our best. In the meantime, we save everyone we can. Kill every damn Collector we come across. Clear?” His team gave the affirmative while the other groups consisting of Miranda, Zaeed and Grunt and Mordin, Jacob and Kasumi all sounded their agreement over their comm system. “I'm going to make my way to the turrets and see what needs fixing. Hopefully we can blow these assholes out of the sky. All other teams will provide search and rescue and defense.”

They readied themselves before stepping away from another building. Every other couple feet there seemed to be another group of Collectors. Just how many of these things were out there? Every shot fired, every one of them he set ablaze, made an anger he never knew he was possible of rise up inside Lex. The Alliance, the fucking _galaxy_ , was not prepared. The universe was not ready for what was coming for them all.

Lex warned them and yet here he was, fighting off legions of nightmares that were not only prepared for the fight but seemed to be spoiling for it, with nothing more than a handful of soldiers and the backing of a war criminal.

His rage almost distracted him. Suddenly, the Collector that had been trading fire with him began to convulse. Falling to it's knees before slumping to the ground.

**_“ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL.”_ **

The Collector rose, flesh splitting and body glowing in a strange haze. In an instant it was upon them, faster and stronger than before. It studied them now with a new and intense interest, strange eyes shifting from one to the other. They landed on Garrus. He rose from cover, emptying a clip in the damn thing. One arm hung useless at its side and it appeared one kneecap was blown to hell. It merely took stock of the damage before shambling forward.

**_“WE ARE HARBINGER.”_** The voice was mechanical, grating to Lex's ears and something inside him pulsed and screamed at the sound. That was the voice of a Reaper. Another damned Reaper. **_“TURIAN.”_** It lifted its still functional hand, jolting and shaking as if the Collector was a small toy attached to some unseen string. With a flick of its wrist, Garrus went flying even though he was well behind sturdy cover. The shock wave it sent out was enough to stun him and he lay crumpled at the base of the pillar he landed against. **_“YOU HAVE BEEN CONSIDERED AND FOUND TOO PRIMITIVE TO BE OF USE TO US.”_**

The sight of Garrus' prone form sent Lex's emotions into overdrive. He could feel his skin burning, knew his scars had cracked open. He threw a grenade and smiled as it hit Harbinger. The meat suit it wore splattered and somewhere in the distance he thought he heard the metallic roar of rage from the Reaper. Lex didn't waste any time. With a Reaper nearby, they needed to move that much faster. He ran to Garrus while Kaidan covered him. They pulled the turian to safety before examining him.

“Garrus?” Lex nudged his shoulder and when that didn't get him a response he slid his hand up along the catch of his helmet. It released and he gently pulled it off, touching the non-scarred side of his face. “Come on, big guy, wake up.”

Kaidan leaned in, stabbing Garrus in the neck with a stim. When Lex glared at him he only shrugged. Garrus gave a short, stuttered breath. Lex grabbed his hand, gripping it as Garrus fought to regain consciousness.

“Easy there. You're gonna be fine.”

“What the hell was that?” His grip tightened. “Was that a Reaper?”

“I think so.”

“I didn't know... How can they do that?”

“Remember Saren? At the very end? He came right back up after putting a bullet in his own brain. I think it's like that. Whatever they're doing to their troops, it allows them to possess, I guess.”

“So they can just fucking _tap_ into any of their soldiers? At any time?” Kaidan looked at them like they were insane. He shook his head, checking his ammo and omni-tool before looking if they were clear to move. “Fuck this. Let's get done and get out of here.”

“Agreed.” Lex looked to Garrus, handing him his helmet. “Are you good to go?”

“Never better, Shepard.”

_“Commander?”_

“What is it, Mordin?” They were sneaking around a maze of buildings when the scientist's voice came loud and clear over the comm.

_“The team has acquired sixty pods all together. Interesting way of transporting these people. They want them alive for some reason. This is either good news or bad. Have yet to find anything to tell me motive.”_

_“We've saved about forty, Commander,”_ Miranda chimed in. _“We've had some casualties, though. They were children.”_

_“Makes sense,”_ Mordin said. _“Their bodies cannot handle the stasis in the pods. I'm surprised they even would bother taking children.”_

_“Maybe they need any bodies they can get.”_ Jacob joined in.

Lex couldn't think about that or casualties at the moment. “Finish what you're doing. Make sure you do a thorough sweep. When you're done, swing back to the northwest. I'm going to try and get the turrets up and useful.”

_“Roger that.”_

_“On our way.”_

They made it passed more buildings. The Collectors were now spread thin enough that Lex and his team could take them down without drawing more of them to their position. He activated his cloak, sneaking up behind one that knelt to secure a pulsating pod. Silent and efficient, he grabbed hold of the alien's head to expose its throat. It bled out on the dusty ground seconds later.

_“Commander.”_

“Yes, Mordin?”

_“Kasumi has been rendered incapacitated.”_

“What happened?”

_“The shield against the seekers failed. A stray one caught her before Jacob could throw up a large enough barrier.”_

“Are there more coming?”

_“Possibly. I will have to take her back to the ship, make sure she is only suffering from paralysis.”_

_“I'm going back with them, provide cover.” Jacob sounded winded._

“All right. Stay put then. If this all goes to hell, you need to get past whatever's blocking Horizon's comm signals and get word out.”

_“Yes, Commander.”_

They were down a team and there was a Reaper somewhere nearby enough to control it's foot soldiers. Awesome. The turrets still lay a few yards up ahead. More buildings separating them from a weapon with enough power to end the fight. Just had to get there. Every Collector they brought down saved another settler. According to the layout on his omni-tool, the turrets should be up ahead.

**_“I WILL DIRECT THIS PERSONALLY.”_ **

“Shepard!” The rest of Garrus' warning was drowned out as a shock wave knocked them all off their feet.

The ground met Lex's back far sooner than he expected. He gasped for air and choked on dust, ears ringing. There was a taste of blood in his mouth when he coughed. His vision blurred, blacking out around the edges for a moment and a slicing pain arched across his head. What the hell? Harbinger was closing in, raising a gun to level at him.

**_“STOP. YOU MUST STOP NOW.”_ **

Lex sent the possessed creature up in flames, buying enough time to crawl behind a broken wall. He doubted it would be enough cover when the time came, but any extra safety counted. His ribs ached and his temples throbbed. He felt like vomiting. A strange buzzing sound filled the air and Lex barely managed to jump away from his cover when it went down. The charred, borrowed remains of Harbinger shuffled around the rubble, taking slow and precise steps toward him.

**_“IMPRESSIVE. YOU LIVE STILL. DO NOT FORCE ME TO TEAR SUCH A USEFUL SPECIMEN APART.”_ **

Lex scrambled back until he hit a chunk of concrete, trapped. He lifted his gun only to have a burnt, three-fingered hand wrap around his wrist. It was a crushing grip even with his armor protecting him. The Collector crouched before him and Lex finally got a good look at the galaxy's bogeyman. Its facial features reminded him of an insect. Little mandibles twitched and clicked. Four dead, cloudy brown eyes stared straight through him.

**_“YOU CANNOT STOP US, SHEPARD. WHY DO YOU RESIST?”_ **

It was as if someone shot him with a cryo round. Something sharp and cold seemed to run through his veins, fill his heart. It knew him. Why did it know him? He couldn't think. Couldn't move. Couldn't fight back. Helplessness he had never felt before rushed through, stole his breath. Suddenly Harbinger was wrenched away from him, slamming into a building. A large steel beam flew off the ground and embedded itself in the Collector's stomach. It screeched, flailing about as black liquid sprayed from its mouth. A board hit its arm, severing it at the shoulder. A broken piece of slate took out the other. All the while, Harbinger looked at Lex.

**_“WE ARE ETERNAL. YOU WILL REGRET YOUR RESISTANCE, SHEPARD.”_ **

Lex shuddered and tore his gaze away to look at Kaidan. His eyes were blue. A haze of blue ozone wafted around him. Crackles of energy began to spark across his skin and he let out a cry so furious it sounded as if he was in pain. Harbinger's head exploded, a dark greenish-black smear against the crisply painted white wall. Kaidan fell to kneel in the dirt, hand at his temple. Garrus came to him, pulling him to his feet before helping Lex.

They barely had their bearings back when another strange noise filled the air.

“What the hell now?” Kaidan squinted against the sound, skin an ashen color.

Garrus motioned for them to look up. Coming at them was a small, hovering creature. It looked like a drone of some sorts. Before they could really study the thing it released a laser attack on them. They leaped in different directions, scattering for any kind of cover. Lex winced as it knocked out all of his shields with one shot and he could feel where a laser grazed his side.

“Miranda, where the hell are you guys?”

_“Busy at the moment, Commander.”_

The ghastly shriek of a husk could be heard over the comm and Lex cursed. “How bad is it?”

_“If we're not careful we could be overrun. They've brought in some scions.”_

“Alright, we'll do our best then.”

_“Just hold on a little longer. We're coming, Shepard.”_

“Good.” Lex rose for a second to fire at the little machine when its shields seemed to be down. He was just about to throw a grenade, his last, when a voice came over the sound of fighting.

“Take cover!” 

A mechanical whirring noise filled the air and he dropped to the ground, flattening himself as much as he could. All around him debris fell. The turrets, now fully functional, blasted anything that appeared hostile. A great blast shook him and then all was silent.

_“Commander?”_

“Yes, Miranda?”

_“The Collectors are pulling out. Their ship is leaving. I'm sorry.”_

It took him a moment to gather himself. “It's all right. We did what we could.”

_“Was that the turrets we heard?”_

“Yeah.”

_“I'm glad you at least got them running.”_

“I didn't”

Lex stood, ignoring the rest of Miranda's questions. He came to stand with Garrus, weapon lowered. He felt Kaidan join them at his back. A tall, lanky figured jumped down from the turret. 

“Thanks for distracting them long enough to get this going.”

Lex smiled, coming forward to wrap Jennifer in a strong hug. She returned it with just as much force and instantly Lex felt some of the pressure in his chest evaporate. “Hey, Jen. How's it been?”

Jennifer stepped away and Lex knew this wasn't going to be the kind of reunion he hoped for. Those pouty lips thinned into an unhappy grimace. Her dark eyes roamed over him with sick fascination and his face started to itch.

“That's it? That's all you have to say for yourself?”

“What else am I supposed to say?”

“How are you even alive?” She took a step back, keeping her gun unholstered but lowered. “I saw you. You were floating in the black before anyone could get to you.”

“I know this is crazy. It was hard for me to wrap my head around it too. But I was in a coma for two years, Jen.”

She shook her head, looking as if she wanted to either start shooting or running. “I honestly didn't want to believe you were back. We buried you, Shepard! I helped carry your casket. I watched them put it in the ground. There's a goddamn grave with your name on it!”

“It's all right. I know this is startling, but we can talk about this.”

“And then there were reports. Sightings. People started seeing a man with your description, going by the name Shepard. Do you know how furious I was when I heard? How dare someone dishonor my Commander that way? But it was true. The Alliance confirmed it.”

“Jen.”

“I waited for you. I waited to hear anything from you and I didn't get a damn thing. No letter or call.”

“I tried. Even Anderson wouldn't let me near you.”

“You never said anything.”

“He tried, Jen. Lex has only been awake for a few months.”

Jennifer spared Garrus a glance but her attention was drawn once more to Lex. “And you're working for Cerberus? Is that who had you this whole time?”

“I'm not working for them, I'm working _with_ them. I'm using them for their resources. That's it.”

“And what do they get? How could you? Do you remember Admiral Kahoku? Remember what they did to him, to those soldiers? Is that as far as your loyalty goes? With the right price you'll be anyone's poster boy?”

“That's enough,” Garrus said and came forward. Lex noticed Kaidan moved in closer as well.

Jennifer laughed, shaking her head. “I'm surprised you out of anyone would agree to be a part of this, Garrus. Did Omega screw you up that much? How can you support Cerberbus?”

“I don't. I support Shepard.”

Lex forgot his hurt feelings, locking them away like everything else. “If you knew about me, about Garrus, why didn't you say anything?”

“I was under orders not to contact you. You've been compromised.”

“The hell I have! I went to see Anderson the first chance I got! I didn't get any help from the Alliance so I had to put all my effort in with Cerberus." Lex stopped his ranting and took a slow breath to calm his temper. "You're not telling me everything and that could hurt my mission. Jen, why are you here, right when the Collectors attacked this place?”

She seemed to weigh her options, if she could get by without telling him, but finally her resolve broke. With a sigh she holstered her weapon. “Freedom's Progress isn't far from here, as systems and settlements go. The Alliance felt that other outlying, isolated colonies might be potential targets. So they sent teams to watch for anything suspicious, possibly defend if an attack occurred. We thought Cerberus might be behind the Collector rumor, to shift attention away from them and whatever they're up to. Never thought I'd see you and your new crew show up during an attack.”

“Because we intercepted your distress call! You don't honestly think Cerberus is behind this do you?”

“Not anymore. Not after what I saw today.” Jennifer looked around, then up to the now clear sky. “There were close to ten thousand people here. I watched them get carried away to that ship that's who knows where now. I don't know what to think, to be honest.”

“We'll get them back. We're getting closer to finding the Collector base every day. Come with me. We started this together, finish it with me.”

Jennifer looked him over once more, unable to hide how she flinched when she came across his scars. “If you really are who you say you are, you know what my answer is.”

It was like a punch to his stomach but Lex kept his face and voice neutral. “I won't force you. I wish you would reconsider.”

“I want the Reapers sent back to Hell. And these Collectors? If they came with them, they can join them. But I'm Alliance. Always will be. I won't turn my back on what they stand for, what Ash stood for, just to get what I want.” She came to him, taking his hand in a quick, firm shake. “Good luck, Shepard.”

Jennifer nodded her farewell to Garrus before turning and walking off toward the settlement's comm station.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I _really_ love the Horizon mission. Almost as much as I love the Collector Base. This part of the story, the Collectors and Harbinger in general, are such a great and creepy part of the ME universe. I wanted to explore more of how I think this would all be affecting Shepard right now, especially if the Reapers started calling him/her by name. That's so unsettling to me, to be noticed by a race of beings that deem most creatures in the galaxy of no importance. I hope I did the mission scenes justice. If it doesn't make sense, forgive me. I'm coming out of a phernagen haze, people!
> 
> See you around for the next installment!
> 
> Come say hi on my [tumblr](http://zharvolk.tumblr.com/)! I don't bite. :D


	10. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long one. Over 6k words. I don't even know anymore. I hope it makes sense. :D

**Chapter Nine**

Once returned onto the ship from Horizon, the mood was chaotic. Some stayed behind, like Jennifer, to wait for the coming Alliance troops. Others refused to stay one second longer than they had to and asked if the Normandy could take them away—anywhere not Horizon. The best they could do was take them to the Illium port. 

There were bunks to make up, food to hand out and medical attention to give. Everyone on board seemed happy to help. Even Miranda didn't put up a fuss about schedules and delays. It was hectic and he was stretched in multiple directions juggling these new tasks with his already full schedule, but it was good work. Lex put in more hours like everyone else. Which was how he found himself working in a corner of the lab, helping those that Chakwas couldn't get to. He wasn't a doctor, but every N7 soldier worth their rank knew enough to properly see to battlefield injuries.

His patients were his crew. Chakwas was busy looking after the Horizon refugees. At least he had help. Mordin was across the room, helping a partially paralyzed Kazumi work her joints. Garrus had limped away from him a few minutes ago. His knee would be sore the next couple of hours and he was a bit bruised, but he'd be ready by the next mission.

“Follow this light.”

Lex moved the light slowly from side to side, up and down. He whispered an apology as there came a hiss at the brightness. His perception was fine, perfect. Though the deep lines around those dark, glazed eyes told him more than anything that he was still feeling pain. He put the light down, leaning closer to feel around his neck, hands sliding into thick hair. His fingers gently quested across his scalp until he found what he was looking for. He barely grazed the hard edges of the small implant at the back of his head when there came another hiss, accompanied by hands drifting up his back and side beneath his vest and shirt.

“Does that hurt?”

Kaidan continued running his hands along his back and Lex could feel the tremor in them. “Not yet.”

Lex didn't pull away, didn't shake him off. Kaidan was only looking for a reaction, a way to get out of his examination, so Lex simply denied him and ignored the scrape of callouses against his sensitized skin. Chakwas told him Kaidan might have a migraine after he described what happened on Horizon. Unfortunately, his migraines were because of machinery, not chemical. There was little they could do aside from easing some of the tension strain to the amp caused. Lex set to massaging around the amp. Just like the doctor showed him. If he settled closer between Kaidan's legs and enjoyed the way his hair felt against his palms, well, he'd keep that to himself.

“That was pretty impressive, what you did to Harbinger.”

Kaidan grunted, clenching his teeth for a moment as another wave of pain washed over him. His grip tightened on him but Lex didn't show his discomfort as the caresses turned to bruising pressure. “Had to put him down fast.”

“I thought you said you don't strain.”

“I don't. It just so happened that today was the wrong fucking day to hit that piece of shit with a massive amount of energy.”

“You should have told me you were having a bad one.” Kaidan snorted and Lex leaned his head back so he could look him in the eyes. They seemed clearer, the lines around them not so deep. “You're going to sit out the next mission. We'll see if you're up for more after you've given your brain a rest.”

“I'm definitely up for more.” His hands left his sides to slide over his leather pants, inside his back pockets.

When those hands gave a rough squeeze, pulling him closer, Lex laughed and squirmed his way free. “Yeah, you're feeling better. I'll tell Chakwas you don't have permanent damage.”

Kaidan stood, stiff and sore but already a hundred times better than when he was helped back onto the ship. He slowly came to him, crowding him until they were leaning against a sterile counter. Lex didn't back down from Kaidan's endless challenging and they both smiled, feral and ready to lunge at each other.

“I don't know. I mean, I took down a possessed fucking Collector today. The pain's pretty intense.” His sudden look of anguish, complete with a shaky little pout, nearly made Lex's straight face crumble. “Might get dizzy on my way to Engineering. Get lost. Wanna help me back to my cot? Or the desk? Maybe just to the bathroom down the hall?”

Lex did laugh at that and pushed Kaidan away, who suddenly did not look to be in any kind of discomfort at all. “Go get some rest. I'll have more tea sent down later.”

After he left, Lex went about putting his work station back in order. When no one else came in, he went to Mordin. Kasumi was out once again, tucked beneath a plain medical blanket and sleeping off the rest of the seeker effects. 

“How's she doing?”

“Will have complete use of her body in another hour or so, though she'll be exhausted.”

“She wasn't damaged by the seekers?”

“Don't think so. From what we know of them, what we saw on Horizon, seekers are used to immobilize targets for easy abduction. Everyone we took out of the pods were alive, aside from those not strong enough to withstand the stasis they were in. It's a heavy, near-instant sedation, but will wear off.”

“Good to know.” He would pass that on to Anderson so other colonies might have a better chance of fending these things off.

“Might want to be careful with that, Shepard,” Mordin piped up as he wrote on a chart beside Kasumi.

“What?”

“You're attraction to Kaidan.”

“You mean that?” He motioned toward where they had been standing earlier. Of course, Mordin would have been able to hear their conversation. He only shrugged, leaning against the salarian's desk. “He was trying to get a rise out of me. No sense in playing right into his hands.”

“But you're not uninterested. Only warn to be careful and not make light of him.”

“Make light?” Lex had to fight not to roll his eyes. “Does everyone think I'm going to use him for a quick lay?”

Mordin blinked a few times. Perhaps he was confused. It was hard to tell sometimes with salarians. Or maybe that was just his salarian. “Don't think you would. Warning is for you letting your guard down, Shepard. Kaidan is disturbed. We don't know how unstable he is.”

“You think I don't know this?”

“You've read his file. You may even know more than anyone else, as he seems to talk to you more with less deceit than his other human colleagues. Still, you prefer to mate with males. I've watched you when we're docked. You take interest in males who are physically fit, have certain 'pretty' or 'well-kept' appearance. There is an element of danger that attracts you to those you spend your shore leave with.”

“Mordin—”

“Seem to find potential mates mostly when we dock on Omega or other...colorful places.”

“Okay. I think—”

“In fact, have hypothesized that, given the right situation and right amount of adrenaline and endorphins, would take turian or even krogan as mate.” To Lex's horror, Mordin started muttering about positions and possible allergic reactions. The best lubricant. The need for skin protection. Finally, he shook himself of his thoughts and blinked at him, seeming to remember their conversation. “Point was, Kaidan fits your type.”

“Nothing's happened.”

“Of course not. If already engaged in sexual intercourse, there would be no need for the ritualistic, verbal dance that occurred earlier.”

“Ritual?”

“Also, you might be dead or worse.” He patted him on the arm before turning his attention to the data from their last mission. “Never hurts to remind you.”

* * * * *

“I can assume that I won't find certain members of my crew dead when I get back?”

“Be assured, Commander, that while on this mission—working for you and your cause—those under your employment will come to no harm. From me.”

“And after?”

“I promise nothing.”

“That will have to suffice. My crew won't make trouble for you and you will return the favor.”

“Of course, Commander.” Samara noticed how Lex stopped walking with the team as they neared the docking area. “I see you are not planning to return with me.”

“No, I have another contact to seek out. Do you object to an escort?”

“That would be agreeable, thank you.”

Lex turned, watching his new crew member from the corner of his eye. Now he had a justicar helping on his mission. He wanted to kick himself. When he looked over Samara's dossier, he had been excited and intrigued. Finally, he was going to have an asari at his disposal again! And one as powerful as a nearly one thousand year-old justicar? Even better. Now he wasn't so sure. He researched what he could of justicars. There wasn't really much out there, but that didn't surprise him. He did remember reading something about the strict code they lived by. He just didn't realize how much that could affect him, or the people under his protection as their commander. Before this was all said and done he had a feeling he was going to have to do some intense sweet-talking and tap dancing to get around Samara's code.

He leaned closer to Miranda. “Take Samara back to the Normandy. Make sure she has everything she needs.”

“Yes, Commander. You're not boarding yet?”

“I have some errands to take care of while we're here. Wanted to talk to Liara again, if she's not busy. Also, might as well try and catch this Krios guy while he's here.”

“Alone?”

“The first part of all that, yeah. I'll call in later for the fun stuff. Don't worry about that.”

Miranda only nodded and turned to carry out her orders. Zaeed, who had been quiet and attentive during his and Samara's exchange, nodded his farewell to Lex and headed in the direction of the nearest bar. Couldn't blame him. Not after Samara explained in more detail what her code entailed, and the colorful life the mercenary lead. It was best not to take a chance just yet.

Lex wandered his way through the crowds of one of Illium's business sections when he parted from the congestion to lean against a polished wall panel. It was a quiet little nook so he activated his omni-tool.

_“Shepard.”_ Garrus' voice came smooth over the line.

“Wanna join me off-ship?”

_“On another mission already? I heard Miranda came back with our interesting new teammate.”_

“You know me. No rest for the wicked.”

_“Right.”_

Lex frowned. He sounded distracted. “So what do you say? At this rate, you won't be able to catch up to me on hits.”

_“Uh...I can't.”_ He was definitely preoccupied. Not even a hint of sarcasm or teasing in his tone. There were a few moments of silence. _“I'll have to sit this out, Shepard. Something's come up.”_

The line disconnected before he could properly sign off. Lex sighed, staring at the open interface of his omni-tool. This was the second, no third, time Garrus refused a mission. Ever since Horizon something was distracting him. The others were great—the galaxy's finest at their jobs. But it wasn't the same. Lex snorted and shook his head. Even with the suicide mission looming ever closer, he still found the time to pout 'cause his friend didn't want to play with him anymore. Oh well. Give him time. He'd get it out of Garrus why he was suddenly so distant and moody, eventually. And then he'd do his best to fix it, get his sniper back in tip-top shape.

In the meantime.

“EDI.”

_“Yes, Commander?”_

“Is anyone down here?”

_“Aside from Zaeed, Grunt and Kasumi are shopping. She volunteered.”_

Lex chuckled, imagining the picture the pair made. “Anyone else?”

_“Kaidan. Those are the only team members on Illium at this time. There are a few of the ship's crew, but I doubt you are looking for our maintenance people.”_

“Thank you, EDI. Send me coordinates for my three crew, other than Zaeed. I know exactly where he went.”

_“You have them now, Commander.”_

He signed off and went in search of his crew. He'd do his errands along the way. And, perhaps, make them tag along on a few of the boring chores.

It was a surprise to find Kaidan where he was. Then again, he didn't really know him. Still, a sunny park just didn't fit with how he perceived the biotic. Unless it was to blow up birds or light bugs on fire. He could see that. What he never imagined was finding him under a tree, reading most likely more Cerberus files on his omni-tool. Lex wasn't going for stealth but it was impressive that Kaidan looked up after he took only a few steps in his direction.

_He's learned to always be on his guard._ To always know his exits. Always notice the other person in the room. His posture didn't change in the slightest, but Lex knew he had been ready to fight or run as soon as he heard him. His onmi-tool closed but Kaidan didn't make a move to stand, only doing so when Lex stopped and motioned for him to follow. He didn't wait, walking back the way he came. Kaidan fell into step beside him.

“You never wear armor.”

That earned him a rare look of genuine surprise. Finally, he frowned and shoved his hands into the pockets of the tight jeans he still wore most often. “I don't need it.”

“Can't hurt to have some.” He paused to let Kaidan into the transit. Once their destination was typed in, he sat back and enjoyed the ride. “You can afford it.” At the look on Kaidan's face he kept from smiling but asked, “You haven't spent any of your earnings yet, have you?”

“Haven't found the time, what with nearly getting my ass shot off every time you make me leave the ship.”

Sure, that was why. Lex held off on questioning him further and only smiled again, grinning wider as the other man started to look annoyed at his good cheer. He couldn't help nudging him with his leg. “It must be your lucky day then.”

“What? We're gonna do more than play fucking footsie while the damn universe burns down?” He kicked Lex's leg away from him and he only laughed but kept his distance for the remainder of the ride.

The vehicle stopped and Lex climbed out, waiting for his surly companion to join him. “While I got you nice and docile, and your ass isn't being shot at, I wanted to get you properly outfitted.”

“The fuck for?”

Lex stopped walking toward the armor store he spied earlier in the day and turned to Kaidan. “You're amazing on the field. I can't even try and deny that. But after Horizon...” He had to shake himself from the images of Collectors carrying helpless people away, of the zombie-like husks and other nightmares that swarmed the colony, of Harbinger. Kaidan frowned, moving to walk around him and he put a hand on his biceps. He tensed but didn't pull away, only glancing at his hand where it lay over the stretched material of his shirt. “You're used to going in without anything. I saw that the first time I took you out on a mission. Normally I'd let you. Hell, you could run around half naked and I wouldn't say anything. But this is different. The Collectors are something different. More than I—or maybe even you—have ever gone up against.” He couldn't help letting his thumb run across where he held on, the skin warm and soft with a small scar beneath the ink he touched.

Kaidan sighed, slipping away from him. “Whatever. Let's just get this over with.”

The whole ordeal was painless and took less than thirty minutes. Having worked with biotics before, Lex was able to find the best without looking through every choice the salarian dealer offered. Kaidan didn't care, only demanding that Lex better not slow him down with this bullshit armor. After making a final decision and making sure they had his measurements in stock, the suit was going to be delivered to the ship. Lex stopped the vendor, ordering Kaidan to use the stall in the back of the store to change into the armor and have everything else—his clothes included—taken to the Normandy.

Now they were on their way to relieve Kasumi of krogan-sitting duties. He kept stealing glances of the biotic as they found their way through the walkways. Kaidan's movements were just as fluid, no loss of speed or movement. And with the way the black and gray suit hugged him, leaving little to the imagination and fueling fantasies for weeks to come, the biotic cut a menacing figure. Like an assassin. Or maybe a Spectre that the Council only used for the dirty jobs.

Kaidan caught him staring and Lex only smiled before walking into another store. “You could be a marine if I didn't know any better.” The way he carried himself. The confidence he obviously felt in his training and abilities. “Looks good on you.”

Lex didn't say any more, leaving him alone for a bit. He finally noticed that the store they wandered into wasn't a specialty armor or weapons vendor. It almost reminded him of the small shops on earth. Little trinkets here and there. A few random food and drink items. The complete inventory could be reviewed on the store's interface but what they did have in stock filled Lex with nostalgia. He wasn't from Earth, but some things were universal for humans. The convenient store was one of them. This wasn't quite the same, alien brands and knock-offs with broken human languages, but it made him smile to come across something so mundane light years from anything he would call home.

Familiar voices shook him of his reverie and Lex made his way to the middle aisles, nodding to the bored asari at the shop's counter. He found his teammates but lingered a few feet from them as he watched as Grunt stared at some plastic toy in his hands.

“So...These beasts...They're from a human planet?”

“That's right. Well, I'm sure other planets have creatures like them, but yeah, this is definitely supposed to be a dinosaur.”

“Humans should use them to defeat their enemies.”

“Oh, they're not around any more. They became extinct thousands of years ago. Before humans even walked the earth.”

“Extinct, huh?” Such large hands, capable of crushing a grown man with just a slight squeeze, moved so gently across the brightly colored toy. He traced a careful finger along the uneven lines of paint, following the pattern of camouflage.

“You want one? We could have some sent to the ship.” Kasumi sounded so enthusiastic and not at all like it was strange for this supposed killing machine to have a soft spot for a child's toy. Lex was suddenly glad that she was the one to show Grunt around.

“No. This has no use.” Grunt tossed the toy back in the bin with the rest of them, staring down at them for a moment more.

“There you two are. Find anything interesting?” Lex came to stand with them, nodding a greeting.

“Not too much. Grunt wanted to have a look around Illium while we had time.”

“Now that I have seen this city for myself I can say crushing and subjugating it will be no problem.” Grunt sounded pleased with his deduction and looked to Lex for approval.

“Plans for conquest and domination will have to wait. You feel up to another mission?”

Grunt snorted, shoulders moving as if warming up for the fight. “Of course I am.”

Kasumi chuckled and gave him a small salute as she made her way around them. “Have fun, then.”

They exited the shop without buying anything, much to the shopkeeper's annoyance. Lex turned to his team. A psychotic biotic and a baby warlord. At least they looked terrifying. He smiled as the two came to stand at attention, Kaidan not even aware of the change in his posture.

“All right. Let's move out and find Thane Krios.”

* * * * *

Lex and Kaidan ducked behind a few crates for cover. He peeked out and couldn't help smiling as Grunt gave what could only be described as a battle cry before engaging a krogan bounty hunter in combat. The engineer that was trying to sneak up on Grunt suddenly became enveloped in a blue haze before smacking into the wall. It wouldn't keep her down, but the force of the hit had to have knocked her shields down immensely.

This mission was not turning out at all like he thought it would. 

Who would have thought Krios' target was a woman he had the displeasure of working for two years ago? It didn't take long after Seryna, the head detective on the case, began explaining the situation with the tower and the assassin to remember Nassana. She was a piece of work. Her _and_ her sister. Still, from their time together he didn't think she would do this, be capable of such bloodshed. It was just another reminder of how much things tended to change, even just over a few years.

A FENRIS mech froze in its leap over their cover, suspended in that familiar blue haze before it was pulled apart by the very air around it. He glanced to Kaidan, noticing the tension in his frame, the anger burning in his glowing eyes. That was another thing about this mission. Something about it had Kaidan on edge. From the moment they saw the tower's workers gunned down to the room of terrified survivors, the biotic had gone quiet. More ruthless with the Eclipse mercs they came across than usual.

Lex didn't have any more time to wonder as he took the opportunity to finish off the Engineer before another one came running into the fight. When the firing subsided, enemies dead and no other fun surprises waiting to jump out at them, they cleared the floor and moved on.

He'd give Nassana one thing: business must have been great the last two years to afford so much security.

Finally, there seemed to be lull in mercenaries. They were making their way through the third floor with no one in sight. Eclipse troops must have already passed through. Most of the offices were in shambles, papers and office paraphernalia littered the corridors and doorways. Spatters of blood, bodies here and there. Now he could see why Seryna really wasn't surprised there was a hit on Nassana, or why she didn't want to stop it from happening. Just another day at worked turned into a massacre for these poor bastards.

From his position up ahead Grunt signaled for them to stop and listen, indicating noise in the room to the right. As they came closer the noise grew louder and Lex could make out a voice. It was muffled, as if filtered through a helmet. Sure enough, when they slipped into the room they found a lone mercenary in full armor and talking to who could only be Nassana over his radio.

“Even if someone got through downstairs, they can't stop all of us... It'll be easier now that all your workers are out of the way... We shoot anything that moves... Let me do my job and you just make sure you live to pay us.”

The connection ended and they all pulled their guns on the merc's back. “Keep your hands up and turn around slowly.” The merc kept from startling but did as he asked. 

“What the hell? Three of you? I thought there was only one guy doing all this shit.”

Lex came closer, gun ready. “There is. We came later and took care of you bastards that are still wandering around.”

“What the fuck do you want, then? We're a bit busy.”

“I'm looking for someone. The guy who went through all your best defenses like they were nothing.”

“If I knew, do you think I'd be here right now?”

“It doesn't sound like you're any use to me.” Lex stepped closer, smiling as the mercenary tried to back away.

“Look, that guy's after Nassana. I didn't sign up to be her meat shield. You want him, you'll have to get to Nassana. Let's deal.”

“Why would I want to do that?”

“Because I can let you by with just a word. The rest of the way there will be completely free of resistance.”

“Basically, let you and your men go.”

“We have nothing to do with this shit. Just happen to work for that bitch.”

“Is that what her workers said, right before you put them down?” 

Kaidan's voice was quiet, calm. Lex glanced at him. His dark eyes were trained on the Eclipse leader. Before the merc could reply, a blast of energy caught him like a punch in the stomach. He flew back, through the window he was standing in front of, and they heard his screams until he hit the ground.

There wasn't time to reflect one way or another on Kaidan's actions. Eclipse troops seemed to swarm them after that. Grunt laughed, hitting Kaidan on the back before throwing a grenade at the on-coming wave of pissed off mercenaries. Oh, well. If anything, this would provide more practice for Grunt.

Progress was slow going. Every other turn of a hall there were more of these bastards. And their mechs. And their drones. And their fucking commandos. These Eclipse assholes didn't mess around. No wonder Garrus developed such a distaste for them. At least they found a few more survivors. Some were wounded but most of them were scared and grateful to see someone with their gun _not_ pointed at them. By the time they made it to Nassana, Lex was tempted to just shoot her in the face and be done with it. Then he remembered he wasn't even there for her.

Nassana's remaining security team raised their guns as soon as they entered the room. At the sight of them--with their guns lowered--Nassana signaled for them to stand down.

“Commander Shepard. I didn't realize dead men could still do so much damage.”

Lex shrugged and came into the room further, just on the other side of her desk. “I had help.”

Nassana looked to the slightly glowing biotic and the krogan in bloody armor at his back. “You always do.” She laughed and shook her head. “I always had a feeling that one day you might try something, after your little job I gave you. Though I had hoped if I was to die, it would be by the hands of one of my sisters.”

“You're shady as hell and I learned my lesson the hard way trusting you, but I'm not here for you, Nassana.”

“You expect me to believe that you happened by right when I was doing some house-cleaning? Right when another assassin supposedly shows up?”

“What can I say? You rub people the wrong way. Probably because of your penchant for killing off anyone you think is in your way.”

“Coincidentally, that is exactly how I feel about you.”

One of her mercs came to her side, eyes shifting from Lex to the far side of the room. “I heard something. Did he bring anyone else?”

Nassana jerked back, listening for any noise. She turned to her crew and with a nod of her head they were moving to secure the windows and doors. Lex didn't get a chance to ask Nassana about Krios. He didn't have to. As soon as her security turned their backs, a dark figure dropped silent to the floor from where it hid in the ceiling vent. Lex didn't even think to warn her or the others. This was, after all, a chance to see his potential new teammate at work.

He wasn't disappointed

One merc died before he hit the floor, another choked on her own blood and the other was shot before Nassana realized what was happening. Graceful. Efficient. Deadly. Lex approached the drell quietly with weapon harnessed as Thane Krios gave Nassana respect he wasn't sure she deserved even in death. He waited while Grunt and Kaidan stayed back, prepared to fight if the need arose.

“That was quite a first impression.”

Thane inclined his head in a small bow after he finished murmuring what sounded like a prayer over Nassana's body. “And you, as well. I would not have had such an easy time of it, or so short, if not for you. You have my thanks.”

“I'm only here because I was looking for you.”

“Oh? I do not take jobs any more. My hits are my own choosing, my own reasons.”

Lex considered that. A vigilante then? He remembered the prayer. The solemn and deliberate way he carried out his kills. No, this was something more. But it wasn't his place to ask. “That's fine. I'm not really looking for an assassination. More in need of as many skilled fighters and brilliant minds as I can get. As quick as I can.”

“And why would you need my certain set of skills?”

Lex took a breath, readying himself for the questions and disbelief that would follow his next words. “I've been tasked with assembling the best team I can, with the best intel and tech I can, to take down the Collectors. They are abducting human colonists and working with the Reapers.”

Thane didn't seem shocked, only considerate. “To fight the Collectors, you will need to travel beyond the Omega Relay. No one comes back from there, ever.”

“I aim to change that. That's one of the reasons I want the best for this mission. But still, I won't lie. There's a good chance some, or all of us, won't make it out of this alive.”

“That is acceptable. I shall join you.”

“You seem more willing knowing it's a suicide mission.”

“It is an honorable thing you ask of me. Something I would not regret facing death for. To help avenge or save the innocents taken is atonement. Also, I am dying anyway. Suicide missions matter little when you are living on borrowed time.”

“Dying? You seem at your physical peak. Are you sick?”

“I am not contagious, if that is what you fear.”

“I only meant that if it is something terminal, would you really want to spend your time on this mission?”

“As I said, this is an honorable cause. My remaining time will be spent on my terms.”

Lex held out his hand and the drell gripped his arm in a firm greeting. “Well, then I'm Commander Alexis Shepard. Welcome to my team.”

* * * * *

Miranda once more had the job of giving their newest member anything he needed to be comfortable on the ship. Fortunately, she didn't seem to mind. Though he knew once she had him in her office she would be more thorough than usual with his debriefing. Right now he couldn't care. It seemed like a good idea at the time, doing more than one mission during a cycle and running a few side errands, but now he was exhausted and sore. Maybe now he would be able to have an uninterrupted sleep. He could hope.

After taking off his armor and leaving his gear for repairs and cleaning, Lex shoveled down two helpings of the evening meal before making his rounds of the ship. Everyone seemed to be in their own heads, not much they were willing to share with him at the moment. Garrus was obviously hiding but he let him have his space for the moment.

He shot the shit with Zaeed, who made his way back on-board when he thought the coast was clear of Samara. After a few drinks and some more of Zaeed's war stories, Lex found himself beneath Engineering. For once, Kaidan didn't seem to be poring over Cerberus files. He had taken his armor off. Back to the t-shirt and jeans. He sat at his table, staring down at a half-eaten plate of food. Maybe it was Zaeed's special brew, but Lex didn't feel like pussy-footing around at the moment.

He sighed and sat on the edge of the table, completely inside Kaidan's personal bubble. “What happened today?”

“You were there.”

“I was. And I noticed something,” he didn't let Kaidan's exasperated, angry grunt deter him. “You were fine, same blood thirst as ever, until we found the civilians. Then it seemed to skyrocket.”

Kaidan leaned back in his chair, hands scrubbing at his eyes. “Can you just go the fuck away? Play therapist for someone else.” His hands lifted and he watched as Lex slid over, moving the plate out of the way.

Planting his boots on either side of Kaidan's legs had him trapped. “What was it about them, Kaidan? Not that I minded much, but I mean, you put an unarmed guy through a window.”

“I know what it's like to be expendable. Gun fodder. That shit just pisses me off.”

“Huh. Who would have thought?”

“Yeah, well, maybe you're annoying compassion is rubbing off on me. Contagious.”

Lex laughed, nudging his thigh with his foot. “You have a ways to go before that. What? Hey, I understand. You saw yourself in those people. If you hadn't, you wouldn't have gave a damn.”

“Thanks. And fuck you, anyway.”

He laughed again and slid back, bringing his legs up to sit lotus-style. He smiled when Kaidan didn't make a move to retreat from him. “Did Cerberus do that? Make you expendable?”

“They made me a lot of things. I've lost count.”

“Oh?”

“Don't you have something else to?”

“Not really. Nothing I'd rather do instead.”

“ _Fucking, what_? Why the fuck do you care?”

“You told me you're working for Cerberus even though you've been running from them.”

“Yeah, so?”

“When we get done with this, I'm gonna make sure they don't get you again.”

“And that's your payment? Getting to know every detail?”

“I was hoping you'd just tell me. I won't make you.”

Kaidan snorted and shook his head but he still hadn't left. “What do you wanna know?”

“How'd you wind up in Purgatory?” That earned him genuine surprise in those dark eyes. He had a feeling he already knew but he went ahead and asked another question. “Did Cerberus do that? And, you know, you don't have to add a tragic love story to keep me entertained.”

Kaidan's smile was more of a grimace, humor falling away to such a stark nothingness that it made Lex's gut hurt. “They had to put me somewhere under control until they had _use_ for me.” He sighed and leaned forward to brace his elbows against the table and look up at him. “I've been running from Cerberus for six years. Around the time you were killed, I was captured when I went to the Citadel and they put me away. I spent a little over a year in prison before I had my little incident that sent me to Cryo. You know the rest.”

That was a vague account if he ever heard one. It wasn't enough. Lex needed more, needed to understand. “Must have been something important, to bring you to a place that has to be saturated with Cerberus agents.”

“It was. Something I've been looking for, for a long time. Would have been worth it too, if I had found it before they found me.”

Lex couldn't help reaching out and running his hand along Kaidan's forearm. Beneath the intricate tattoos he could feel scar tissue. He leaned forward to run his hand along his jaw, cupping his cheek before running a thumb across the red flower on his throat. Kaidan swallowed and closed his eyes, leaning the slightest bit into his touch.

“What did Cerberus do to you, Kaidan?”

Long lashes fluttered as he opened his eyes. He stood, staring down at him for a moment. Then he turned away toward the darkness of his cot.

“That's enough heart-to-heart for tonight. I'm tired.”

Lex didn't push further, nodding his farewell as he made his way to the stairs. It took him some time to find sleep in his own bed. Too many thoughts in his head. He should have been planning for the mission, deciding where to go next. Instead, he was distracted by thoughts of the biotic beneath Engineering. As he had been since he met the man. Every time he thought he had a part of Kaidan figured out, yet another puzzle would be revealed. He knew, for better or worse, he would figure the man out yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sips my strawberry ale* So, that's why it took so long to get this out. I had a lot I wanted to say in this chapter and couldn't figure out how to make it all work. Still not convinced this is good. I almost deleted the whole chapter when I got to the end and tried again. Hope it's not too awful and that anyone still reading enjoys this.
> 
> Also, just so you know, Kaidan's armor is canon!Kaidan's armor from Horizon. :D


	11. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, look! It's me! With a long chapter! Don't really want to put here what's in store. Loyalty missions. You'll see. Hope anyone reading enjoys!

**Chapter Ten**

“You did not have time for this. I told you, with the Omega Relay drawing closer, this is not the time to go out of the way for every little mission.” Miranda wasn't yelling. She wasn't the type to yell. However, the tone she was using was just as effective. It was also just as insubordinate. On anyone else it would have worked, got what she wanted. Lex was too tired, nerves too shot, to give a shit.

Lex leaned onto the table in the War Room, armor creaking as he did so. The room was quiet. No one wanted to witness the inevitable fight that was about to happen but they didn't have the nerve to scurry out either. Thane and Tali kept quiet. They happened to be with him on the so-called “little mission.” Jacob had been with Miranda, talking over latest relay findings, when Lex wandered in. Of course, EDI and Joker would have sent word to them and they knew what Lex stumbled onto mere hours ago on Aequitas. This was the wrong time to try and order him around or chastise him.

“And I believe I told you, Doctor Lawson, that the Omega Relay will wait. _I_ say when we're ready. _I_ say what missions we go on, and decide the importance of them.”

Miranda didn't back down. “We are wasting time.”

Lex laughed, baring his teeth at her challenge. “Funny how that works, _after_ I helped you with your own 'little mission.'”

That took the fight out of his XO. She was still angry, of course, but what grounds did she have to accuse him of lacking dedication and focus when she just had him running around Illium for her damned sister not even a week before? Now that her head was clear she expected nothing less from everyone else and, sadly, it didn't work like that. It never did. They all had their demons. They all had their personal shit to deal with before they were sling-shot to possible, most likely, instant death. Tali came forward, transferring files from her omni-tool onto the screen of the table Lex was grinding his gauntlets into. A subtle brush of her shoulder against his had his agitation fizzling out and he took a step back.

“As urgent as our endgame is, it is best if we do not rush this. The Normandy is still the most beautiful and impressive ship I have ever had the honor of working on, Doctor Lawson, but she needs more power if we even want to think about surviving just the Omega Relay, never mind what might come after. And then, there is the problem of us making it _back_ through the relay.” A spreadsheet popped up onto the table's screen. “The upgrades you have done will help, but there is still a number of things that could be done. I have compiled a list of everything upgraded thus far, possible weaknesses still unaddressed and what can be done.”

Eager to help calm the tension, Jacob leaned in to look over the document. He nodded, already downloading the file to his omni-tool and signaling Tali to join him. “We can look this over now. I may have some ideas about a few of these.”

On his way by, he gave Lex a friendly knock to his shoulder. Lex nodded to him, glad that Jacob for once didn't take Miranda's side automatically. He better not. Not after the magic Lex worked to get Jacob all squared away with his father. And how did that even work? Small fucking galaxy! Lex sighed and rubbed the back of his neck to ease some of the tension settling in. He needed to focus, or else he was bound to attack someone on his ship.

“You're right.”

That surprised him out of his murderous musings and he looked once more to Miranda. She came around the table, leaning against it as she stopped within a friendly distance of him and tucked her hands behind her back. He tried to smile for her obvious attempt at amicability.

“I should just trust you by now, shouldn't I? I do. It's just this whole mission is...” Miranda waved her hand between them, unable to find the words.

“I understand.” And because she was technically his doctor he added, “I can feel it coming closer. Looming over us.”

“Yes.”

“Either way, whether everything is coming together or unraveling, it'll be over soon.”

Thane came to them, settling next to Miranda. “Our mission was not a waste of time. We found out some interesting things, as I'm sure EDI has informed you.”

“Yes. Dragon's Teeth.” Miranda sighed, rubbing at her temple as she thought of the implications of such a discovery. “Any miners survive?”

“None that we found. I'll have EDI search the nearest planets' databases on any incoming emergency evacuees they may have welcomed,” Lex said.

Thane nodded and said, “It is a possibility a few made it out. From the logs we found, and the initial warning when we first landed, it seems someone survived long enough to at least close the mine down.” He placed a gentle hand on Miranda's arm and Lex noticed she didn't flinch at the contact nor pull away. “It was not a waste, Miranda. If Shepard had not investigated the mine, someone less experienced may have stumbled onto the Dragon's Teeth and met the same fate as those miners.”

Lex left the two alone as they talked more of the mission and other things. This wasn't the first time his XO kept the company of their drell teammate. He noticed sometimes when he made his rounds of the ship that Miranda would be in the Life Support room where Thane took up residence. Sometimes he would join them, other times he would leave them be. Miranda only talked to Jacob out of missions. And Lex, but that was connected to her job as well. It was nice to see her opening up to someone, even if it wasn't with him.

Lex was about to head up to his quarters to get a start on his mission reports, perhaps grab a shower too, when Kelly smiled and waved him over. He couldn't help smiling in return. No rest for the wicked.

* * * * *

“Wow, Samara really thought about this mission. All the little details.” Tali came further in to the Star Observation Deck when she noticed Lex lounging on one of the sleek, cushioned benches. They were on their way to Omega and he figured he would take it easy before their arrival.

“How do you mean?” He didn't bother lifting his head from the back of the seat just yet, keeping his eyes closed.

“She even got you clothes that will attract someone like Morinth. Bad boy meets male prostitute. Very effective.”

Grunt and Kaidan, who were playing chess in the corner of the room, stopped what they were doing to take a look. Grunt nodded in agreement before focusing once more on the board with a frown. Lex woke the rest of the way at her comment and looked down at himself. Black leather pants and a vest to match. A sleeveless shirt beneath the vest kept his muscular arms exposed. It wasn't new. He wore this ensemble often. Something he'd throw on if he was tired of his jeans.

“Samara's got nothing to do with this. This is all me. I wear this all the time. In public.”

If he could see her face, he was sure Tali would be giving him a nervous smile as she took a step towards the doors. “Oh.” Another step back. “Well, you look very nice.” Kaidan's snicker followed her out.

Lex stood and stretched, coming over to their corner. He held his hands out, inviting them to stare. “It's not that bad, is it?”

“As she said, it's effective,” Grunt said and tipped one of Kaidan's pawns down before snatching it up.

“As long as it doesn't have a damned Cerberus logo on it, any time you wearing tight leather is fine by me, Alexis.” Kaidan swept his eyes up and down his figure once more before taking a swig of whatever that purple glowing stuff was they had in the bar. Lex grabbed the other bottle to drink, nodding his head in complete agreement. Those things were everywhere, even on some of his boxers.

_“Commander, ETA will be in one hour.”_

“Thanks, Joker. Let Samara know I'll be waiting to dock.”

Kaidan ceded the game to Grunt and Lex found him falling into step beside him as he made his way to the elevator. Things hadn't been as tense between them since last they talked. Unfortunately, there hadn't been much time since then to continue their conversation. In a rare moment of being social, it seemed Kaidan was in the mood for his company.

“Morinth sounds like a piece of work,” Kaidan said and leaned against the opposite wall from him as they went down a floor.

“Understatement.” Lex yawned, working his neck and shoulders to alleviate the growing stiffness from them. “Sounds like something from nightmares.”

“And it's just gonna be you and Samara.”

“She seems confident enough that we can do it alone. I'm supposed to draw her out if it comes to it. Too risky otherwise. Morinth will run if she gets any hint that Samara's found her.”

Kaidan shook his head. “Must be one hell of a fuck, to draw so many in regardless of how wrong the vibes have to be when around her.”

Lex shrugged. “Apparently, she's built to entice. Plus, she has that whole asari-mind-hypnosis thing going on. All she has to do is attract you long enough to get inside your head. Then it's over.”

The rest of the ride was quiet. Lex thought over the coming mission. Morinth would be the most dangerous enemy he faced thus far, aside from the Reapers. He didn't have much attraction to women, but the asari weren't really women. They were compatible with every species, every gender. And this one specialized in attracting lovers, victims. For their very survival. He smiled and shook his head.

“What?” Kaidan looked at him like he was losing his mind. Perhaps he was.

“Nothing. Just thinking of the mission. Of the situations I find myself in on a regular basis. You know, I think I understand Morinth's victims.” There was that look again and it made him laugh. “I understand wanting someone dangerous, being drawn to someone that will eventually kill me.”

Heat bloomed in those dark eyes. Kaidan slid his hands into his pockets to hide the way his fingers began a restless strum against his thighs. Lex noticed. Of course he did. He noticed everything when it came to Kaidan. The elevator slowed to a halt and Lex nodded his farewell before stepping out. It was time to join Samara and get this over with.

* * * * *

Turian blood wasn't black. The first time he really got a good look at it, he found it was blue. So blue it was almost black. Rich cobalt. Deep midnight. The last time he had the horrible privilege of seeing the actual color up close was when the stuff dried sticky all over his armor, his bare hands, as he helped rush Garrus to the Normandy after that fateful day on Omega. It seemed to take hours, and lots of soap, to get the stuff off.

And now he was scrubbing again. It wasn't as much this time. Thank whatever was out there for small mercies. However, it was going to be a pain to get what little splattered onto his jacket off. Lex didn't bother with that at the moment. Right now he concentrated on making sure the last drops that spattered his face were gone and the little that got on his hands. He watched the faint blue swirl down the drain, almost not noticing when the door to his quarters opened.

When he came out of the bathroom he wasn't surprised to see Garrus. Lex nodded to him on his way around him as he went to the minibar to grab them something stronger than beer. He slumped onto the couch next to where Garrus was perched on the edge of his own seat. Lex considered him as he took a sip, enjoying the burn of alcohol sliding down his throat. Garrus played with the glass in his grip before giving up any pretense of interest and set it on the table.

“Before I asked you to help me, on the way there, on the Citadel, right up to the point you stepped out of my line of fire—I was sure you would have tried to talk me out of killing Sidonis.”

“Why would I do that?”

“You've done it before. With Dr. Saleon.”

“That was different.” Garrus hummed and Lex knew he wasn't satisfied with that answer so he threw back the rest of his drink and got comfortable. “I want to say it's because you were a cop back then. That you would have regretted taking vengeance instead of bringing him to justice.”

“The truth?”

“It's easy to take the high road when you have a sure thing, Garrus.” The turian slowly turned to him, blue eyes boring into him and he smiled, sharp and cold for a moment. Garrus didn't even blink at the look. That reptilian logic again. It wasn't just their penchant for style and flash that they got along so well. “You know what my specialization is.”

“I do. You're an Infiltrator.”

“I'm a glorified spy, Garrus. I read people. In any given situation, I immediately try and think three steps ahead. I manipulate when I can to achieve the goals that I want. The moment I met you I wanted you for my team. I needed someone like you, for your insight and skills. And, yeah, your belief in justice and the system is fucking adorable.” He laughed when Garrus growled and pushed at him, but he wasn't angry. “Any other time I would have let you kill Saleon on-sight. But I knew he wouldn't go down easy. I knew, if we tried to bring him in he would fight it. So, I played the morality card. In the end, I didn't have guilt eating away at my teammate for his slip of revenge _and_ we got to kill Saleon. It worked out perfectly. Without any dilemma of conscience for you.”

“And you don't think I'll have one now?”

“Are you having one?” When he didn't get a reply, he said, “This is different. Not because it affected you. Not because it was personal. Not even because you're not a cop anymore. I wanted to hear what Sidonis had to say, that was the only reason I blocked your shot. Even hearing how sorry he was, it doesn't much change anything, does it? Sure, he could have done something to right the wrongs. Maybe even take up the Archangel persona and become the next superhero on Omega, we'll never know. It doesn't change the fact that a lot of people died because of him. He betrayed you. It wasn't even an accident or casualties from war. Say he turned himself in. Okay. To where? There are no cops on Omega, not really. If he came to the Citadel to confess, then what? Do we really believe the Citadel gives a shit about what happens on Omega? There was a fucking _plague_ wiping out buildings' worth of people and I didn't see hardly any involvement from them. You did what you thought was right and I have your back.”

Garrus sighed, finally taking up his drink to finish in one go. He poured himself another and finished it before he spoke. “Would you have done it?”

“Hell yeah. If it was my team? If it was you?” Lex smiled and reached out to give the back of Garrus' neck a comforting squeeze before sliding fingers through his spiky fringe. It poked the flesh of his palm and his smile grew as a fluted little hum escaped his friend. “I would have hunted Sidonis down to the edges of space. And he wouldn't have got such a painless or clean death.”

Garrus snorted. “Where I come from, that's as good as a marriage proposal.”

They laughed and poured themselves another drink.

* * * * *

Zaeed was pissed off. At him. Whatever, the feeling was fucking mutual at the moment. Lex and Zaeed stormed off in opposite directions as soon as they were back on the ship, leaving Miranda behind to log their equipment and document any damages while on their outing. He'd thank her later, make it up to her. Also, once they cooled down, he'd track Zaeed down. Things didn't go the mercenary's way, feeling he was cheated out of long sought after revenge, but he'd come around. Now his head was in the game and Lex looked forward to Zaeed taking his anger out fully on the Collectors.

No one stopped him on the way to his quarters. Miranda probably called ahead to warn Kelly, and anyone else looking for him, to not bother unless it was an emergency. And when was it not a fucking emergency lately? Lex stripped his armor off, having just enough mind to not do any further damage to the N7 plating by throwing it with as much force as he could across the room. He tossed the under armor somewhere near the general vicinity of his locker before shoving into a pair of jeans that were still on his bed. He didn't bother with a shirt just yet, relishing the feeling of the cool air against his heated skin. Out of the corner of his eye he could see an orange glow spider-webbing across his exposed flesh in the reflection of the fish tank and he did everything he could not to look, to not think about the scars and why they were there.

Just as he finally got a grip on his anger, his cybernetics running less hot, his console began beeping as someone called. He stomped over to his desk and hit the button to receive the call.

“What?”

_“Alexis.”_

Lex slumped onto his chair. Against his better judgment, he took the call. He should have hung up. Chewed out Kaidan for even attempting to get his attention when everyone else knew not to. But that voice. Calling his name over the line. Addressing him like no one else did. It made his blood heat all over again.

“I'm here.”

_“I need to talk to you.”_

A shower to calm his nerves and a change of clean clothes before he set out. He followed the familiar path down to Engineering. The thrum of the engines was soothing, the darkness cool. Kaidan waited for him down below and stood when Lex came into the little alcove. They hadn't really talked since that time after recruiting Thane, when Kaidan finally opened up to him without their usual violent flirting.

Lex watched as Kaidan paced the small area, taking in the other man's agitation. “What's this about, Kaidan?”

“You wanted to know about before, about me and Cerberus.”

“And?”

Kaidan glanced at him, hands fidgeting before he balled them into fists. “I'm ready to tell you.”

Lex hooked one of the chairs at the table with his boot to bring it closer to straddle. He gave Kaidan his complete attention. Kaidan loosened one fist and stared at his arm for a moment, eyes following along the tattoos that covered his skin.

“I didn't start showing signs of biotic abilities until I was a teen. Usually, it's sooner. If you're not born deformed or die right after birth, you develop your powers as a child. It's dangerous the longer you go untrained, so they say. I told you once that I think Cerberus got a hold of me when I was on my way to training, most likely BAaT.”

“But you can't remember.”

“No.”

“How old were you?”

“Fifteen. They had me for ten years.”

“You can't remember where you're from? If your parents are alive?”

Kaidan's smile was more of a grimace and it was a twisted, awful thing on such a handsome face. “There were a few of us at that place. When I first got there. The L2? That was just the beginning. From the start, they had to keep us drugged.”

“Sedated?”

“I was given everything. At first it was to keep us from fighting them.” Lex swallowed as he came to stand before him and Kaidan watched him, head cocking to the side and smiled as he liked the horrible realization dawning in his eyes. “But then, with the stuff they pumped me full of on a daily basis,” he sighed, “I didn't want to leave.

“Which was just as well since, after that first year, I was the last one left from my group. The stuff that came out of BAaT? Not as bad as even a fraction of what Cerberus did. I would hold barriers till my head felt like it was exploding. I sustained a Lift and Stasis till my eyes bled. And when I slipped or failed, and I always did eventually, I would start all over again. And then they gave me the L2 and everything changed. I was better, stronger, faster. Cerberus pushed and they got results. So they pushed more, that much further into where other organizations wouldn't dare.”

Kaidan raised his arm, running his other hand along the scars beneath the ink. “I couldn't tell you how many surgeries I've had. All to make me that much more powerful. I can give some asari a run for their money. I would know. Cerberus used to shove me in a room with one and I couldn't leave until one of us was dead.”

“Why?” Lex didn't mean to make a sound, let alone ask, but that question burned through his mind. Why? What could Cerberus possibly gain by going to these extremes? On a child?

Kaidan looked to him, surprise coloring his features. “To make the ultimate weapon, of course. Have you ever studied humans from an outsider's perspective, Alexis? Really studied us, as if we were aliens? We're a fucking terrifying species. Our endurance. Our stamina. Our biology. It takes us a while to starve. We break, we mend in weeks. We're capable of critical thinking. If we gain even an inch in new territory, we can breed quickly and populate regions within years. If we simply outlast the other species, we can win wars.”

Lex had enough and interrupted. “We're also compassionate. It is in us to protect and die for others. We are capable of more than atrocity. We create. We can love.”

“And what is learned and what is inherent? Strip what has been ingrained in us by society, by our system of laws and man-made morality, and what is there? That's what Cerberus wanted to find out. That's why they made me and the rest that survived.”

“You don't quite believe that though, or you wouldn't be here right now.”

“I did for a few years. They remade me in their image.” Kaidan lifted his arms out to his sides, shirt stretching across his muscular form, as he displayed their work. “I was their perfection. Powerful biotics. Powerful body. A mind wiped clean to program as they saw fit. And I followed every fucking order they gave me.

“After my initial training, I was passed around to what they refer to as 'Masters.' These people are the big dogs, the head players, of a few of the Cerberus cells. The organization is so fucking huge that no one knows what the other cells are doing all the time. They can't. I doubt even the Illusive Man knows what all goes down in this group. To start out, my Masters usually kept me around to experiment on and perfect my augmentations. I was their attack dog. By the time I was eighteen, I was a top commodity in certain circles. I was assassin and meat shield. Guinea pig. Bed slave. Whatever they wanted, I was eager to please.”

“Kaidan.”

“I was their best because I never fought, not once. Maybe when I first got there I did. I can't remember. Cerberus had me so finely programmed, willing to do anything for a taste of red sand, that I never displayed anything but complete obedience.”

“But you did disobey, in the end.”

Kaidan nodded, lost in thought as he relived those events. “I was twenty-five when my last Master gave me a mission. I was to intercept the target before they left Earth for the Citadel. The target found me instead. Turned out my target, Mia Cruz, was an Alliance operative. Her specialty was intergalactic affairs that Earth technically couldn't deal with 'cause of all the red tape and other bullshit. Her job for the past few years was a branch of the organization specifically created to hunt down Cerberus. Cruz and her team were tasked with liberating Cerberus' experiments.”

“The children they stole,” Lex said.

“Apparently, we weren't the only kids they took. They kept doing it, even after me. Probably still do.”

“And this Cruz was able to talk you out of killing her?”

“Not at first. We beat the shit out of each other, destroying a block or two before she finally took me down. I had to be restrained. None of what she said was making any fucking sense and I didn't want it to. I was starting to crave my usual dose of sand by then. But she kept trying to get through to me and finally some of what she was saying filtered through. Cerberus has people in the Alliance. That's how they can find potential children so fast. The Alliance flags us and Cerberus can easily find us. They also wipe existing records. We become ghosts.”

“She had information on you.”

Kaidan nodded. “Not a lot. In fact, looking back, it was barely anything. Cruz had been following my current Master for months. As a sign of trust she let me read the scraps of files she had managed to piece together. It was a list of names or details. One name jumped out at me from the list of the Earth-born that had been abducted. Kaidan.”

“No last name?”

“No last name. No location. No picture. Just a name, on a list of the dead after a shuttle crash that would have went to Gagarin Station. And the only reason she knew that was because she found notes on it in a hard-copy file. They tried to bury it all. Erase us.”

“That was all she could give you?”

“Yeah. It wasn't enough. I had killed more people before her that would have been obviously beneficial to me. I think I went with her 'cause I was ready to die, either by her or Cerberus when they found out I ran.”

“Did being with her help you remember?”

“A little. Bits and pieces. Shit that didn't make sense or matter. Those months with Cruz are mostly another blank spot in my memory—I was detoxing.”

“Months?”

“It didn't take Cerberus long to hunt me down. Cruz and most of her team were killed. I barely escaped. For the next few years I hid from them while hunting down all of my previous Masters. If anyone knew about where I came from, who I really was, it'd be those assholes.”

“And that would be where the serial homicide charge comes in.”

Kaidan shrugged, not an ounce of regret in those shining eyes. “I had a lot of Masters, Alexis. It didn't do any good, besides making me feel better. They were completely useless. Except one. The last man I went after was Doctor Kazakevich. A reliable source told me he would be on the Citadel. I only had a small window of time, so I went.”

“Trap?”

Kaidan nodded. “I knew there was a good chance. Hell, my source warned me not to go.”

“You couldn't risk letting him go after all this.”

“I would do anything to find out what happened, who I am. Kazakevich oversaw everything when they first took me. He was in charge of my implants and modifications. He made me.”

Lex took a step closer. “You went to the Citadel. It must not have ended well because here we are today.”

“Here we are. On a Cerberus ship.”

“Not that I didn't enjoy the story, but why the sudden urge to tell me all this?”

“You're the type that doesn't like going into something half-cocked. Need all the little fucking details. Believe me, I wouldn't have bothered but you always seem to get the best results when you know every aspect of the situation.” Kaidan's eyes roamed over him for a moment before he turned towards his desk. He accessed files on a data pad and tossed it to Lex.

It was coordinates for a station hanging out in Widow. Blue prints. Security codes. Number of staff. Kaidan approached him once more, close enough to feel the heat the biotic gave off. When Lex looked up he didn't step back, not giving anything away as Kaidan's breath ghosted across his lips. There came that small smile.

“I found him again and I need you.”

* * * * *

Mnemos Station wasn't at all what Lex expected. From his previous run-ins with Cerberus facilities and what he now knew of Kaidan, he prepared himself for the worst. Dark corridors. Bloody operating tables. Screams drifting up from lower levels. Atrocities in the name of science.

Not this.

This was the facility of someone who did not fear retribution.

Why should they? Kazakevich's number one enemy and cause for concern was taken care of. Kaidan was drugged out of his mind in Purgatory. And if he ever got out of there he'd disappear once more into the folds of any number of Cerberus cells. The doctor could continue his research in peace. And luxury. For the most part, the plush offices and suites were empty. Operating rooms full of some of the most advanced tech in the galaxy and spotless were empty and waiting.

Whatever guards they came upon Garrus took care of with silent accuracy. They had yet to trip any alarms and Lex waited, cryo rounds ready and cloak fully charged, for the eventual swarm of hostiles. He wasn't used to such quiet on missions. Where were the soldiers? The commandos? The annoying drones? Relative calm since they docked and Lex realized how much time Kaidan spent planning this.

All those nights alone, reading every file he could get on Cerberus. Every lead. Every detail that would bring him to the man he now hunted within his own station. The information he gave himself up once again to Cerberus for. This was Kaidan's show and Lex could do nothing but follow. They all moved as one fluid unit, hardly having to verbally communicate. His turian and his biotic. The best at what they did and near-unstoppable when together. Lex's adrenaline burbled giddily through his veins at the sight of them dispatching a few more guards.

They didn't make a sweep of every room they came across. Kaidan checked his omni-tool now and again as he turned down certain halls and stairwells. Finally, he came to a creeping halt at the end of a corridor. Lex went to his side, peeking around him. One guard. Heavy armor. Expensive. Not nearly as expensive as the Firestorm on their hip. With just a look from Kaidan, Lex nodded and activated his cloak. In seconds, Garrus and Kaidan joined him to stand over the guard that bled out at their feet. Neither Garrus or Lex said a word as Kaidan visibly readied himself before overriding the lock on the door and stepped through.

Soft instrumental music played. The lone figure in the room looked up from a table of implants and cybernetic parts they were working on. An older man. He showed signs of age but his hair was still black, blue eyes still clear and focused. Those eyes did not seem startled. For a moment they looked to the big turian filling up the doorway, then to Lex. Recognition warmed those eyes and Doctor Kazakevich smiled at Kaidan. He nodded to him before focusing once more on his work.

“Armor does not suit you,” he said and his tone was that of a gently chastising grandfather. “Have you forgot your very first lesson?”

“My biotics are my shield. My body is my armor. The pain I feel is proof of my failure to properly wield either.” Kaidan's voice was soft, distant.

Kazakevich brought his gaze back to Kaidan and within it was such malice and poison, his smile cruel, that Kaidan twitched. “Your new Master has made a weak lamb of you, little Shackle.”

A blast of pure energy and Kazakevich was slammed down onto his work table. Kaidan was on him instantly, giving his head a few good slams into the metal surface before he leaned down to his ear. “You know why I'm here. Give it to me.”

Kazakevich whined in pain as Kaidan tightened his grip on the back of his neck, eyes flaring blue. He coughed out a laugh. “Why would I still have it? It has been so long ago.”

Kaidan spun him around, grabbing his throat. “You have it. As a trophy. Something to remember.” Kaidan's hand trembled and he snarled, crushing the doctor's throat with a little more energy.

He laughed, wheezing and smiling as blood gathered at the corner of his mouth. “You know me so well. Perhaps I do have it. To remember my favorite. My first.” His hand drifted up Kaidan's arm to cup his cheek. “You were my most brilliant achievement, little Shackle.”

Lex had enough. He came to them and grabbed Kazakevich's arm, pulling it to the side until the old man screamed and he heard tendons snap. He set about hacking the doctor's omni-tool, delving deep until he hit strands of code and buried files. Garrus left his position to access the interface on Kazakevich's desk. None too gently, Lex released his dislocated arm to join Garrus.

All in all, it didn't take long to find something. Lex scanned Kazakevich's database for the words “Gagarin Station,” “L2 implant” and “Kaidan.” Finally, an alert pinged from the scan and Lex's heart raced with elation as he skimmed the short file. Just as quickly, dread overcame any joy he might have felt.

“Shit,” Garrus muttered and began typing on the console.

“Kaidan, get over here.”

Doctor Kazakevich collapsed at his feet as he came to them. “What's the problem?”

“You might want to read fast,” Garrus said, still typing various commands. “I'm copying everything I can, but this asshole had a wipe of the network in place if certain conditions were triggered.”

“I'm guessing if anyone tried to access your files.” Lex moved over so Kaidan could read what they found.

“Here!” Kaidan pulled the monitor closer, manic urgency in his eyes as he looked at the screen. Lex pressed in, reading the file as the system continued to crash.

_8/7/2167_

_A perfect candidate for L2 implant and other modifications has been brought in. It would be better to find someone younger for the behavioral conditioning, but biotic scores are too high to not put through the program. With sufficient operations and exercises, candidate will exceed Cerberus' expectations. I have only been able to do a few tests thus far, but he is as close to perfection as we have found. He will be our Subject Zero._

_Attachment:_

_Candidate #374_

_DOB: 15/11/2151_

_Citizen of: Canada_

_Athletic. Male. No past illnesses or diseases._

_Military family - **FLAGGED**_

_Name: Alenko, Kaidan_

_Notes: Tested positive for biotic abilities. Is set to start training on Gagarin. If we are to intercept for Cerberus, we must act now._

The screen flickered and died. Kaidan didn't say a word, didn't look at Lex or Garrus. He only made his way toward the door, putting a bullet in Kazakevich's brain as he passed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bits and pieces. I didn't want to do all the in-game scenes for certain loyalty missions. Thought it'd be interesting to focus on the events surrounding them. So, here we had insight into Lex's way of thinking, a tweaked version of Garrus after his loyalty mission. And, of course, here it was, finally, Bad!Kaidan's loyalty mission. By the way, Kazakevich calls Kaidan "little shackle" because kaidan translates into that in Ukrainian. That's just a fun little fact. Hope you guys enjoyed it. :)


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One last loyalty mission. ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I didn't abandon this story. I just noticed the interest died down a bit so my priority to write on it is not too high. This also took forever to get right because of the subject of this chapter. You'll see. Also, it's a long one. Nearly 9k words. I quite like how this turned out. I completely deviated from canon in this chapter, but it makes sense within the overall story.
> 
> Hope anyone who is still reading enjoys!

**Chapter Eleven**

It was another night cycle that he wasn't sleeping through. Lex had taken to bringing some of his work down to the Mess Hall when it was empty. It was nice and quiet and the coffee was always just a few feet away. The last week or so wasn't so silent. He wasn't the only one finding it hard to sleep. Lex kept to the tables in the shadows and didn't bother those passing the cycle away from their bunks. Doing this also gave him opportunities to listen to scuttlebutt he may have missed otherwise. This was just such a time when he heard two familiar voices drifting along the corridor by the Med-Bay.

“...Caught him in the side. Had to dig an inch of shrapnel out and patch him up the old-fashioned way.” Kaidan was in a talking mood.

Lex wasn't surprised to hear the fluted tone of Garrus echo around the corner. “Just the two of you?”

“Yeah. The job only needed two and we were good at getting things done fast and quiet.”

Garrus hummed in thought. “I'm surprised he let you.”

“You mean the whole waist thing?”

“It's a vulnerable spot for turians, is all.”

“I knew what I was doing, where to touch and where not to. Luckily it was a side wound, nowhere near his spine. That might have taken some extra convincing.”

“He must have trusted you a great deal.” When Kaidan didn't say anything to that, Garrus piped up once more. Lex smiled. Once his curiosity was piqued there was no stopping him. “You know a lot about turians. Comfortable with us. Not many humans are.”

“I'm not like most humans.”

“No, you're not, are you.” Garrus seemed to be considering something and what he asked next made Lex's skin prickle with a rush of heat. “You and this turian were lovers, weren't you?”

“Yeah.” Kaidan didn't even hesitate, didn't beat around the bush. He never did with Garrus. “A few years ago, after the clusterfuck that happened with Cruz, I found a group that were countering Cerberus' xenophobic agenda. I needed strength in numbers and they would be stupid to turn away someone with the intel I had.”

“Non-human?”

“Of course.” They both laughed at that. “Oficas started out as my glorified chaperone. The group didn't trust me at first. Which is understandable. Before I cut ties with Cerberus, I was actually on their fucking hit list.”

“All those years killing aliens, I'm sure certain parties took notice of Cerberus' biotic assassin.”

“Exactly. And he was one of their best, so he had the job of taking me on every mission they gave him. Following me when I had free time. If I slipped up, he'd be the one to kill me. Now that I think about it, it didn't take us long before we went from barely trusting each other to fucking.”

“Kill you or bed you. Yeah, sounds like a turian relationship.” Their laughter faded and Garrus sounded somber, hesitant. “Did he die?”

“Fic? No. He was alive when I left. Last I heard, he was getting married or some shit.”

“Is that why you left?”

“No.” Kaidan snorted, laughing as if he found the idea hilarious. “I left because it was time. They couldn't help me anymore and the leaders weren't willing to look into things I needed to find out. No. Fic getting married, having a turian to breed with, I never gave a shit about that. And it didn't concern Fic all that much either. He considered me his _spirit bond_.”

“Spirit bond?” Confusion tinged Garrus' voice.

“You know. That thing turians do. Parent, sibling, friend, teacher and lover—all those bonds wrapped in one, and it doesn't have to be a blood tie. Whatever the fuck you are to a turian who deems you so—that shit is deep. Deeper than something flimsy like marriage.”

“Oh, I see.” Whatever Garrus said next came out as a series of clicks and hums. The translator couldn't define it because there wasn't a definition for it. Not in any human language, anyway. They were quiet for a moment. Lex thought they may have wandered down the hall. Garrus piped up again. “Do you prefer aliens over humans as friends and lovers because of Cerberus?”

“Partly. I'm about ten years away from being anything other than fucked up. I'm not even going to deny it. Most days, there's barely anything in me keeping me from just getting it over with and killing every fucking human on this damn ship.” Kaidan never talked this way with him. Garrus was the only one he easily confided in and something in Lex ached as he listened to Kaidan acknowledge his trauma. “But, if there was anything I learned being off Cerberus' leash, it was that it doesn't matter the species. Anyone can be capable of horrible things. That's the one fucking universal truth.”

“We're all monsters?” Garrus sounded amused.

“Everyone is someone else's bogeyman.”

* * * * *

There weren't any screams, any flailing. When Lex woke from nightmares his eyes merely snapped opened. His breathing would be faster. No panting. No harsh, smothered cries. He was, however, soaked in sweat and his face itched like crazy—an all too familiar indication that his scars were glowing. Lex ran a shaking hand down his face. It was fortunate he couldn't remember what he dreamed. The echoes of waves and the fleeting tone of a mechanical voice gave him some hints that he refused to think on.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed, gathering his nerves for another cycle. When he glanced at the clock he laughed. He'd only been asleep for four hours. Well, his day cycle would just start earlier than everyone else's. He grabbed the glass of glowing liquor on his bedside table, he always left a drink for when he woke from whatever horrors tore him from sleep. As he threw the burning liquid back, he finally noticed the soft pinging alert from his console and the flashing light coming from his desk. Perhaps it wasn't just his dreams that woke him this time.

Lex didn't bother with anything other than slipping on a pair of jeans and a rumpled, unwashed hooded sweatshirt. With his drink topped off, he slumped into his chair to see what all was asked of him for the day. A few messages from Cerberus. Scraps Hackett and Anderson were allowed to throw him. And then there was another message, between invoices and a few N7 leads. The name made his jaw twitch once before he controlled his reaction. No subject. He clicked on the message and with every line read the acid in his stomach bubbled and threatened to burn a hole through him.

_Dear Commander Shepard,_

_A part of me doesn't think anything will come of this. How could it? No one ever just comes back from being dead. I still don't know if this is all some PR stunt or something worse. But a reliable source passed your address on and I can't afford to not take the risk._

_I know you're a busy man. You're all over the news—tabloid or otherwise. The rumors are terrifying and if you really are preparing for some invasion then this will seem so insignificant in comparison but I have nowhere else to turn._

_Idir is gone. Taken by a group of terrorists. Only recently was I made aware of some of the cases he was working on. I will attach a few files but I will wait until we meet to give you the rest. This information is classified. The people who took Idir would kill for it and I'm sure the Alliance would put me away and never let me out if they even thought I had access to this._

_These people aren't flaunting any kind of logo. They don't want money. They don't want Idir's sway in the courts. They want the things he found out. They want documents or information I have yet to find. He's been gone almost a week. They'll kill him. They'll kill him because what I can get and do is not enough and the Alliance are not making any more progress._

_Idir once told me ages ago, back in school when we were just dating, that you were a pillar for him. Even then, he would get himself into trouble. He said if he ever ran into anything too deep, you'd be the one to ask for help. So, I'm asking. I'm begging. It may not be much, coming from someone who's practically a stranger, but you're the only hope I have left._

_I'll send you a place to meet when, or if, you decide to come to Earth. I hope to hear from you. I hope you're really who they say you are. I hope I'm not writing a ghost._

_Sincerely,  
Moira Renault_

Again. A second time. He reread the letter four times and he still couldn't quite accept what he was being told. Lex could guess where Moira got his contact information from. Anderson. He knew things most didn't. Like Idir was important to him. So important that, instead of his parents, Idir was listed as top priority to inform in case of Lex's death in action. Anderson had also been around once or twice to see Lex leave with him when he was granted even just a few hours of shore leave. Wherever he happened to be. If Lex knew in advance, even if it was a small, backwater docking port in a random system, the man he had introduced Anderson to as Idir Renault, old friend and academy roommate, would be there to see him off-ship. That wasn't a commitment friends gave one another. It was the kind of promise lovers kept. Anderson never batted an eyelash at their obvious arrangement, or at the ring glittering on Idir's finger. Never commented that the matching ring was obviously not to be found on Lex's.

Lex opened the few files Moira sent along with her plea. Immediately he noticed the dates of Idir's first notes. It was mere weeks after Lex was spaced. Of course. Whenever Idir was upset he closed off and threw himself into work or a personal project. Lex had to swallow a lump of ever growing anxiety building in his throat. Skimming the ordered, detailed words sent his heart racing and mouth watering as bile churned in his gut.

Lex made it a point to never bring his work home with him. Not when he was with Idir. The time they had, shortened more so by Idir's engagement and eventual marriage, was special. It was near sacred to Lex and he didn't want to spend any moment he had with him preoccupied with his missions. That last one, however, was different. Of course, he had heard rumors. The Alliance wanted a share of the action and what better way to get a foothold in inter-galactic politics than through the SPECTREs. Of course his name came up. One didn't have a career like Lex's without being noticed. Lex was excited, trying hard not to be obvious when Captain Anderson asked him once more for a special assignment. And Idir had been so proud of him. No one else knew how hard he had worked to get to where he was, the shit he had to crawl through to make it out on the other side.

Idir never pushed him. One look at Lex and he knew that whatever happened when he tried to stop Saren had fucked him up. Took him apart. Barely gave him what he needed to pull himself together once more. Lex told him everything. The Geth. The Protheans. That moment when a mechanical god basically told him It was the boot and he, and everyone else in the universe, was the ant. Saren's twisted corpse was barely cold and the Council, even the fucking Alliance, were already trying to sweep it under the rug. The last time they were together, Lex revealed every detail, every fear that threatened to choke him. Lex felt sick as he recalled their last moment. He was leaving for the Citadel. Idir was hopping into the shower to wash away another secret weekend between them. He had told him not to die and Lex had fucking _winked_ at him as he ran out the front door.

Now he was reading the effects of his death. Idir started looking into the Reapers because no one else seemed to care after Commander Shepard was killed in action. A few pages into the notes had Lex smiling. Idir was a man of logic. Sense and reason. All of his notes and sources had nothing to do with the mythology of the Reapers. The folklore that haunted species across galaxies. He took a logical standpoint. If there were creatures like these out there, they would need minions. Underlings to do what they couldn't that were more subtle than Geth. Money and resources would be shifting about. Things would need doing that would leave a trail.

Lex's pulse spiked as he read on. For being based on Earth, Idir was thorough and had acquired quite a bit of interesting bits and pieces. What Moira sent him was the first bundle of notes from the last year and a half. None of the new stuff. Lex wondered what else he may have found. However, the last file was dated just short of being a year ago. Mere months from the Lazarus Project finally coming to fruition.

_Supreme beings or not, one cannot get by in this world without credits and resources. With the Geth silent, who is doing the dirty work for the Reapers? There have been plenty of large shipments of fuel and materials to areas that are not part of the Alliance and under the Citadel's radar. Large flow of funds have been seen in concentrated areas. Antibaar, Chasca and Fortis to name a few._

Lex twitched at one of the names. Fortis. Aequitas was in that region. The mine full of Dragon's Teeth and things out of zombie movies. He also recognized some other names as places that were rumored to have large Prothean ruins. 

_Amassing supplies. Who is footing the bill and why?_

There was one last file. Lex clicked on it and felt his stomach drop with the weight of cold dread. It was a video file. He didn't recognize the architecture of the room. It was all white and gray metals. Strapped to an operating table and tilted so he was nearly standing, was Idir. He wasn't harmed. There were no marks. His clothes, one of his posh suits he always wore to work, was dirty and wrinkled. A woman walked into the camera view. 

_“Moira Renault. By now you should be missing this man very much. We can assure you, this is not one of his late nights at the office. This is not a joke and this is not a game. Idir Renault will not be harmed, unless you fail to give us exactly what we ask for. File WVFK-592. Idir Renault knows what this is, has it in his possession. Give it to us.”_

The woman went behind the camera and the lens shifted, drifting closer to Idir. Idir looked over the camera for a moment at his captor before closing his eyes and took a slow, calm breath. When he opened them again his gaze came to the camera and Lex felt like his chest was collapsing when he stared into those eyes. Ice blue. Electric blue. Could never say no to those blue eyes. 

_“Moira, everything they want is in the safe in my office. You know what the code is. Don't worry. Everything is going to be fine.”_

The video closed. Attached to it was a message from Moira stating what she found in Idir's office was turned down. They demanded something else and Idir would only insist that was what he had. They gave her the rest of the week to find what they wanted. In three more days, Idir would be dead. 

There was something off about the woman in the video. Lex couldn't place just what it was. On the third viewing he realized what bothered him. The way she carried herself. The soft, hesitant way she spoke. It all reminded him of the colonists that became enthralled to the Thorian on Feros. Something was pulling this woman's strings and a chill shook through Lex as he entertained the thought of another creature like the one he encountered on Feros existing somewhere else. Lex closed the console down after downloading everything to his omni-tool. 

“EDI." 

_“Yes, Commander?”_

“Are we still in need of maintenance?” 

_“Yes, Commander. We are capable enough for non-combat flight but I would not recommend going without repairs too much longer.”_

“Tell Joker to cancel our course to Trident and head for the Citadel.” They'd just have to swing by some other time for the platinum they were to claim from that planet. “That'll be all, EDI. Thank you.” 

Lex sighed, running a hand over his face. He took a moment to gather his nerves before he stood and made his way to his armor. 

* * * * *

It would be thirty minutes before they docked. Lex used the time to make a subtle trip to the armory. Jacob had been working on some new tech. Things that were specifically for when shit got real fun. It was time to test them. He was going to take his Carnifex and Viper, dressed up a bit with Jacob's add-ons. They were his favorite. His most reliable. He grabbed as many grenades as he could. Made sure his omni-tool was functioning properly. What he didn't do was suit up. His armor was packed and ready in a bag he carried. 

Miranda was in her quarters, drinking another cup of coffee as she went over more files. It seemed that a new pile would appear as soon as she was finished with the last. She never complained. Lex popped his head in and smiled at how focused she looked. With him away, there was no one better suited to keep the Normandy running.

“Everything alright, XO?”

Miranda didn't even glance up from her computer, only nodding in his general direction. “As much as it can be. I hear we are docking for a few hours on the Citadel.”

“We are. The ship needs general repairs. Should be there for the night cycle.”

Miranda glanced up, instantly noticing the bag in his hand, before focusing once more on her monitor. “Taking shore leave?”

Lex smiled and backed away towards the door. “Might as well. We have nothing scheduled other than ship maintenance. If you absolutely must, you know how to get a hold of me. However, I ask that, if the Citadel has some sort of crisis while I'm off, we let Citadel authorities take care of it this time.”

“Yes, Commander.” With a farewell salute, Lex was off once more. A tiny part of him felt bad for the half-truths he gave his Second. It would be better this way. What he had to do didn't concern anyone else.

Lex made his way through the Citadel, keeping his head down as much as possible. He arrived at the shuttle station without so much as a glance of recognition thrown his way, his face turned into the raised collar of his leather jacket and a pair of sunglasses hiding the eyes that were plastered all over the shops and alleys. In just a few hours, a shuttle would take him down to Earth to meet with Moira.

Lex stiffened as a large, familiar figure sat down beside him to wait for the next ride to Earth.

“I didn't understand it then, and I don't understand now, why anyone would choose to stay on that polluted planet let alone _return_ to it every spare moment they have off.” Garrus didn't waste any time.

Lex scoffed, shrugging as he nudged his bag with a nervous shake of his leg. Garrus noticed, of course. “Not really my choice for vacation spot but sometimes we don't get to decide where we go.”

“I hear that. So, you gonna tell me why you're trying to do whatever it is that's upset you all morning alone?”

“Just taking some downtime, Garrus.”

A hiss of laughter followed by some clicks that the translator couldn't define and Garrus leaned close, armor creaking with the movement. “You think I can't tell what you're carrying there? I can hear your armor shifting around. I can smell the oil that was used on your Carnifex.”

It was Lex's turn to laugh and he looked into Garrus' shining eyes. “I know you can. I was just hoping you'd ignore it. That's how we usually do things between us.”

“Not anymore.”

Lex had to look away at that. “I can't ask you to come with me, Garrus. This fight has nothing to do with you.”

“So, there will be fighting,” a new voice chimed in. Lex sighed as Kaidan sat down on the other side of him, jean-clad thigh pressing against his. Kaidan leaned back on the bench seat, crossing his arms against his chest. “Who's the target?”

“You don't owe me. Either of you.”

“Noted.” Garrus' mandibles twitched and Lex was certain the bastard was doing that non-laugh laugh that turians did.

“This has nothing to do with our mission. It's just something I need to deal with.”

Kaidan stood, bag of his own in hand, as a shuttle began its coast into the docking bay. He gestured to it with a slight tilt of his head. “Well, you have the shuttle ride to fill us in." 

* * * * *

Garrus and Kaidan had enough time to be briefed on the flight to Earth. They read the notes Idir compiled, watched the file his abductors sent Moira. Other than that, Lex didn't offer anything else. Moira sent him a message where to meet and by the time Lex and his team approached the spot, an indoor botanical garden in D.C., Lex and Kaidan were suited up. Having Garrus and Kaidan at his back gave him the strength he didn't realize he needed until he was standing before Moira with her delicate hand held lightly in his gauntlet. 

Moira Renault was a small woman. That was what he thought when he first met her when Idir brought her to their college apartment. It was what he noticed when he congratulated her at her wedding. It was what distracted him now. Slight. Fragile. A wisp of a thing. He could lift her with one hand and not feel a strain. Yet her presence was that of an asari matriarch. Moira came from an old family. Old history. Old politics. She made her parents proud and was the perfect match for a man like Idir.

The woman before him was not the same as when he last saw her. She held his hand tight, tears welling beneath her dark green eyes. Her smile was relieved, grateful, and Lex felt a sudden urge to scream.

“Shepard,” she gasped and swallowed a sob. “It really is you, isn't it?”

“The one and only.” He tried to smile and she laughed for his effort. “This is Garrus Vakarian and Kaidan Alenko—some of my best to help in any way.” Moira gave them a watery smile, shaking Garrus' hand and accepting she would only get a nod from Kaidan.

“You look great, for a dead man.” Her laughter and smile were gone and she squeezed Lex's hand once more. “Idir took your death very hard, Shepard.”

“Coma.” It was such a knee-jerk reaction anymore to correct people that he barely noticed the words were out before he could stop. “He had you, Moira. You were always the one thing that kept him going.”

“It's not the same. You two were always close. You were like a brother to him.” She signaled him and he followed stiffly behind. They all sat at a small table beneath a blossoming tree.

“So.” If Moira was surprised by the change in his tone, the steely edge to his voice, she didn't show it. “What could you not send me through a message?”

“Nothing.” Moira choked down another sob and hurried to wipe her tears away. “I have nothing else, Shepard. I don't know what they want and the Alliance aren't _doing_ anything to help. They won't help.”

Lex calmed her as best he could, taking her hand again. “Moira, we need to stay calm. You've done so well. You did the right thing by contacting me, but I need you to stay focused just a little bit longer and I swear, I'll get him. I'll get him back. But I need your help.”

“You're right. I'm sorry.” One shaky breath and then she bottled it all up again. She took her hand away to clench her fists beneath the table. “I wanted you to come to give you access to Idir's office, both at home and work. Maybe you and your team will find something I didn't. Or maybe you could see about getting Alliance clearance? Find out anything else that I can't?”

“I'm not technically Alliance at the moment, Moira. It's complicated.”

Moira looked like she might start crying again. She typed something into her omni-tool and Lex's sounded with a message alert. “I've sent you all the passcodes you'll need.” When she stood they did as well.

“And you really think I'll find something you didn't?”

“I know you will. You have to.”

“Did they get the file number wrong?”

“No. And I _did_ find the file. But when I sent it, they said it wasn't the right one.”

“Did you get to speak to Idir again?”

“Yes. I demanded proof of life, and to tell him it was the wrong file.”

“What did he say?”

“He just insisted that was the file and told me everything would be alright.” Her next words were cut off as a voice called to her. 

Lex kept from flinching, but he couldn't help taking a step back from the little form running down the flower-studded lane towards them. A tall, muscular woman followed behind. Lex could tell she had a gun beneath her jacket.

“Sorry, ma'am. I couldn't keep her away any longer.”

Moira smiled, quickly masking any sadness that lingered in her eyes, and picked the child up when she reached them. Lex could only stare at her. Small and chubby. Couldn't be too old. She glanced his way, spying the turian and dark-haired human at his back, before hiding her face in her mother's neck.

“It's fine, Jones. Thank you for looking after her for this long.”

“I didn't know...” Lex didn't mean to say anything, didn't want to, but the question came nonetheless. “When did you and Idir have a baby?” There was no mistaking who her parents were. Who her father was. Golden brown like the pair of them and glossy blue-black hair. She had Moira's bone structure—her sharp cheekbones she would grow in to and button nose. But the eyes. Those were Idir's crystal blue eyes.

Moira whispered to her child, something gentle and coaxing, and she looked once more to Lex. “This is Suki, Lex. Suki, this is Lex Shepard—your papa's best friend.” She looked to Lex and her smile trembled. “You don't know how much Idir regretted you never meeting.”

“When?” The question came out sharper than he intended and Lex swallowed down everything else he wanted to say. He wouldn't dare look too long at Suki, afraid of what he'd give away if he did.

Moira frowned, and for a moment Lex was sure she knew. “She'll be two in one more month.”

Lex came close to wrap one black curl around his armored finger. Big blue eyes looked up at him and he smiled before turning his back on them. “We'll get this sorted, Moira. I promise.”

If Moira said anything else he didn't hear it. Garrus and Kaidan followed him out. Thankfully not one of them had a goddamn thing to say. Garrus synced up with his omni-tool, downloading and sharing the information Moira gave him. Only when Lex made his way back to the docking bay and took out a rental on a long-distance shuttle did Garrus speak.

“Idir's office shouldn't be that far.”

“We're not going to his office. His house.”

“Are you going to try and appeal to the Alliance for assistance?” Garrus asked as he buckled into the shuttle.

“No.” Lex glanced to his team before entering the course they'd take. “Idir didn't put the file in his office. He kept it, whatever he found out, where he knew it'd be safest.”

“And where would that be?” This was the first time since landing that Kaidan spoke. He was calm, quiet, dark eyes never leaving him.

“We're going to Barcelona.” 

* * * * *

Every time Lex stepped foot here he never wanted to leave. The first time he came to Barcelona was during a trip to Earth back when he was still in academy. Earth wasn't much to write home about. Humans had done their very best to destroy their home. Pollution was still a problem for most places. And, if it wasn't a megacity, technology was embarrassingly old. But this place. Idir, his best friend and roommate, insisted they come here. Idir wanted to show him the beauty Earth offered. The reason why humans deserved a place in Citadel space. 

And for all the wonders his home planet had, something about this city settled deep inside him. It became a ritual for them, a mandatory thing. Any time they were on Earth, they would visit. They escaped training and exams here. Idir would want Lex with him when he didn't want to deal with his parents. And then their relationship became more than friendly, more than platonic. This place wasn't just an escape anymore, it was a lover's getaway. When they graduated—Shepard the more physical part of the Alliance while Idir worked behind the scenes—they bought a place on a small strip of sandy beach. When Idir dated Moira, after he was married, up until the day Lex was thought to be killed in action, the two came here for an escape.

Garrus and Kaidan kept quiet when they docked. They didn't say a word as Lex rented a smaller, road-suitable craft. Silence filled the vehicle as Lex drove on, down to El Masnou. He turned onto one of the smaller roads. Down on a sandy strip that wasn't connected to one of the main beaches, was a modest-sized house. Lex pulled up and got out of the shuttle without a word, pleased to hear his team follow without a word, as if this was just another mission. Everything looked as he remembered it. Idir must have still had someone come out and tend to the lawn and plants. Did he come here even now when he needed space?

Lex went to the door and he didn't need to hack the locks. He knew the security code from two years ago and Idir never changed it. Garrus and Kaidan followed him inside. It was stuffy, the air hot and stale. Everything was in its place. When Lex passed the kitchen he knew there wouldn't be any food left behind aside from dried and canned items if he looked. Down a hall before the stairs to the bedrooms was the room he was looking for. Idir's office was the same. Except for a picture of Suki on the desk that he made a point of not looking at. He needed to focus.

Garrus went to the computer to start accessing the files. Lex left him to it as he set to work opening the door on the safe. Idir changed the combinations every time he came here. It was a tricky lock. Three sets of codes were needed. Three codes for three locks. If he messed up, the safe door would fuse shut and only cutting the whole damn thing from the wall would get whatever was in out.

Kaidan left to walk around the house, check outside. When he came back he wandered the room, taking in every detail. “No signs of any struggle. Nothing to show it was searched until now. Must not have told his abductors about the place.”

Lex only hummed his agreement as he began the decryption of the final lock. He felt Kaidan's stare, his neck tingling under the weight of it, but he didn't return it. Lex sighed and wiped the sweat off his forehead when the last lock opened. The door popped free. When he looked inside there was only one thing in there. One datapad. He hadn't accessed the files yet but he knew this was what they were looking for.

“He knew you'd know where to look. Without having to tell Moira,” Kaidan said.

“Yeah.” Lex finally met his gaze, challenging him, willing him to say what he wanted or back down. He wasn't disappointed.

“This place was yours. You and him were together.” It wasn't a question.

“Until the day I died.” Lex turned his back on Kaidan and came to stand beside Garrus.

He accessed the datapad and they all huddled over the screen, Garrus downloading everything onto his omni-tool for later reference. At first it was more notes, more speculation. Then Idir began piecing together invoices and the odd shift of resources to out of the way places. Places that weren't mentioned in the files Moira gave Lex. Idir was right. There was a money trail. Whoever the Collectors were working with, they were busy. And they were many. Lex wouldn't be surprised once he looked over all of this more thoroughly if he finally found the connection between them and Warden Kuril.

There was something else, though. A file Moira wouldn't have found to send along with the rest of her husband's work. It had Lex's name on it. He opened it and began reading. At first he didn't understand what it was he was reading. An account of a group of scientists and crew. A note on the side mentioning the possibility of Cerberus. Over the course of a few months there was always more crew shipping out to the research station.

“Shit,” Lex hissed as he kept reading. Garrus twitched beside him, not liking what he was reading either.

_Rumors are this station is a death trap. People go in but hardly anyone is heard from again. When they do, they seem different, sound different. One person I managed to track down has a brother who signed up for work on it. The last they talked to them, he sounded strange. Vacant. He looked sickly. Then there wasn't any word after that._

_Another account from a woman working at a fueling station. Every few weeks the same ship comes for servicing and fuel. She's used to seeing odd things, but this is different. It's a large ship. The people aboard call it a station. The crew are strange and she's seen many with augmentations—mainly for the eyes. I showed her a picture of a husk and she said they were similar. Strange things happen when the ship docks. Her and her crew always get headaches. They hear voices and see things that aren't there. Is this some kind of chemical effect? Is there a fear of contamination?_

Lex took a step back. He had an urge to throw open a window, catch a breath.

“How did he get a hold of this information?” Garrus seemed as agitated as Lex. He should be. He had been there the first time. He knew what this meant.

“Digging until he found something. He was always good at research.”

“Mind filling me in?” Kaidan looked between the two of them, waiting.

“It's a Reaper. It's a goddamn Reaper.” Lex stopped himself before he became hysterical, focusing instead on Kaidan's calm gaze. A breath in, a breath out. “This has happened before. People becoming _strange_ , for lack of a better word. Their bodies changing. It has to be the Reaper. I don't know how, but the Reaper has to be doing something.” It was unspoken, but he knew Garrus was thinking the same thing. The effect Sovereign had on Matriarch Benezia's mind. The twisted half-machine Saren turned into.

“Harbinger?” Garrus asked.

“I don't know. It doesn't sound like it. Harbinger seemed too loud about its existence, too ready for a fight. I don't think it would have laid low this long.”

Kaidan shook his head. “Harbinger's too busy with the Collectors.”

“So there are more out there than we thought. How did no one notice? Someone has to have seen something.”

“It looks like Idir was making a connection with Cerberus,” Garrus reminded Lex.

Lex took a breath to steady himself. “So, what? Cerberus is helping the Collectors? The Reapers? They've been hiding them this whole time?” What the fuck was going on? When this was over, he was going to have a talk with the Illusive Man.

Lex's omni-tool alerted him to a new message. As he read, relief flooded through him. His scars tingled as his implants began to cool, his heart rate slow. Garrus came closer, noticing the change in him instantly, but he didn't touch him.

“What is it?”

“As soon as I read over what Moira sent me, I forwarded everything to Liara. I was hoping she would find something.”

“Has she?”

“The video Idir's abductors took, she's traced where it was initially sent. Took her a while to go through all the false accounts and servers.” Lex read further before signaling Garrus and Kaidan to follow. “Idir's not on-planet. There's a ship orbiting Earth.”

As they drove back to the docking station for a shuttle, Garrus fiddled with his gun. They were silent for most of the trip. Lex was fine with that. He was perfectly content to let the rest of the mission remain as such. Kaidan wasn't going to let that happen though. As they drove he became twitchy, drumming his fingers against his leg and bouncing his knee.

“Problems?” Lex asked when he couldn't stand any more of his fidgeting.

Kaidan shook his head, lips stretched in a grimace. “You have to know. This group's whole wanting-a-file thing is bullshit.”

“I know. They already know what the file says. They want that information to stay quiet.”

“Then you have to also know that they're not going to give your friend back. Not alive, anyway.”

“I know.” That was obvious from the beginning. From the moment he watched the woman in the video and how she never tried to hide her identity—from the camera or Idir—Lex knew he would die if they didn't extract him. He had a feeling Idir knew that too.

Garrus leaned forward from the backseat. “Idir doesn't know that the ship is a Reaper. He never made that connection. That's saving him right now, Shepard. That's giving us time to get him out.”

Lex glanced to Kaidan, then to Garrus. The shuttle picked up speed. “We go in quiet, cloaked. No one is left alive, understood? No one to alert other parts of the ship. No one left to send word out.”

“Of course, Commander.” Garrus settled back, resting for the upcoming fight.

Kaidan only nodded. He didn't say anything for the rest of the way and for that Lex was grateful.

* * * * *

This was the trickiest part of the ship thus far. Lex leaned around the side of a large supply crate quickly counting as he scanned the room before crouching once more in hiding. Four on the floor, one on the walkway above them. The ship wasn't that big. All of the guards were concentrated in this area. Idir must be somewhere close. Lex's guess would be the room above them. 

The guards were like everyone else they found. They were silent. No one made a sound. No conversations. They had a sluggish pace about them as if sleepwalking. Just like the people on Feros. Lex progressed through the ship slow and silent. These people seemed easy targets but he knew, like the people under the Thorian's control, once they saw a threat they would become mindless and brutal. If even one sounded an alarm they would be swarmed. The chances of Idir's survival would drastically lower.

Similar to the Thorian's thralls but different. Lex had yet to see any Dragon's Teeth or pods. No spores. Nothing to tell him how these people remained under a Reaper's control. If there was a Reaper nearby Lex would know. It would make itself known. He didn't understand how a Reaper could reach so far. When Idir was once more safe he would give this new development the concentration it needed. Right now, he couldn't afford to lose focus.

Lex leaned close to Kaidan. “Can you hold them all at once?” Kaidan peeked around the crate before nodding. The guards were heavily armored and outfitted with more than just a pistol or two. If they could be subdued there wouldn't even be a fight. No gunfire to alert anyone holding Idir. “Then on my signal, Garrus take care of the guard above us and you—give me your best Stasis.”

“I'll give you something better.”

There was a flash of a smile before Kaidan fell into position. When Lex gave Garrus the go-ahead the room fell into silent chaos. The guard's helmet above them shattered and they fell over the rail. Blue energy enveloped the body before it could crash to the ground. Kaidan stepped out of hiding, holding the dead guard suspended in the air along with the others, powerless to draw weapons or cry for help. Another guard went limp with a jolt as Garrus made another flawless headshot. They both looked to Kaidan, surprised. Their bullets could penetrate Kaidan's Stasis. Lex smiled at him as Garrus took out another guard. Lex ran up, making quick work of the remaining two, ramming his omni-blade through the vulnerable patch of their armor.

Lex climbed the stairs, crouching beneath the windows of the office. As he drew near, movement and a muffled voice could be heard. He listened for a moment longer beneath the glass.

“You need to eat, Mr. Renault. You must keep your strength up.” The voice was monotonic, feminine. It was the woman from the ransom video. There was no reply. “Your family will worry when you are returned if you are weakened.”

“Can you please stop pretending that you're not going to kill me?” A tired, scratchy voice asked. So different than any other time he had heard it.

It took every ounce of Lex's training to not give away his position. He glanced back and found Garrus and Kaidan waiting out of sight. Ready for whatever he chose to do. A shadow fell across the window ledge and he activated his cloak.

“If you wish.” She was closer. On the other side of the pane of glass. “You have one day left. I felt the pretense would bring you comfort.”

“What's the point? Why keep me alive?”

“Motivation for your wife, of course. She asks during every communication for proof of life.”

“And you couldn't just fake it? Send her a recording?”

“We are not that cruel. I will not deny you your farewell, once I have what I need.”

“Just get it over with.”

There was silence for a moment. The shadow shifted but did not disappear. “You sound as if you are certain your wife will not give me what I need. Have you misled us, Mr. Renault?” When there wasn't a reply she said, “Perhaps we should have taken your daughter. We can still do that.”

Lex stood. Her back was to him. In the time it took to see no other guards were in the room with her, he slammed his hand through the glass. His gauntlet wrapped around her throat and he pulled. The window shattered as she was wrenched through. Lex fell onto her as she hit the ground, burying his omni-blade into her back, up through her ribs and into her heart. Only after her body went completely limp did he let go.

When he vaulted through the window Idir pressed himself further into the corner he was sitting in. Tired. Dirty. Scared. His suit hung from his haggard form. Large blue eyes darted from him to the blade he had yet to sheathe. It dripped with blood. Lex realized he still had his helmet on and made quick work of the latches. He dropped down to crouch before Idir, cutting his bindings away. Shaking, slender hands flew up to grip his face and, finally, Lex brought his gaze to Idir's.

“Lex?” Fingers danced across his face, ghosting over his scars. They must have been a fiery, hellish orange right then. He wanted to pull away but those fingers carded through his hair, sliding away to cup his cheeks.

Lex settled on smiling. “Hi.” His arms were full in another moment. A sob against his neck as Idir pressed his face against his armored shoulder. “It's okay. It's okay. I took care of everything. You're safe. Your family's safe.” He knew Garrus and Kaidan were outside the room waiting. Lex only held him tighter.

Idir leaned far enough away to look him over once more. “How are you here?”

“It's a long story. I'll tell you on the way back to Earth.”

Idir glanced around the room he had been held in the last few days. He reigned in the rest of his emotions and Lex smiled. Always so serious. However, there was still a tremor to his hand when he grabbed onto Lex for support as he stood.

“Get me out of here, Lex.”

* * * * *

They landed in a docking bay nearest to Idir's home. Now they were at a hospital. Garrus and Kaidan offered to stay but Lex insisted they return to the Citadel, take advantage of a few hours of shore leave. Lex came into the room Idir was resting in after he changed out of his armor. He sat in the chair next to the bed. 

“Moira's on her way. Should be here, with your parents, in thirty minutes. Thought I'd warn you.”

Idir cursed and ran a hand over his face. He still looked so exhausted. “Of course they're coming. I'm sure my parents have given Moira little peace over the past week.”

“Moira can handle them.”

“Yeah. She's strong. The strongest person I know, aside from you.” He smiled and turned his head to look at Lex.

“That's good that you had her. Someone like her... She told me some of what happened when I... When I was in a coma.” The happiness in his eyes dimmed and Lex swallowed against the growing lump in his throat.

“These past few years, me and Moira have really grown closer. We're solid, you know? I wouldn't have made it without her.”

Lex nodded, smiling. “I'm glad. I really am. I was worried, when I woke up. Worried you'd just lose yourself in your work. But you didn't. You have a beautiful little family, Idir, and I am truly happy for you.”

Idir's smile grew again but there were tears in his reddened eyes. “You saw her then?” He leaned over and grabbed his hand. Lex gripped it back, cradling it between his palms. “You met Suki?” There was so much love and warmth in his voice when he mentioned his daughter.

“I did. She's gorgeous. Got your pretty eyes.”

Idir shook his head but he laughed. He never could take a compliment. “I mangled your middle name, but at least this way, I was able to keep something alive.”

Lex laughed but it came out more of a sob. “Suki's kind of a stretch from Daisuke, don't you think?”

“Not at all. She's named after the only man I've ever loved. It's perfect. And one day she will live up to him.”

“I should go.” Lex didn't give him a chance to speak. He leaned forward and pulled Idir close, kissing him. And then he was up and making his way to the door. He turned and said, “You and Moira won't have to worry about anything. You're safe. Moira's safe. Nothing's going to happen to Suki, either. Those assholes won't get close enough to try anything again. I swear.”

“Thank you.” Idir knew Lex had connections. He knew his family now had the protection of a Spectre. He also knew this was goodbye. “Don't die, Lex.”

Lex winked at him before stepping out the door. “I'll do my best.”

* * * * *

Not every establishment on the Citadel pulsed with flashing lights and throbbing music. That was mainly for the tourists. If one knew where to look, there were some quiet gems on the station. Quiet. Dark. Private. A wave of a credit card could get almost any type of alcohol. Even human alcohol. The good stuff. Not alien knock-offs and poor substitutes. It could get expensive, but it was worth it. 

This was just that type of place. A bar tucked away on the lower levels. A friendly little quarian brought Lex his drink and he gave her a generous tip. It was his first one. His only one. He just needed something to take the shakes out of his hands.

He sipped at the whiskey in his glass. Human. Imported from Earth. Worth every damn credit. It went down smooth and warmed him from deep inside. When a familiar figure slumped down in the seat next to him at his table the whiskey already had him nice and mellow.

Lex tilted his glass in Kaidan's direction by way of greeting before taking another sip. Kaidan sighed and leaned back, resting his head against the wall behind him. It was cool and dark in this place. A balm to the headache Lex was sure he had.

“You alright?” Kaidan asked without opening his eyes.

“Yep.”

“Really.” Kaidan didn't seem all that interested in Lex's personal life. He sounded suspiciously like he was dozing off.

“Really. I know you and Garrus have figured out what all Idir was to me but, yeah, I'm alright.”

Kaidan laughed, a small breath of a thing and smirked. He opened his eyes and looked to him in the amber gloom of the bar. “And people say _I'm_ emotionally stunted.”

Lex laughed and took another sip. “You know, I used to dread this happening. I knew one day Idir would make a decision. Make a proper go at being with Moira. I hated it, thinking about it, but I knew. I'm not on Earth much. I'm not even from there. I can't compete with someone who can be there for him every day. I'm glad it happened this way.”

“Bullshit.”

“No, seriously. What happened two years ago...” Lex took a drink to settled his nerves. He didn't like talking about the day he was spaced and only did so when he was in a session with Chambers. “It's almost like it forced us, forced me, to deal with it. Sort of.”

“Dealing with your problems by being comatose.”

“I said sort of, didn't I? Anyway, it took the decision away. From me, from Idir. Now we didn't have to deal with the mess of trying not to hurt each other.”

Kaidan leaned forward to rest his elbows on the table and gave Lex a soft, playful smile. It was ridiculous. A man like him shouldn't be able to look like that. “One less piece of fucking baggage to take into the relay.”

“Exactly.” Lex threw the rest of his whiskey back in one gulp. It burned all the way down. He loved it. “Plus, they made a cute kid. So there's that.”

Kaidan gave his biceps a squeeze before he stood. “You ready to get out of here?”

Lex grabbed his jacket and stood with him. “Lead the way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't remember, Idir is the man mentioned in the Prologue. :) So, this was a loyalty mission. Lex's loyalty mission. I always wanted Shepard to have something personal in the games, especially ME2. I know when you go find the mako and the Normandy I is sort of a loyalty mission. I just wanted to play around with the character. Hope you guys liked this. :)


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A mission chapter, but my own spin. Of course. If you'll notice, I changed the rating from M to E. And it's not just for the graphic violence. If you are not a fan of sex scenes, please feel free to skip over it when the time comes. Enjoy!

**Chapter Twelve**

The coffee machine was nearly a casualty of Lex's rage. Another beep and a denial of producing what it was supposed to and he shoved the piece of shit away, sending it sliding into the wall with a clanging thud. He leaned against the counter in the Mess Hall with his head in his hands, willing himself to calm down. One breath, then another. A few more before his pulse finally slowed, the blood pounding in his ears subsiding. Someone sidled up beside him and started fiddling with the coffee machine.

The hiss of steam. A soft melodic trickle as coffee poured fresh and hot. It was strangely comforting, settling, when the familiar smell wafted his way. He stood just as Jacob passed him a full mug.

“Thanks.” Lex cleared his throat before sipping at the scalding liquid.

“Still haven't heard back from the Illusive Man?” Jacob asked, not even wasting time with small talk.

It had been a few days since Lex read the information Idir had gathered in the years he was in a coma. Information that was pointing to Cerberus in-league with his enemy. With the Collectors. With the fucking Reapers. Since then, he tried opening up lines of communication with his current employer but the Illusive Man was silent.

“Not yet.”

“This organization is so big, even he can't know what all is happening all the time. If this Reaper, or whatever, has connections with a Cerberus cell, he probably doesn't know.”

“That's not good enough.”

Jacob leaned against the counter, closer. “No, it isn't. Whatever we find out, we got your back, Shepard.”

“How do you do it?” He felt Jacob's gaze on him, patient and curious. For all their differences Jacob had been a solid supporter of his leadership from the beginning. Before all the crazy shit they had seen together since he woke up on that operating table. Before they stumbled onto the insane fuckery that Jacob's father was involved in. Even with his loyalties to Cerberus and Miranda. He didn't know how that was possible. Jacob's beliefs didn't stop him from trusting Lex, or Lex trusting him. Bonds of soldiers, he supposed. “How do you work for something like Cerberus, do the things they ask of you, and trust them to make the right choices?”

“I don't. I don't trust the organization, the symbol. I trust the people. The people I fight alongside and the people I protect. It's dangerous and stupid to think that Cerberus can't be corrupt. The Council, the Alliance, Cerberus—there will always be those that use power for shady dealings, but then there's always others who are just trying to help.”

“And if you're the figurehead of atrocity in the meantime?”

“You stick with the people you trust. You do your best at your job. You remember why you fight in the first place and take comfort in the fact that you still have the sense to know what is an atrocity.”

Lex nodded, not knowing what to say, and poured the last of his coffee into the sink. Jacob gave a friendly shove to his arm and turned to make more drinks as Tali wandered up to them. She accepted the special quarian-friendly tea from Jacob with a greeting that was fractionally less chilly than usual. Over the past month, her suspicion and disdain for Jacob was thinning. He still wasn't her favorite human, nor was Miranda, but Lex could tell she was making the effort for him.

Tali'Zorah vas _Normandy_.

One didn't have to be Kelly Chambers to see that his friend was distraught over the events that occurred back on the Migrant Fleet just a bit over a week ago. Lex was able to spare her the added stress of being exiled, though he thought those that were still loyal to her on the Flotilla were more responsible for that than him, but she did not come out unscathed. Tali lost her father and she would grieve over him, and his unnecessary death, for a long time to come.

Still, that Tali took “Normandy” as her surname gave Lex a warm, toasty feeling inside and a soft, stupid smile on his face whenever he thought about it. The ship she would call home. He was okay with that.

“Full schedule today, Shepard?” Tali asked, fidgeting with her cup and trying to sound anything other than depressed.

“Not too much. On our way to Illium to help Liara out with something.”

“Something?” A trace of fondness bled into her voice at the mention of their old crew mate.

“You know Liara. Awful cryptic these days. I like to think of her jobs as surprises.”

“Surprises are usually fun, not with so many bodies and Liara threatening to skin people.”

It was about time he suited up. He never knew what to expect with Liara. A cup of tea in the park while they went over some new intel she came across or gunfights against her co-workers. It was best to be prepared. He glanced away from Tali to see Kaidan in his armor and waiting to dock.

Taking Tali's cup to set aside, he asked her, “Wanna grab your shotgun?”

* * * * *

Finally, there was silence. It took him a moment to hear the calm that suddenly washed over the chaos. No more screams. No more explosions and gunfire. The only sound loud in his ears, Lex realized, was his own harsh breathing. Liara was faring better, but he could see Kaidan panting, his breath hitching now and again. Hopefully they didn't just kick him into having one of his worse migraines. Sweat trickled down Lex's temple and he could feel his underarmor sticking to him with the tacky residue of it.

He didn't lower his gun. None of them did. Even with Tela Vasir bleeding out on the ground, he wasn't going to give her another chance to run.

Kaidan laughed and winced but never took his eyes or weapon off Vasir. “So is the SPECTR organization only made up of two-faced assholes, or what? 'Cause I'm sensing a fucking pattern here.”

“If you're referring to Saren, I'm nothing like him.” Vasir spat the turian's name and clutched harder at the wound in her abdomen. Liara knelt beside her, searching till she found what she was looking for. A disk. This whole mess for a disk. Vasir smiled, purple blood gathering at the corner of her mouth. “Your Commander understands.”

“The Shadow Broker is helping the Collectors, I would never do that. Not willingly.” She smiled again at that addition and he wanted to shoot her in the face.

“I know you're human, but you can't already have forgotten what we do, Shepard. What we are here for. Spectres do things the Council won't because they would never get their hands dirty, even for the sake of the universe.”

“I wouldn't help the Collectors.”

“I can't control what the Shadow Broker gets up to. It doesn't stop what they know, what they have access to, from being of use to me. That's why you understand. You're working with Cerberus to save lives—I do a job now and then for the Shadow Broker for information that does the same thing. You have no right to judge me, Shepard.”

Her breathing grew faster, shallow, and then it stopped. Vasir fell to the side, blood pooling on the ground as her hand slipped away from her wound. Another Spectre gone. Every one of them he ever worked with never seemed to make it too far past meeting him. Lex looked away from her body and took in the destruction their fight caused. Block upon city block was damaged. He didn't even want to think about the state of the Azure Hotel. Smoke drifted into the air a few miles away and he guessed that would be the Baria Frontiers building. Still smoldering.

“Tali,” Lex said into his comm.

_“Yes, Shepard?”_ She came in loud and clear, no sounds of gunfire or explosions on her end and a wave of relief rushed through him.

“Status.” They left Tali near the Dracon Trade Center to deal with any of Vasir's straggling back-up.

_“All clear. Garrus and Doctor Lawson came down. We're mainly helping the injured and the police now.”_

“Excellent. Vasir has been taken out, we're waiting on Liara's next move.”

Lex found Liara back inside the hotel and watched as she finally took a look at the disk's contents. The scowl that she wore more often than not these days settled once again on her face, marring her girlish features. Whatever she was reading was making her angry.

“This was never about anything other than killing me.”

“Why?”

“Because I stopped the Shadow Broker from dealing with the Collectors over your body? Because I won't give up on finding Feron? Because I keep getting into their business? Take your pick.”

“So what's the next move?”

“I'm not sure there is one.” Liara started on the way back to their borrowed car.

“We can't leave things like this. You have coordinates to the Shadow Broker, right?”

“Yes.”

“Then let's hit them now.”

“It's too risky. I couldn't ask you to do this, not when we don't even know if Feron's alive.”

“He's alive. We'll find him in time.”

“It's too big, Shepard, what I'm asking of you.”

“Hey.” Lex took a gentle grip of her face and pressed his forehead to hers. It was an underhanded tactic. Liara was never good at hiding her feelings for him, even though he couldn't return them in the way she wanted. A touch or a kind word from him always won him her agreement. “You're my crew, Liara.”

“I haven't been that in a long time.”

“You don't have to be on my ship to be my crew.”

“Since I met you on Therum, you've always been there to help me.” As hardened as she liked to make herself seem, Liara still enjoyed their contact and nuzzled the slightest bit against him.

“Of course.”

“One of these days, I'll pay back everything I owe you.”

Lex stepped away and motioned for her to follow. “You don't owe me anything. You're my friend.”

A few years ago, Liara would have stammered and blushed at such a declaration from him. That was a lifetime ago. She only smiled softly and pulled up her omni-tool. “I've sent the coordinates of the Shadow Broker's base to the Normandy. We can be there in just a few hours, or so.”

“Better get on it then,” Kaidan said as he fell into step with them on the way to their shuttle.

“When we get to the ship, it'll give us some time to regroup. I can have someone else go with us.” Lex was giving Kaidan a way out, though he didn't seem to be in any extra pain.

“Fuck that.”

Liara was driving this time and she was already in the front seat when Lex put a hand on Kaidan's arm to stop him. He lowered his voice, leaning in for only him to hear. “I don't want to push you, Alenko.”

Kaidan didn't pull away. Instead, he leaned closer, lips almost brushing his cheek. “Just try and fucking stop me, Alexis.” He pulled back, and any heat that had been in his voice was gone, but there was an almost manic giddiness to it, in his eyes. “This is the _Shadow Broker_. Do you realize what kind of information they might have on me? More than Cerberus, probably. And if not, they have ways of finding it.”

“Fine.” He couldn't argue with that. If Kaidan wanted to risk a migraine, that was his business. “Miranda?” He opened the comm once more.

_“Yes, Shepard?”_

“Would you mind staying with Garrus and Tali here while I go with Liara to finish this?”

There was silence over the line for a moment. He knew she did mind. Already he could hear her telling him they didn't have time for another side stop. _“I suppose that would be best, considering. You're on your way to the Shadow Broker, I presume.”_

“Yes.”

_“We'll be more use here then, while you run off.”_ That was as insubordinate as his XO would get while they were outside of her office. _“When we're done here, I can do my work from Illium.”_

“Good. I'll send down anyone else who'd rather stay planet-side while we take care of this.” Lex signed off and signaled for his team to head for the Normandy.

* * * * *

For such a notorious, legendary thing, Lex expected something more. The inside of the Shadow Broker's ship was basically like any other. Not that infiltrating the base had been easy, far from it. Miranda was going to kill him when she found out they would have to dock a few more hours on Illium for repairs. It wasn't his fault the Shadow Broker used the natural power of Hagalaz's weather system as his strongest line of defense. If he lived through this, he'd deal with his unhappy XO.

Lex expected something grand, sleek. Something his primitive, human mind would have a hard time wrapping itself around. All he had seen so far were yet more nameless mercenaries working for a high-paying overlord. And when they found Feron? Lex's blood ran cold when he remembered the poor bastard, strapped down and barely alive from the torture device he was hooked to. Any time the drell spoke he was shocked, a current so strong it threatened to fry him every time it tore through him. Lex dared not ask him for any information, helpful to his cause or not.

The only way to help Feron was cutting the power. To do that, he had to keep going. Blue light flared and a single guard in the room they entered stood frozen in Stasis. Lex ran up to him and finished him off with his omni-blade. Liara dropped him, coming into the room to look for anything useful. Kaidan came to stand beside him, still that manic giddiness in his eyes and in the way he carried himself. He was quick and efficient throughout this ordeal. Didn't waste time and effort. Kaidan was there for answers and he wasn't going to let anything stop or slow him.

“Central Operations should be through there,” Kaidan said and gestured towards the hall leading out of the other side of the room where the guard was stationed.

Liara nodded and fell behind Lex, waiting for him to lead. They slipped inside the darkened room as the last lock on the door disengaged. His grip on his gun tightened when he spotted the only living being in the room. The room was dark, save for the lights from the numerous flashing monitors. The light fell all around the Shadow Broker, but never in the right place, never enough to show its face. It was big, whatever it was. At first he thought it was a krogan. And wouldn't that be a hilarious joke on the universe? Then it spoke and Lex knew he had no idea what they were dealing with.

“Welcome, Commander Shepard, Doctor T'Soni.” The voice that drifted out of the darkness was a deep, growling purr. “You are here for Feron. That is very reckless, even for one such as yourself, Commander.”

“You know me,” and Lex didn't doubt that this creature did, “I can never leave well enough alone.”

“A shame. Perhaps you would have lived a fraction longer, had you not come here.”

“Enough.” Liara kept her gun aimed where the Shadow Broker's head ought to be. “Release Feron now.”

“Or what?” The Shadow Broker sounded amused, its form rustling in the darkness as it shifted behind a massive desk. “Do remember, Doctor T'Soni, that it is because of you that Feron is where he is now.”

“It's because of me,” Lex said. “You deal with me now, Broker.” He leveled his aim, readying to fire.

A low, rumbling hiss came from the shadows and Lex realized it was laughing. “Yes. A war waged across the stars. All for the mangled corpse of a human. That offer is still open, Commander.”

“From the Collectors?”

“Alive or dead, I doubt it matters. You should not have come here.”

“We are not some hired thugs,” Liara spat and came closer to Lex when the Shadow Broker threatened him. “We won't go down as easily as your troops. Don't think for a moment I will let you take him.”

The Shadow Broker made an appraising, humming sound. “Ah, and you brought _him_. Cerberus' lost war pup. Tell me, Kaidan Alenko, how much have you learned since your reinstatement into their ranks?” A harsh laugh echoed around the room. “Oh, the plans they have in store for you! Once Commander Shepard is done with you, it's back to the operating table.”

“I'll destroy your base if I have to,” Liara interrupted the Shadow Broker, cocking her pistol. “I'm not going to tell you again.”

“I have no need to do as you say, Doctor T'Soni. You are nothing to me. No use to me. I know everything there is to about you. But him,” amusement lingered on the edge of the Shadow Broker's voice and Lex knew, even without being able to see properly, that the creature was entirely focused on Kaidan. “The secrets buried in that head of yours. So many things you know and have forgotten. I can get them out, one way or another.”

“You don't have to be alive for me to find information on my past.” Kaidan's voice was tight, his body rigid with anxiety. A blue sheen rippled over him.

“I do still have some secrets from you. I know what you are.” Liara smiled and the Shadow Broker shuffled again behind their desk. “You're a yahg. Truly the universe's dumbest barbarians, yahgs.” A low hiss began to fill the room. “Couldn't even control their most base instincts when given the chance to explore the galaxy.”

“You know nothing of my kind!”

“Your people haven't even evolved enough to build technology for space exploration. That means you weren't always the Shadow Broker. My guess is someone took you from your planet and you killed the last Shadow Broker. Were you their slave?” Liara's smile was cruel. “No. You were just an exotic pet who turned on its master.”

If Liara was hoping for a violent reaction, she got one. Lex barely had time to think, to take in the horrifying features of the Shadow Broker once it came into the light. Eight rage-filled eyes tracked them. A large triangular mouth opened, rows of sharp teeth glistening in the flashes of the monitors. Wickedly curved horns rested atop its head and Lex didn't have a hard time imagining being gored at the ends of them. The shriek that came from the Shadow Broker made Lex want to cover his ears. Then it ripped its massive desk from the floor and hurled it at them.

Lex and Liara were given a biotic push out of the way. Kaidan's Barrier wasn't up fast enough and Lex could do nothing but watch him take the full impact of the desk. There was no room for any other thought but surviving the fight after that. Lex only glanced at Kaidan's still form once, limp and vulnerable beneath piles of debris, before focusing entirely on the Shadow Broker.

They emptied clip after clip. Lex could see how this being held onto the title of Shadow Broker for so long. The damn thing was nearly invincible with its shields and the natural armor of thick, scaly skin that covered most of its body. He wanted to cry when finally they knocked its shields down only for the bastard to raise a barrier. So it could do that too? Great. A useless shot to the barrier told him bullets no longer did anything.

“I can't get through!” Liara yelled to him as she tried every biotic trick she had.

“For fuck's sake.” Lex holstered his gun and, since the Shadow Broker was completely focused on maintaining its Barrier, charged.

A punch to the softer, unarmored skin of its stomach stunned the Shadow Broker. So far on his mission to defeat the Collectors, Lex didn't notice the differences between his old body and his new one too much. He was stronger and faster, he knew this already, but it was more obvious now that he was in hand-to-hand combat with a yahg. The creature actually seemed wounded. But then its shields came back, fully powered, and Lex had to dive out of its reach.

He and Liara ran from cover to cover. Computers, furniture, pillars—nothing kept the yahg at bay. They drew its attention away from Kaidan but they were running out of places to hide.

“I'm not doing this all damn day!” He looked around for anything to use in the fight. They were running out of bullets and those weren't the most useful against the Shadow Broker anyway. Thick tubes caught his eye and he followed them to find they all met on the ceiling. He motioned for Liara to look. “That's the ship's coolant. On my signal, bust the pipes.”

Liara didn't ask what the signal would be but she worked with him enough times to know whatever it was, she wouldn't miss it. Lex activated his cloak and ran from their hiding spot. The Shadow Broker raged on, charging and shooting at any movement. It didn't see Lex run by. There was a flash of orange and the yahg roared. Lex sank his omni-blade into its side before ripping it free and stabbing again in its stomach. A crash came from above and Lex stepped back as the coolant poured onto the Shadow Broker. An electric hiss and the Shadow Broker's shields sputtered out. Lex leaped onto its back, gripping a horn as he slammed his omni-blade through the back of its neck.

The Shadow Broker barely hit the ground before Liara was at the computers. The power flickered, went out, and flooded back on as she reset the ship's system. Instantly, there came feedback from the Shadow Broker's thousands of agents. They wanted to know what the loss of signal was. If there was some sort of problem. It was all background noise. Lex took a moment to make sure the yahg was dead before running to Kaidan, tossing rubble aside as he went.

“Kaidan.” Lex knelt beside him, gently cradling his head in his hands. His omni-tool didn't alert him to any breaks or fractures but that didn't mean he wasn't injured. He slid his helmet off and still the biotic didn't wake. “Come on, Kaidan.”

_What if there was damage to his implant? What if the L2 finally fried him? What if he can't wake up?_

Lex was about to leave Liara to sort out whatever she just got herself in to, drag Kaidan back to the Normandy, when Kaidan's breathing changed and his eyelids moved. He was coming to. A relief so intense washed over him that he felt like he could pass out. Before he could stop himself, Lex leaned down and kissed him. It was a brief, chaste thing. A simple press of lips. But Lex had to fight to keep his eyes opened and Kaidan shuddered as he pulled away.

Suddenly, Kaidan snapped awake, coughing as he inhaled a sharp breath. “What the _fuck_ just happened?” Lex could only laugh and Kaidan propped himself on his elbows, slowly taking in his position and the mess around them. “Did a _fucking fly monster_ knock me out with a giant piece of fucking furniture?”

“Yeah. Basically.”

“What else did I miss, along with the whole goddamn fight?”

Lex glanced over to Liara as she and Feron talked in hushed whispers. “I think Liara's the new Shadow Broker.”

“I need a drink.”

“I'll buy you one.”

“Buy me several.” Kaidan winced as Lex pulled him to his feet but he seemed fine, considering.

“Absolutely.”

When they joined the other two, Liara turned to them. “Kaidan Alenko, you wish to find out if the Shadow Broker had collected any information on you over the years?”

“I do.”

“Then you have free access to the Shadow Broker's database.” She looked to Feron and he stepped forward. “Feron can show you where to go and answer any questions you may have.”

Kaidan looked to Lex and, with a nod from him, followed Feron out of the room. When they were alone, he turned to Liara. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

“Someone has to. And, this way, we know the Collectors have lost a powerful ally.”

“True, but this is huge.”

“I can finally help you, Shepard.”

“You don't have to become the Shadow Broker to do that.”

“Just think—the Shadow Broker's resources used for good. There's nothing else I could spend my time doing that was more important than this.”

“As long as it's what you want. In that case, would you like to come to the Normandy for a bit? I'll show you the new layout. We can have a drink.” He took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze within his gauntlet. “Before you take on your new role as Shadow Broker.”

Liara smiled, sweet and girlish. Just like how he remembered. “That would be lovely, Shepard. Give me a few minutes and I'll meet you there.”

“It's a date.”

* * * * *

Lex had just enough time to shower and find a bottle of alcohol that didn't have too much of a fluorescent glow to it when Liara walked in. He smiled and came to her, taking her hand to kiss.

“You look stunning, Doctor.”

Liara's smile was shy as she ran her free hand down her side. The dress was simple, a common design in asari fashion, but he didn't lie. She looked amazing.

“It's been a while since I've worn anything other than armor. It seems all I ever am is 'suited and booted' these days.”

“I hear that.” Lex handed her a glass.

“Before I forget, I have something for you.” She held out her hand and dropped something into his upturned palm.

They sat down and Lex stared at what she gave him. They were shinier than they had been in a long time. As if someone had polished them, buffed out the nicks and dents in the metal. He had to swallow down the sudden lump in his throat. He thought his Alliance military dog tags were lost. Floating in the vast darkness of space.

“Where did you get these? When I didn't find them on Alchera...”

“I stopped the Collectors from taking your body, remember? I kept these, before I gave you to Cerberus.” Liara was quiet for a moment, draining her glass. “We haven't really talked about what I did. For a long time I didn't know if you'd forgive me. But I can't regret it, Shepard. And to say I wouldn't do it again would be a lie.”

“You know, when I first joined the military, I never would have thought I'd be working with Cerberus. I don't think I'm worth all this trouble, Liara, but I'm glad you did what you did. I'll do what I can to live up to the belief you have in me that what I do actually makes a difference.”

“Of course it does. Everything you do, everyone you come into contact with, affects us. We're changed for having met you.”

Lex smiled, sad and tired, before taking a sip of his drink. “Sometimes for the worst.”

“Only if they're on the wrong side of the fight.” Liara leaned back to rest her head on the soft cushion of the couch, she turned to watch him. “It is different though, this time. Right, Shepard?”

“How do you mean?”

“The last mission, our search for Saren, you had your orders keeping you going. I don't think that'll be enough this time.”

Lex frowned and turned in his seat to face her. “I don't understand.”

“Do you have someone this time, Shepard? Not your Alliance and not your orders. Do you have someone in your life to fight for? To make yourself come through the Relay for?”

An image flashed through his mind. Silky black hair. Dark eyes that sucked him in, swallowed him whole. Wounded. Damaged. Dangerous. Everything he wanted. A man he was willing to do anything for. “Yeah, I do.”

“Good. You were always so _focused_ , never taking time away from the mission. It's nice to see that you've learned to take a step back now and then.”

“Tell that to Miranda.” Lex threw the rest of his drink back. It wasn't as strong as he liked, but it was good enough for now.

Liara laughed. “Though, I am a little worried. You two are a bit intense. It's like one is a building full of explosives and the other is a match, but I have yet to decide which is which.”

“We're not that bad.” It was funny. He didn't even have to say Kaidan's name for Liara to know.

“That's why Garrus works so well with you two, he doesn't pick up on all the unspoken, _human_ tension.” Liara laid her hand over his. “I'm glad, truly.”

“I don't need him to feel the same.” He could never say these things to anyone else. Liara always was able to get him to spill his inner-most thoughts. Perhaps it was because they once shared something that was so intimate as sharing one mind for a moment in time. “I know what was done to him will be with him always and I,” he relaxed his hands after they balled into tight fists, “probably won't be able to help him. I just want him to be happy. Make a place where he can be safe. That's why I'm doing this now, Liara, because if Kaidan lives in this world, I need to make it safe for him. Even if he doesn't want me to.”

“I think you underestimate how much you've helped him so far. I've read over some files the Shadow Broker had on him. He's come a long way already, Shepard.” She gave his hand a squeeze before standing. “I need to get back.”

“I'll walk you to the docking bay.”

On their way to the elevator, Liara stopped when she saw Kaidan talking with Thane. She turned to Lex, speaking loud enough for the other men to hear. “Actually, I think I would like Kaidan to walk me back. There's something involving the Shadow Broker I'd like to discuss with him.”

“That's fine.” Lex leaned in and kissed her cheek. “We'll swing by whenever we can.”

“Please try. I'm sure I'll have resources and other things for you next time.” 

“Goodbye, Liara.” He said to Kaidan, “As soon as you've seen Doctor T'Soni off, we're heading back to Illium.”

Kaidan fell into step with Liara but he turned to Lex as the elevator opened. “Remember, Alexis, you're buying some drinks when we land.”

“Pick the place, Alenko. I'll be there.” He turned back to his quarters. Maybe if he finished some mission reports Miranda wouldn't hurt him too bad for the coming delay in their departure from Illium.

* * * * *

“I'm surprised you wanted to come here,” Lex yelled over the music.

“What can I say? I'm in a fucking fantastic mood. Not even a migraine is gonna stop me.” The colored flashing of the club's lights beat down on them and Lex had to admit, Kaidan didn't look to be in pain at all.

“I take it you found something in the Broker files.”

“Yeah, I did. But I don't want to talk about that right now, Alexis. Just keep the booze coming.”

They were on their way to being on their fourth round. The rest of the crew went in every other direction. Some opted for staying on the ship for the time being, others took advantage of Illium's many attractions. He didn't think anyone else from the Normandy was in this particular club. Just him and a biotic serial killer who was determined to drowned himself in liquor and anything else to keep his mind off whatever he found at the Shadow Broker's base. In time he was sure Kaidan would tell him. He'd give him his space for now.

To be honest, he didn't care much at the time. They had even more resources. Most of his crew was squared away. Liara was in his corner. And right this moment? The drinks were many and cold. The music was thrumming along his veins. And Kaidan was looking at him with as much of an unveiled look of honest happiness (or at the least contentment) he had ever seen from the man.

“Correct me if I'm wrong,” Kaidan said and leaned closer to be heard over the music, heat from his shoulder spreading into Lex's. “At the base earlier, was that a kiss? I mean, I could have imagined that. I was hit with a fucking giant's desk.”

Lex laughed and ran his thumb along the cool surface of his glass. “You're not wrong.”

“That's not exactly fair, is it? I was practically unconscious, Alexis.”

“Would you like an apology?”

“Hell no. I wouldn't mind a chance to return the favor, though.”

Lex shook his head before finishing his latest shot. “Any time you're ready, Alenko.”

A large hand grabbed him by the back of the neck and pulled. He had to turn on his stool or risk landing on his ass. The music was too loud for anyone but Kaidan to hear his laughter as he kissed him at the bar. Lex slid off his seat, into an arm that wrapped around his waist. The bite of Kaidan's strong drink, the salt of his sweat—it had him pressing closer. Opening his mouth. Letting Kaidan inside him. As if he wasn't there already. That thought had Lex kissing back just a strongly, holding Kaidan by the hips with one hand while the other found its way into his hair.

“Come on.”

Lex didn't know if he heard him right, not completely sure he even spoke, if it wasn't for the fact Kaidan said those words in a rush so close to his ear. Kaidan led him from the club, onto the busy Illium streets. He seemed to know where he was going. Lex happily followed, smiling all the way as Kaidan held onto his belt.

They came to a quieter stretch near the Docking Bay and visitor's section. Kaidan stopped at one of several nondescript doors and pulled out his credit card. Only when he had to use both hands did he let go of Lex.

“How long are we docked?” Kaidan swiped his card and began typing in a few numbers.

“Maintenance said they need fifteen hours. Starting,” Lex checked his omni-tool as the time flashed onto the screen, “Thirty minutes ago.”

“Right.” Kaidan muttered under his breath for a moment. He turned, dark eyes looking Lex up and down so thoroughly that it sent pleasant little shudders down his spine. “Let's say seven hours.”

Before Lex could question him, whatever Kaidan had been fiddling about with made a light turn on over the door. A cheerful AI thanked Kaidan Smith for his business and to please enjoy his rest on beautiful Illium. Lex couldn't help laughing as he was dragged through the door.

Travelers who were staying a few days or just a few hours had the luxury to rent a small room in some of the galaxy's busiest cities. Some, like on Earth, were mostly no bigger than a sleep pod as they still encouraged tourists to spend money on hotels. Off human planets was when things sometimes got really fun. One could find for a reasonable price a small room to sleep or rest in, usually with a personal bathroom. All at the swipe of a card and an exchange of a few credits. Simple. Efficient. And right now, for what Kaidan had in mind, perfect for two men with not a lot of time.

As far as “pod chambers” went, this one was better than most. Lex now saw that Illium's decadence ran even to their simplest structures. The bed was no mere mat. Crisp and clean sheets. Larger than what one person might need. This planet must see a lot of renters with more than sleep in mind. A bedside compartment that held a few complimentary items. A bathroom with more than a narrow shower and toilet. And was that a bar?

He was getting sidetracked. And apparently he only had seven hours.

They didn't need the bed. Not yet. For now they enjoyed the new freedom of kissing and touching. Kaidan's lips were surprisingly soft, begging to be nibbled. Especially the little scar on his top lip. Lex groaned, pulling him closer to do just that. He helped get his vest off, finally pulling his lips away when Kaidan started tugging at his shirt. The cool air against his skin made him shiver, shaking further at the contrast of those hot hands running along his back, then his arms and, finally, grazing over his chest. Kaidan paused in his exploration long enough to let his shirt join Lex's.

When he was bare for him to get a good look at, Lex couldn't decide where to put his attention. He touched and kissed every inch exposed. All of those knots of black. Slashes of red. When he had his fill for the moment he focused on what had haunted him these last few months. Lex pulled Kaidan hard against him and leaned in to lick the outline of that goddamned flower on the biotic's neck. Kaidan moaned and when Lex bit him, he cried out and put a hand to the back of Lex's head, keeping him there to nip and suck at the petals.

Lex tore himself away. Enough of that. Later he would return to it but not now. Now there was something else he wanted. Something he needed. He sank to his knees, instantly working at the buckle of Kaidan's belt. Those tight jeans slid down over the curve of his ass, passed his thighs. Lex had to concentrate on getting them to the tops of his boots. Kaidan put his hands on his shoulders to lean on him as he helped rid himself of the last of his clothes and boots. Lex held him in place, grabbing his hips and ass. He leaned forward.

Until the day he died he would remember that soft shuddering breath as he licked. The first time he tasted Kaidan as he took him into his mouth. How Kaidan said his name as he began to show him what he could do with just his mouth. _Alexis_. Always Alexis. Lex alternated from slow, sucking pulls to a brutally fast pace that had Kaidan crying out even louder, rocking his hips into Lex. Lex would have smiled but settled for humming and swallowing him deeper.

He was almost there. Lex could feel it in the way he shook under his hands. The breathless tremors in his voice. Instead of pulling back he sucked and licked faster. Kaidan laughed, hips moving in time until they were thrusting against him. His arms came around his head, back bowing over him. They held onto each other, crushing grips but not worried that the other would hurt them. Not ever. And when it happened, Lex took everything Kaidan spilled. Scalding against his sore throat. Bitter on the tongue. Precious and not to be lost.

Kaidan unfolded from around him, staring down at him as he slipped from his mouth. He smiled, running a hand through Lex's messy hair. “Who would have thought _the_ Alexis Shepard would ever get on his knees and suck cock better than the galaxy's most expensive whores?”

Lex laughed, breath still coming out as panting, as he ran a gentle hand along Kaidan's hip. “Alenko, there's not a lot in the 'verse I wouldn't do when it comes to you.”

Kaidan's eyes grew dark. Mad, beautiful eyes. He pulled Lex up, kissing him and shuddering as he tasted deeper. Lex pushed and Kaidan stepped back, smiling as he crawled onto the bed. It didn't take much to finish undressing, though it wasn't easy under the attentive gaze of his new lover. Kaidan tracked him, watching every movement. When he came within reach he grabbed him by the balls. Lex took Kaidan by a handful of hair, ever mindful not to aggravate his headache, and kissed him as Kaidan started stroking him.

They managed to lay out on the mattress. Skin to skin. The sensation was almost too much for Kaidan's sensitive nerves and Lex silenced his growing cries with his tongue. His hands swept up and down Kaidan's body, feeling out the scars beneath the ink. His heart clenched and he moved down the bed, kissing each scar he felt, attempting to soothe each painful memory with every swipe of tongue and press of teeth. With a flip, Kaidan was on his stomach. Lex found himself in a frenzy. More ink. More images. Hiding even more scars. He bent to attend each one. The swirling colors teased him. Sometimes he caught a glimpse of something before it disappeared into the mess of art. Pictures upon pictures within pictures. Lex studied them all with his hands and mouth. Memorizing them. He barely noticed how Kaidan shook.

“Fuck. Alexis,” Kaidan choked out, pressing his face into the pillows.

Lex draped himself over him and they both moaned as he ground his hips down against him. “Tell me what you want, Alenko.” He bent down to kiss along his shoulder.

Kaidan turned his head to the side and Lex saw a blue haze creep into his eyes. The bedside table rattled before the drawer came out. He lifted himself as far from Kaidan as he could stand and glanced inside. He couldn't help laughing at the contents.

“Goddamn, I love Illium. So accommodating!”

He grabbed one of the many bottles of lubricant (hypoallergenic for all species) and one of several different types of condoms. As he prepared Kaidan he couldn't help leaning down to kiss and bite along his spine. So fucking perfect. He whispered as much against sweaty skin, thrilling at the way Kaidan groaned at the sound of his voice. Kaidan reached back to grab his hip, pulling him forward. Lex didn't need any other hints. He pushed forward, gritting his teeth as Kaidan's slick heat sucked him in.

The world shrank for a while after that. Lex didn't know how long they moved against and with each other. He pounded into Kaidan from behind, paying attention to every little sound the biotic made. He concentrated only on what made Kaidan fall apart faster. Kaidan jerked and convulsed, crying out as he came.

It wasn't enough. Not nearly enough. Lex pulled out, turning Kaidan over. The man was a boneless heap. He could only mumble and twitch as his cock was stroked. Lex worked him over until he was sobbing. It was too soon for him to be hard again but he could feel the sensitive organ awakening slowly. When he was halfway there, Lex held his legs open as he sank back inside. Kaidan's head thrashed from side to side. His skin crackled with energy. Soon his hips began to churn against his, cock dribbling against his sticky abdomen.

Lex lifted one of his legs over his shoulder and leaned forward to brace himself against the headboard. Kaidan yanked him closer by the neck, screaming into his mouth as Lex slammed harder into him. Their kiss was sloppy and frantic, just like their fucking. Kaidan shuddered, falling away and Lex held him up with his free hand. He wasn't quite finished kissing that mouth. He might never be. With a pained sob Kaidan came again. And suddenly the frenzy ended. Lex shouted as his orgasm hit him, shaking him to his core. He collapsed onto Kaidan, letting his leg fall down to his hip as he thrust the last little flutters of his completion away.

He couldn't bring himself to move. They lay in a tangle of limbs and twisted sheets. He smiled as hands ran along his back, grabbing and messaging as they both came down from their high. Finally, he felt Kaidan shift away beneath him. Cracking open an eye, he watched as Kaidan crawled to the edge of the bed. On shaking legs he found his pants. Kaidan made a little noise of triumph as he found whatever he was looking for and came back to Lex. A few small syringes of a yellowish liquid. Lex smiled, not stopping Kaidan injecting him after he did himself. Stims.

Kaidan smiled as his fatigue drained away and glanced at the small glowing clock on the wall. “Wanna make the next five and a half hours count?”

Lex grabbed Kaidan by the waist and turned them until he was looming over him. “I'll do my best.”

* * * * *

They had about an hour left. At some point they allowed themselves to fall asleep. The most peaceful rest Lex had in some time. After that, sometimes they fucked and other times they didn't. Other times they talked. Lex still couldn't get over the fact that Kaidan actually told him things. Things that mattered. Things that weren't complete bullshit. He didn't make a big deal out of it, silently showing the man in everything he did that he could trust him and treated this confidence with the honor it deserved. But that didn't mean he wasn't going to not milk this new found privilege for every drop of information he could.

For the last hour or so, Lex would slide a hand along a certain tattoo and Kaidan would tell him what he could.

“That's for this mission I had to do on Earth. I remember looking at the sunset afterwards. Thinking about how I didn't feel a damn thing when I killed a room of people just earlier—some political bullshit my current Master was involved in. And I didn't feel anything looking at this beautiful horizon. There was nothing in me. Not even glad I made it out.” He smiled, tired and sad but honest, as Lex turned his arm to run his lips over the scene. Sunlight glinting off of dark water. Hues of red and orange amidst the black and blue. “I remembered it though. So I used it. To cover up the scars from one of the procedures.”

“You draw these yourself?”

“Yeah. All of them. Sometimes I put them on myself, too.”

“And this?” Lex ran his hand along the block of script on his hip. He couldn't read it and it didn't look like any language he ever saw.

Kaidan smiled and rolled so Lex could see it better. “An asari team of archaeologists found some ruins on this dead planet. Scary fucking place. My current Master heard rumors that it wasn't Prothean ruins and maybe some kind of humanoid race. She sent me to deal with the asari and gather what I could of the data.”

“What was it?”

“I don't know. They didn't have too much to show for the weeks they had been there. A bunch of unexplained occurrences kept fucking with their schedule. They did translate some artifacts, though, using similar languages. This was on a tablet they were studying.”

“What does it say?”

“A very loose, choppy translation? It says, _'In war, victory. In peace, vigilance. In death, sacrifice.'_ ”

Lex considered that. It had a nice, if somber ring to it. He bent to run his lips across it. Kaidan hummed, moving lower on the bed for easier reach. Lex didn't think he would ever tire of tasting him. When he pulled away he noticed Kaidan's cock was waking up from all of his touches and kisses. He only bent to briefly nuzzle and kiss before coming up to face him once more. Finally, he worked up his courage to touch the red flower at his throat.

“And this?”

Kaidan sighed, running a hand over his face and hair. This was a sore topic. Lex could tell in the way he stiffened, eyes focusing on anything but him. He grabbed his hand and was relieved when Kaidan squeezed his fingers.

“I think... It's the only real memory I have from before Cerberus. It could be anything. A flower in the garden at my house—if we had a garden. Or some gaudy pattern on my mother's dress. All I know is, when I think of home and my family, before that fucking wall comes up, I see this in my head.” He motioned toward the artwork. Lex slid closer, sheets tangling around them tighter, and kissed each petal.

_When this is over, we'll find out. We'll make it right._ Now wasn't the time for promises. For declarations—because that's what it would be if he didn't keep those words tightly locked behind his teeth. Kaidan was simply not ready for that. So, instead of charging in where he might terrify his lover he only kissed Kaidan and used the last little time they had before they had to return to the mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it finally happened. Lex and Kaidan. I didn't want to keep with the canon and make their first time together in the hours before the suicide mission. I think it's realistic (for this story) that they would both wait to make a real move on each other after their loyalty missions. Kaidan trusts him more after he was able to put to rest a very dark part of his past (that Lex helped him with,) and Lex could finally focus entirely on Kaidan now that his former relationship was officially over.
> 
> I had to add the Shadow Broker mission because I love that mission. Hope everyone reading enjoyed that. I've been looking forward to writing that. Also, I hope the sex scene wasn't overly smutty. I hope it didn't mess with the overall vibe of the story.
> 
> And, I hope everyone enjoyed the little reference to Dragon Age. Ever since I first played the first game and heard a scientist thank the Maker, I have been waiting for the chance to connect Mass Effect and Dragon Age. You guys don't even know. :)
> 
> Anyway, hope you all enjoyed this installment! Come say hey on my [tumblr](http://zharvolk.tumblr.com/)!


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is nearing the end. I'm sorry if it seems really disjointed. That's what I was going for. You'll see...

**Chapter Thirteen**

It was one of the rare moments when Kaidan wasn't hiding beneath Engineering. His datapad lay abandoned on a far table as he busied himself with something at the counter. Lex smiled and made his way across the mess area, making sure he was heard. It was just the two of them. Though, even if they weren't alone Lex wouldn't have gave a damn. He wrapped his arms around Kaidan from behind and looked over his shoulder. A snack. Just a few high-calorie protein bars and a steaming cup with a tea bag steeping. Kaidan pushed back into his hold, a slight grind to his hips.

Only a day before they had spent a few hours on Illium. Lex could hardly believe it. Really only a few hours ago he had this man all to himself in a soft bed. Now it felt like years since he last touched him. He was going through withdrawals. Kaidan turned in his hold and then they were making out like hormonal teenagers. Just as Kaidan unbuckled Lex's belt and slid the zipper down on his pants—and Lex would have let him do whatever he wanted right in the middle of the goddamn kitchen—an alert pinged from his omni-tool.

“Shit.” Lex pulled away after a few more kisses.

Kaidan grabbed onto his belt, keeping him close. “What is it?”

“A few things.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair to put it once more into a somewhat orderly state. “Grunt needs to talk to me ASAP. Chambers told me both Thane and Mordin are looking for me. Anderson sent me a file I need to get back to him on. And Miranda is threatening violence if I don't sit down with her and go over a few mission reports.”

“Sounds like you're pretty busy.”

Lex's agreement and on-coming rant turned into a shaky gasp as the biotic leaned in to bite at his neck and slip a hand into his pants to give his dick a squeeze. Below the sound of blood pounding in his ears he heard Kaidan laugh as he grabbed him by the thighs and hoisted him onto the counter. He took Kaidan's hands, tangling their fingers together.

Lex breathed in and pressed his forehead against Kaidan's while willing his body to calm the hell down. “Today's gonna suck so bad.”

Kaidan's laughter was a cruel, smoky sound that was breathed into his ear. “You know where to find me, Alexis, if you decide to slack off.”

“Tonight.” He leaned in to nip at his lips. “Come up to my cabin tonight.”

“No.” Kaidan kissed him before sliding off the counter with food and tea.

“What? Why not?” Lex's hands twitched the further Kaidan walked away. He had to fight the urge to forget what he had to do for the day and just drag him into the nearest corner. Mission be damned.

“Not up there. Not in the Captain's quarters.”

Something in his tone made Lex not question his request. “Alright. Where? We don't exactly have time to make a stop at a hotel.”

He leveled dark eyes at him, intentions clear. “You know where to find me.”

Lex laughed and shook his head as he leaned against the counter. “You'd rather we be on your rickety cot? With cameras watching every minute?” When Kaidan only shrugged he added, “It might be late by the time I'm done.” He'd hoped if that happened Kaidan could have used his bed for sleeping. Get some proper rest.

“I'll be up.” Kaidan took a sip of his tea before turning for the exit.

Lex sighed again, shaking off the remnants of his desire before he made his rounds for the day. That man was going to be his willing downfall.

* * * * *

The day _had_ sucked. It was in the middle of the sleep cycle by the time he left the War Room and went by the lab but he got everything done. For the day. Helping Thane, and his son, wasn't the hardest thing he'd ever been asked to do. Compared to what was up next on his agenda, it had all been rather easy. They were on their way to Tuchanka. Not only did Mordin have some business there but it looked like they needed Wrex's help. Grunt was afraid he was sick and Lex was more than willing to take the young krogan where he needed to go if it helped him. ETA wasn't for another eighteen or so hours. He should be getting some sleep. Who knew what could happen between here and there? Still, he wouldn't be able to get one wink of rest if he tried laying in his bed. Alone. Not after such an invitation earlier.

He was beneath Engineering before he could consider the consequences.

Kaidan said he would be awake but nothing prepared him for what was waiting. All that tanned skin and hard muscle. A warm, glowing red beneath the lights. Kaidan kept his eyes on him, beckoning him closer, as he stroked himself. He must have been at it a while. An all-over sweat covered his body and made him glisten under the lights. Hard and full and ready. The noises that fell unabashedly from Kaidan's mouth sounded pained and desperate. Lex undressed as he made his way to the cot.

His knee came down onto the cot and Kaidan reached up to tangle fingers in his shiny “new” dog tags to pull him the rest of the way down. He shuddered into the kiss as Kaidan moaned. It was nice to know he wasn't the only one that had looked forward to this moment. However, Lex's movements faltered as he couldn't shake the feeling of being exposed and vulnerable. Watched. He knew there were cameras set up in various places around the ship, including this dark corner. This footage would be a part of EDI's archives. Anyone with the right clearance would have access.

Kaidan instantly noticed the change in him and knew why. He smiled and continued his steady rhythm as he rocked their hips together.

“You really are the ultimate Good Soldier.” Kaidan's teasing wasn't meant to hurt like when they first met. He kissed Lex and sped up their movements. “Paragon of fucking Virtue.”

Lex laughed and held him closer. He couldn't help keeping his voice down. “It's hard to forget years of training, Kaidan. Hard to ignore how unethical this is.” That didn't stop him from grinding against him and kissing along his shoulder. It wouldn't stop him from pulling away.

“This isn't Alliance, Alexis. And you're definitely not the first person here to fuck around in a restricted area of the ship.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. You'd be surprised. And the vibrations from the core are too tempting to not take advantage of.”

“What? Wait. I don't want to know. Don't ever tell me.”

Their laughter became louder, gasps and moans no longer hushed. Soon Lex forgot about the cameras and the potential viewers. He didn't care. Kaidan made him not care about anything other than the way the biotic felt, the way he tasted, the different sounds he could pull from him.

He was too worked up to drag it out like they did on Illium. All day he thought about Kaidan, remembered what it felt like to forget the horrors that hunted them all. He found himself drifting away at meetings at the memory. The fatigue and worries that plagued him from the day vanished and Lex decided to ignore the voice inside him telling him to walk away, to get some sleep before the next nightmare inevitably found him.

With the slightest nudge Kaidan rolled onto his stomach. Lex scooted down until he was where he wanted to be, though he was now kneeling on the cold floor. He grabbed the globes of Kaidan's ass to spread him wide. Kaidan must have known what he had in mind because he groaned and his body trembled with an all-over shiver. Soft pleading rose up into the darkness. Lex was more than happy to oblige. He had to hold him down after a few minutes. Kaidan ground his hips alternately against the cot and his face. Lex pressed deeper, tongue working and fingers searching until Kaidan sobbed his frustration.

“Just fucking do it. Alexis.”

Lex panted as he came up over him, hands shaking as he grabbed Kaidan by the hips and biceps. He sank his teeth into his shoulder as he thrust into him. Kaidan snarled, hips moving immediately in answer. Beneath them the cot swayed and creaked. Lex was afraid it would finally collapse under their considerable weight but wouldn't stop or slow down. He leaned up, pressing Kaidan down and thrust harder. It didn't take them long. With just a few rough jerks of his hips Kaidan bellowed into his pillow. Lex wasn't too far behind, slumping on top of him after he finished. As he caught his breath and his eyelids grew heavy, he smiled as arms came up to wrap around his.

Stuffed between the wall and Kaidan, on a rickety cot under standard-issue blankets, Lex fell asleep in the arms of his psychotic biotic. Another restful cycle.

* * * * *

He told himself he would stop, stay away. At least for a few cycles. He told himself this was not going to become a habit and it would no longer interfere in his duties as Commander. This would not happen all the time. He was a grown man with a job to do and obligations. Now was not the time to be selfish. There could be no distractions.

But then Tuchanka happened.

The danger. The adrenaline. The fucking Thresher Maw. It wasn't the first time Lex encountered one of the strange beasts and, unfortunately, it probably wouldn't be the last. Lex would never forget the first time he saw one. His entire unit walked right into its hunting grounds and he was the only one that walked away. It took him a long time to get over that, to ignore the comments by other soldiers, to finally let himself believe that he wasn't cursed or belonged with the dead.

This time was different. He was stronger, faster—smarter. He had Grunt. They had the power of a fucking Arc Projector at their disposal. The beast was slain. Grunt proved he was a fine representation of his species when he didn't just survive the Thresher's attack but fucking fried the damn worm. Wrex was proud and perhaps a bit wistful over the whole thing. It was a reason to celebrate and nobody partied like the krogan. There was still something in the air long into the night. A high from Grunt's victory. Lex didn't make Grunt return to the ship just yet and even stayed planet-side with him and his new clan, celebrating with the rest of them.

Eventually he returned to the Normandy. With adrenaline still coursing through him and a good amount of ryncol burning in his veins, Lex stumbled about until he was on his way to Engineering.

He told himself this wasn't going to become a habit. It was best to distance himself, for his own safety and the mission. One look from Kaidan and he was done. Danger. Adrenaline. Pleasure. If Lex felt high in the aftermath of Grunt's rite, he was fucking soaring under the weight of Kaidan's amused gaze. They didn't even make it to the biotic's stupid cot this time. The table-desk eventually buckled beneath them and they spent the rest of the time chasing their climax on the unforgiving floor. Kaidan's laughter echoed up to the level above, Lex was sure.

_“Commander?”_

Lex cracked open an eye to see the glow of EDI from the interface by the bottom of the stairs. Silently he slipped from his place draped over Kaidan. He kissed his shoulder and Kaidan only squirmed deeper into the blanket and the warmth Lex left behind in his place on the cot. EDI disappeared when he passed, reappearing when he came to the console a floor above.

“What is it, EDI?” He cleared his throat, voice rough from sleep and heavy drinking.

_“Admiral Hackett is on the line and demands a private conversation with you.”_

For a moment he nodded and then remembered EDI might not pick up on those kinds of gestures yet. His eyes wanted to slide closed. It was entirely possible he could fall asleep standing up in the hall right then. “Alright. Tell Hackett I'll take his call in my quarters.”

_“Yes, Commander.”_

Lex spent the elevator ride up to his room waking himself up. He was already halfway to his quarters when he realized he talked to EDI, found the elevator and started his ascent before he noticed he was only wearing boxers. Coffee. Coffee was definitely a priority. His first mug was almost finished before he collapsed into his desk chair in a rumpled sweatshirt. As soon as he accessed his personal profile, the screen alerted him to a call on hold.

“Sorry for the wait, Sir.”

Hackett appeared on-screen, impeccable and calm as ever. _“No need to apologize, Shepard. I realize the inconvenience of the hour but I couldn't wait for your day cycle to start.”_

Lex stiffened, posture straightening and automatically readying for a fight. “I take it something serious has happened.” Was it earth? Had there been another raid by the Collectors? Was it the Reapers? Or was the Alliance finally taking a stand against him and officially naming him a traitor?

_“I'll get right to the point. I need your help. Call it a favor.”_ An alert sounded as a bundle of files appeared in his inbox. _“I've sent you the information you'll need and I'll answer most questions you may have.”_

The files contained information on a woman. Doctor Amanda Kenson. Middle-aged. Scientist at Arcturus University. Lex paused in his reading. Her named seemed familiar and in a moment he remembered why. She was the one who discovered most mass relays predated the Protheans. Last he heard, she was leading a team to study correlations between her findings and the Reapers.

“She found something, didn't she?”

Hackett sighed and for a moment Lex could see how much strain the man was under. _“It's more complicated then that, I'm afraid. And not the reason I need your help.”_

“This isn't about the Reapers?”

_“Not entirely. For the past year and a half, Amanda has been in non-Alliance or Citadel space studying relays and other alien technology in hopes of learning more about the Reapers. She was last working in batarian space, Shepard. Recently, she was arrested for terrorism and is being held in a batarian prison. That's where you come in. I need you to infiltrate the prison and get her out—without causing a major incident.”_

“She's a scholar, a scientist. Can't be too much of a threat. The Alliance can't pull some strings to get her out?” When Hackett only kept silent Lex wanted to scream and hide in his bed. “She's not just a scientist.”

_“Amanda is one of our best operatives and has been in deep cover for years. This mission—the location alone—was high-risk from the beginning but she is more than capable. However, her last message claimed she found a Reaper artifact and evidence of an invasion that could happen at any moment. We need the information she uncovered, Shepard. There is no time to go through official channels. And I will not leave her to rot in some alien prison.”_

“Alright, Sir. I'll do it.”

Hackett's relief was visible for only a moment before his emotions closed off once more. _“If you do this, there are some stipulations you must agree to first.”_

* * * * *

“No.” Garrus didn't even wait to hear the end of what all Lex had to say.

“Hell no.” At least Jacob let him finish.

“We don't have time for this.” It was an old argument, but Lex could tell Miranda was hiding her worry and apprehension behind it.

“ _Fuck that_.” Kaidan hadn't said a word until then. He remained silent and still all while Lex told his crew what he and Hackett discussed only a short time before. Now Lex could tell he was angry as he paced around the War Room.

“Kaidan—”

“No.” Kaidan stopped moving to look at him and shook his head. “Just. No. Fuck.”

“I don't like it, Shepard,” Garrus said after nodding to Kaidan like he understood his clipped responses.

“Doctor Kenson has information on the Reapers.”

“You don't know that for sure.”

“Hackett has complete faith in her. She's an experienced and seasoned operative. If she says she has information, Hackett says she has information.”

“Yeah?” Kaidan piped up once more, stance defensive. “And what's his Alliance doing for her then? What are they doing about the Reapers? Hell, what are they doing about the Collectors?”

Lex didn't want to answer him because he knew it wouldn't help his argument. “The Alliance's official position is that the Reapers don't exist, let alone are an immediate threat.” As he expected, everyone in the room made exasperated and disbelieving noises, either at the Alliance or Lex he couldn't say.

“Even so, why would they leave any of their men behind?” Jacob asked.

“Let them handle this, Shepard. Please.” Garrus was now growing almost as agitated as Kaidan.

“They can't do it themselves. To keep peace with the batarians, the Alliance is not taking any official action. This is just a friend of Kenson's asking a favor.”

“So you can be their scapegoat,” Kaidan spat.

“It's not like that!” Lex didn't always agree with the Alliance, especially in the aftermath of Sovereign, but he would never believe them capable of such manipulation.

“Yes it fucking is! Alone. Hackett wants you to go in alone. To hostile space, into an alien prison _that you have no fucking business going into_ because if it all goes to shit—it's on you!”

“It's not the first time I've broke someone out of prison, Alenko!”

“And you had help with that, you bastard! Something that the high and mighty Alliance is going to keep from you!”

Miranda tossed the datapad with Hackett's files onto the conference table. “We can't stop you and we can't change your mind about back-up. There really isn't anything left to say. The faster you get this done, the faster we are to getting back on track. I hope Hackett appreciates that. I'll give Joker the coordinates for Aratoht, Commander.”

She brushed by him on her way out and that seemed a signal for everyone's departure. Kaidan was the only one left, leaning his elbows on the table and rubbing his temples. He looked up when Lex stood beside him and shook his head. There was no humor in his laugh. His smile a nauseous grimace. Haunted shadows darkened his eyes.

“They'll use everything of you up until there's nothing left, Alexis. I would know.”

“They're not Cerberus.”

“They're close enough. Let them deal with it. The Alliance has barely helped you—the galaxy—prepare for the Reapers or investigate the Collectors and now they want you to risk your life for them again? They can go fuck themselves.”

“It's just another mission, Kaidan. Just another mission for me.”

Lex reached out and as soon as his hand made contact with Kaidan's shoulder he was yanked closer. Kaidan bit and sucked at his bottom lip. His hands clawed at his body. The taste of blood flooded his mouth but Lex's hold on him only tightened.

* * * * *

Lex stood stiff and military-precise. It was all he had left. His mind and body instantly fell back on his training. He would have taken some twisted form of comfort from that if he wasn't so numb, hollow. Starving and bruised. Aside from the cuts and bruises, one would never be able to tell Lex was barely holding himself together. Over the signal he heard an alert sound. It would be a report of the incident on Aratoht and Kenson's base. The hologram of Hackett looked over something on a datapad but put it down after only a moment.

_“I'm not going to read the reports just yet. I would rather hear it from you.”_

Before he started, Lex asked the only thing that mattered to him. “Were there any survivors?”

_“A few thousand. Surveillance ships out in batarian space saw the asteroid on a collision course with the relay and a few stations and planets started evacuation. But no one really knew what would happen if a relay was destroyed...”_

“How many, Sir?”

_“The explosion damaged nearly the entire system. As many as 300,000 or more casualties have been estimated.”_

Lex felt like he could collapse on the floor of the War Room and never get back up. “I tried. I tried to get word out, to warn them, but Kenson and her team stopped me. There was no reasoning with them. By then, there was nothing left of Kenson and the others except their devotion to the Reapers.”

_“And you say Saren and Matriarch Benezia were under the same sort of control? You're sure this was a Reaper's influence?”_

“Harbinger.”

_“The Reaper you encountered on Horizon?”_

“Yes, Sir. The artifact Doctor Kenson was studying... It was like a beacon, a transmitter. It allowed for the Reapers to influence Kenson and then communicate once she became enthralled. Harbinger opened communication with me as it did on Horizon—by possessing a Collector, a general in their forces, and spoke through it.”

_“What did it have to say?”_

“It wants us to prepare for surrender. Harbinger wants us to think we have no choice, that the Harvest is inevitable. All my efforts are useless. The lives we lost were for nothing.” Lex swallowed the bile rising in his throat. “It was fucking _gloating_ , Sir.”

Hackett sighed and massaged his forehead as if pushing an on-coming headache away. _“Christ, this is bad. It took almost an entire fleet to destroy Sovereign. As we are now, the Alliance won't be able to put up much of a fight against the Reapers if they attack.”_

“ _When_ they attack, Sir. What happened with the Alpha relay—that only bought us a little more time. The Reapers are still coming and they will find a way to get here.” Harbinger's words echoed in Lex's mind and he had to clench his fists behind his back to keep himself from visibly showing any anxiety in front of the admiral.

_“Of course. You know that. Anderson knows that. I know that. It's taking us some time convincing the bureaucrats, but we're getting there. It's a damn shame what happened to Amanda, but I think this will go a ways in showing them the threat is real and near. There wasn't a more level-headed, by-the-book operative then her. To turn like she did... It's unthinkable. I'll do my best to get them to see what's at stake if we don't prepare. In the meantime, you still have my support and any resources I can get you for your mission against the Collectors. Get the job done, Commander. By any means necessary. But I expect you to answer the call to Earth when this is over, in full dress blues.”_

“Sir?”

_“I know what happened out there. I know you would have sent a warning if you could have, but the fact remains that there are a lot of dead batarians after humans slipped into their space. This could start a war that no one can afford right now. If we want any chance against the Reapers, we need to be united across the galaxy.”_

“And I'm the one to take the fall and keep the heat off the Alliance.” Lex felt sick. If he had anything in his stomach he would have emptied it onto the floor.

_“If it were up to me, you'd be given a goddamn medal, Commander. The loss of life is a tragedy, but your actions saved trillions of others. However, the batarians will want someone to answer for this, regardless of why it happened.”_

Lex felt faint and hoped his voice came through on Hackett's end. “Very well, Sir. When this is over, when the Collectors have been dealt with, I will turn myself in to the Alliance.”

_“Thank you. It's good to see Cerberus hasn't corrupted your honor. This will be mainly ceremonial. The evidence against you shouldn't hold up in court, but it'll help if you come willingly.”_

“Yes, Sir.”

_“Keep me updated, Commander, and good luck.”_

Hackett's image faded out. Lex stood staring at the empty space. He took a moment to gather his thoughts, calm his racing heart. Two days he spent as Kenson's prisoner. Drugged, starved, scared. This was not how he saw things ending when Hackett first asked for a favor. So much loss. So much death. Harbinger at the end of everything and laughing at his futile efforts. It was a fucking nightmare.

Finally, he gathered enough will to move. The ship was silent. After the rescue his crew crowded around him, wanting to know if he was alright, if he was hurt. Lex almost had a breakdown then and there. Miranda and Garrus herded everyone away to give him space. He hadn't seen anyone since and they all must have retired for the sleep cycle.

Lex managed a bite or two of a protein bar and a few sips of water before making his way to Engineering. The thrum of the engines was soothing. A familiar comfort to his raw nerves. He needed more. He needed something to ground him. When he reached the area below he took one look at Kaidan and knew he would find nothing of the sort there. Kaidan took him in from his seat. Silent. Watching. Taking in every bit of broken spirit Lex had been desperately hiding since his return.

“Your Master finally finish disciplining you for your failure, I take it.”

“Fuck you.” It came out dry and brittle and from deep down inside him. Lex felt like someone had scraped his insides out. Like Kaidan ripped every piece of everything he had left apart when he sneered and shook his head in disgust. Kaidan came to stand before him. There was nothing good in the way he looked at him. Those dark eyes seemed black like the void of space and just as cold. But his touch was gentle as he used just his fingertips to trace every single cut and bruise he received when he was fighting for his life at Doctor Kenson's base.

“Like I said before: use up everything until you're gone. Look what they've done to you.” His touch ghosted over the cut on his lip before his hand fell away. “I can't do this.”

“What?”

“What are we even doing, Alexis? Why even fucking bother?”

“What are you saying?” Lex reached out to settle his hand against his hip, thumb moving to brush where he knew his tattoo hid beneath the denim of his jeans.

Kaidan stepped back and finally his calm front began to crack. His fingers twitched before he pressed them into his thighs. “I don't want to deal with you or your shit when I don't even want to deal with my own. So let's just stop kidding ourselves with whatever it was we thought we were doing and get back to the fucking job.”

“If that's what you want.”

“Yeah, it is.” Kaidan's eyes flashed blue and he slumped down on his cot, head in his hands. He looked up and Lex saw his face twist into something raw and pained before anger covered it. “So, Commander, can you fuck off now? I'd like to get at least a few hours of sleep before the next goddamn crisis.”

He should have fought him. He should have tried to change his mind. He didn't. Lex made his way to his quarters numb. He wasn't tired. He wasn't hungry. He wasn't hurting more than even when he ended things with Idir. He should have felt all these things, but he didn't. There wasn't anything anymore. There wasn't anything left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so many problems with Arrival. Don't worry, I won't get into it here. :) However, since I've been continuously getting into Lex's head and exploring his feelings and psyche as the mission progresses, I had to include something. I didn't want to focus on the mission itself, the action. I wanted to show a glimpse of the beautiful calm right before and the horror after.
> 
> So now the end game is upon us. Lex is slowly unraveling and he doesn't know if he and Kaidan will drag each other down into the void. We'll see. :) I hope everyone reading enjoyed this!
> 
> Come say hey on my [tumblr](http://zharvolk.tumblr.com/)!


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No matter where he turns, it seems darkness is the only thing waiting for Lex.

**Chapter Fourteen**

_“Hello, Commander. I was told you wished to speak with me.”_

“I've been trying to get a hold of you for weeks.”

_“I apologize. You're not the only one conducting business across the galaxy.”_

The problem with the Illusive Man was that it was hard not to like him. He was charming, charismatic. His gentle voice calmed fears and settled arguments. It was easy to forget he ran an organization many, including himself, considered a terrorist threat. Lex was positive he was about to hear some more excuses and lies and he still found himself liking the guy. Also, he didn't think for one second his employer was finally taking the time to answer his call. The Illusive Man wanted something from him, something else.

“I'm sure you know why I've been so eager to catch a moment of your time.”

_“The information Mr. Renault found? The strange station that might be a Reaper?”_

“Yes. He suspected there was a connection with Cerberus.”

 _“It's possible. There are too many cells within the organization to keep an eye on them constantly, but it wouldn't surprise me if Cerberus was conducting more research. Even the Alliance seems to be dabbling in Reaper technology.”_ Lex ignored his last comment. If the Illusive Man expected him to show any emotion over his last mission for Hackett, or surprise to know that he was aware of it, he would be disappointed. He took a long drag on his cigarette and studied Lex for a few silent moments.

_“Mr. Renault's information might be connected to what I have to tell you. We intercepted a distress call earlier. A turian patrol engaged in combat with a Collector ship lurking in the Korlus system. The turians died fighting, but not before crippling the ship.”_

“That's not what Idir's research was pointing to.”

_“The fact is, Shepard, we don't know what his research uncovered, or if it was anything to do with your current mission. There isn't enough information. That's why you're going to go to this Collector ship yourself. Find the missing information we need. We won't know until you get out there, Commander.”_

Lex chose not to argue any further and focused on the latest task. It didn't sound quite right. “A turian patrol ship was able to damage a Collector ship?”

_“Enough to where its drifting in space. In case the thing's just repairing itself, you should move fast.”_

“Won't a turian fleet be on its way?”

_“It would be, and will eventually, but we intercepted the distress call and have been feeding them false information since to buy more time for us.”_

“I don't think they're the only ones you're giving false information.”

_“Think what you want. My information is always good.”_

“Very well. We'll look into this.”

He sent Joker the coordinates needed and had EDI send out a mass alert for his crew to meet him in the War Room. As he waited, he focused on breathing and gathering the fraying control over his temper. Lex was growing beyond tired of people treating him like a tool for whatever they wanted. A part of him—the scarred, glowing, angrier part of himself—wanted to laugh at his sudden problem with authority. Wasn't that his job? Wasn't this what he dedicated himself to? Protect. Serve. For so long his life had been about following orders. He honestly couldn't remember the time before when he was completely his own man. By the time his crew poured into the room his temper was tucked away and what was left of his scars were no longer burning so hot.

He didn't have time to wallow and complain. They had a job to do.

“Any questions,” he asked after his crew was filled in on The Illusive Man's current lead.

“Board a Collector ship? Get on it and wander around?” Kasumi squirmed for only a moment from her perch atop the table. She wouldn't refuse if he asked her along, but he knew she'd rather do anything else. He couldn't blame her after what happened on Horizon.

“Yes, but Mordin's had time to work on repelling seekers. We won't run into those problems this time. Right, Mordin?”

“Yes, Commander. Have perfected the seeker shields. Will hold up longer than before,” Mordin said and his words took some of the tension from the room.

“This came directly from the Illusive Man. I want you suited and ready for anything, Lawson.”

“Yes, Commander.”

“Bring all your toys, Garrus.”

“Of course, Shepard.”

“We don't know what we'll find when we board. I want everyone else on standby for possible assistance or retreat.” With that he dismissed them.

Miranda didn't question why he wanted her on the field yet again. If Jacob wasn't joining him, the last missions pulled Miranda from her desk work and duties on the Normandy. No one questioned. Lex was sure they all noticed Kaidan's lack of presence beside him but thankfully he never heard a word. That was yet another thing about a non-Alliance ship Lex appreciated.

Perhaps the disinterest was wishful thinking on his part. As the Normandy made its way to the Collector ship's coordinates, Lex looked over his equipment in the otherwise empty Armory in what he thought would be a peaceful last hours before the mission. A steaming cup of coffee slid closer to him and he looked to find Garrus checking over his own arsenal beside him.

“Garrus.”

“Shepard.”

Garrus hardly ever did inventory or repairs in the Armory, preferring to do all upkeep himself and in his own space. It made Lex suspicious. The silence lasted only a few seconds more before he found what this was all about.

“What happened with you and Kaidan?”

“Several things, are you asking about something specific?”

Garrus' mandibles twitched and fluttered before flattening once more against his jaw. It made Lex smile. He knew Garrus hated when he was purposely vague. It made Garrus all the more direct. “You hardly speak to each other anymore, unless it's to talk about a mission. You're no longer having sex, either.”

“No, we're not.”

“Why is that? You two were basically mates.”

Lex snorted at the thought. “We were never that. That kind of thing won't ever happen with Kaidan.”

“You're good for him,” Garrus said quietly as he refitted his rifle's scope.

“It was destined to fail.”

“You don't really believe that.”

Lex finished checking his pistol and made for the exit. He turned to Garrus when a hand gently gripped his shoulder. He took a slow, steadying breath before turning to hold Garrus' gaze. “We're not bringing this up again, Garrus. Fine. I thought things would end differently—I didn't think they would end, to be honest. But that's the kicker. There should never have been a beginning. I forgot where we are, who I am, who he is. What we had, what we were building, it's broken. He's broken and I can't even fix myself, let alone Kaidan. There is no hope for us. Maybe in another life it would have been different. But we'll never know and we can't try now. There's just no time for us.”

He left before anything more could be said. They were about to board a goddamn ship belonging to the galaxy's bogeymen. Nothing else should distract him. Lex ran through breathing exercises on his way to the hangar to calm his nerves and clear his head. By the time he arrived, nothing was in him but plans for what needed to be done next. Nothing but the mission.

* * * * *

Lex didn't want to go in there. At all. Not one fucking step.

The closer they came the more everyone behind Joker's seat really grasped how large the Collector ship was. It could block out the sun. It could abduct whole colonies. Joker sidled right up to it, locking in place.

“Not trying to sound like I have no faith in my species, but I have no idea how a turian ship took this thing out,” Garrus said as they waited for the light over the docking chamber to turn green.

Miranda shrugged but gave the ship one last nervous glance before facing forward. “Maybe something else crippled it before the fight with the turians.”

Lex didn't join in their speculation. Honestly, he didn't care. It had been a while since his last big assignment, his last time on the field with a support team. He hoped this job would go right. If he got out of this, got his team and ship through and away from here without a major fucking disaster he would call it a win. No surprises. No dire fucking tragedy. That's all he asked.

The Normandy slid smooth as silk into docking. Red lights and warnings for stand-by switched to green and permissions to step through. Lex forced the apprehension building in his gut to settle and led his team through.

Silence and darkness met their arrival. The beams from their scope and pistol lights revealed dingy, alien hallways. The walls were covered in a strange coating, the air full of dancing motes of dust. The further they explored, the more he felt something was about to jump out for him from the shadows.

_There is no residual heat from any kind of engines, Commander. All drive cores are cold._

EDI's voice came over their comms and settled Lex further, but her information troubled him. “This ship has been floating for a while. Any damage readings, EDI?”

_None that I have found, yet. There is no damage to the hull. I have found an access node to connect with the Collector database. I will begin extraction of files now._

“Do it fast. When you're finished, disengage from docking and pull back. Send a shuttle to wait for us. I don't like this. If something's wrong, we need the Normandy at a safe distance.”

_Yes, Commander. We will do as ordered, however, we will stay as close as possible to establish a link with the systems._

“Fine.” He didn't like it, but he didn't like feeling so disconnected from his ship more.

They turned down a corridor and came to a large opening. Light brightened their surroundings from somewhere far above them. Their pace slowed as they took in the Collector's ship.

“Charming,” Garrus said as he came to stand beside him.

Miranda came further into the room, curiosity beating out her nerves. “This is...” The cavernous interior left her speechless. “Does anyone else feel like we're inside an ant hill?”

“It does feel very hive-like,” Garrus agreed.

_I have finished scanning the ship's schematics. Locations of interest have been sent to your omni-tools._

“Thank you, EDI.” Lex adjusted the grip on his pistol and continued on.

Something caught Lex's eye as they entered the next chamber. With dread settling heavy in his chest, he knelt and inspected the mass on the floor. He'd never forget the sight of one of these things.

“It's a pod.”

“Like on Horizon,” Garrus added.

Miranda knelt beside Lex, tracing a gloved hand along the thin, membranous edges. “Emptied.”

Garrus shuddered, breath hissing through his helmet ventilation. “Poor bastards, completely at the Collectors' mercy. Maybe some of them survived.”

Lex stood with his gun ready. “If any are still alive, we turn this mission into a rescue.”

Long ago Lex learned not to put too much hope into a bleak situation. It was nice to think about a positive outcome, to prepare, but he knew too much hope was most often a futile effort. A few more twisting turns in the corridors of the strange ship and Lex was proven once more right in his pessimism. He slowed as they approached a clotting pile of blood, flesh and limbs. Bodies. Dozens of dead humans thrown out like garbage.

“Why would they just leave them here? A rotting pile of bodies just laying around their ship,” Garrus asked, his tone taking on the confusion he only had when alien behavior really puzzled him.

Miranda inspected the nearest pile, three altogether, of bodies and examined what she could of one poor colonist. “These people were just pieces to them, thrown out once they were done experimenting on them.”

“Experiments?” Something cold and slick coiled at the base of Lex's spine and he shoved his increasingly dark thoughts away to think on once he was back on the Normandy.

Miranda stood and nodded to Lex, coming closer as they huddled away from the ghastly sight. “I have no idea if every colonist was used the same way, but these people here were definitely subjected to chemicals, biopsies—some have burns. I could see puncture wounds from needles and bruising where vessels were blown. The Collectors needed them to study something, that's for certain.”

They continued on. Nothing so grotesque as the test subjects were stumbled upon after that. Everything was silent. Not even the sounds of the ship settling, drifting in space.

_I have finished comparing this ship's EM signature to others we have encountered before and have found that this is the same ship from the Horizon abductions._

“The defense towers must have damaged them enough to let the turians finish it.”

“So those people...” Garrus couldn't finish his thoughts, but they all knew it was true. They were the colonists Lex wasn't fast enough to save.

“We at least stopped this ship from doing it again, Commander,” Miranda said, breaking his thoughts from what he could have done differently.

They came to a large opening at the end of the tunnel-like corridor. Lex was about to take a step forward when something fell from the ceiling, hitting the floor with a splash. Following the path it came from, he saw a thin trail of liquid hanging from above them. Clear, viscous liquid dripped all around them, oozing from cracks and crevices of the ship. They all seemed to freeze as they took in the sight. Glistening pods. Rows upon rows lined the ceiling of the ship.

“Do you think anyone made it,” Garrus asked, voice a loud rasp cutting through the silence.

“EDI?” Lex could barely choke out a sound. There were so many. So many people could fit in this one ship.

_I detect no signs of life, Commander. It is probable that any still kept in stasis died when the ship's power was lost._

“Let's get this done. There's nothing we can do for them now.”

They followed his lead, no Collectors, more pods, more caverns stretching high and far. Some were lit but thousands more lay dark and dormant, waiting to be filled. Lex estimated that entire systems could be taken and there would still be room left. A place like Earth would be the perfect place to find more subjects. Something tickled at the back of Lex's mind at the thought, a cold weight pressing down on him that he had to physically shake off to concentrate once more on the task at hand.

_“Shepard?”_

“What it is, Joker?”

_“This whole thing seems off to me. I had EDI run some tests on the Collector ship. You need to hear this, Sir.”_

_I compared the EM profile against the data recorded by the Normandy 1, as requested by Mister Moreau, and found it to be an exact match, Commander._

“This is the ship that spaced me?”

Lex must have stumbled, though he didn't remember taking a step. Garrus' strong grip wrapped around his biceps to keep him from crashing into the wall. Miranda was there instantly, watching the readings from her omni-tool as she scanned his vitals.

“So it just shows up again two years later? Hell of a coincidence,” Garrus said, mandibles twitching in agitation.

“There are no such things as coincidences. We need to do what we came here for and get out.”

_“Absolutely. None of this is adding up. Watch your back, Shepard.”_

As much as he wanted to run screaming for the shuttle, Lex pressed on. They grabbed anything and everything worth salvaging from the strange ship. He tried not to think about where the crates of human supplies came from as they passed. Finally, their surroundings began to change. Metal flooring and rooms that didn't just look like hollowed out tunnels. A strange console stood near some kind of med-bay. Lex linked up to EDI and couldn't help agreeing with Garrus as a curse clicked through his comm when they got a good look at the thing hooked up to the dead machinery.

“That's a Collector. Maybe an injured member of the party from Horizon,” Garrus guessed.

Miranda came closer to look at the strange creature, taking in the marks and cuts, the tubes and electrodes. “No. It's more likely they were experimenting on their own, as well.”

“EDI, how is the download coming? Have you figured out what they were up to yet?”

_The Collectors were running genetic comparisons between their species and humans._

“Why? Are they looking for weaknesses, similarities?”

_I cannot say anything to the reasons behind their research but I did find something else. Something remarkable._

“Which is?”

_The Collector has a quad-strand genetic structure. There has been only one other species found that has this same structure._

Miranda gasped and Lex instantly found her wide eyes behind her mask. “Protheans.”

“The Protheans didn't vanish or become extinct. They started working for the Reapers.”

_This is not a Prothean, Commander._

“But, you just said—” Garrus was beginning to sound how he did before he started shooting.

_This Collector's genes shows distinct signs of genetic tampering, rewrite. Compared to Prothean DNA, theirs have been drastically altered. Three fewer chromosomes, a reduction of the heterochromatin structure and the elimination of unnecessary sequences._

“Cleaned it up. Perfected the species for their optimal use to the Reapers,” Miranda said.

“So the Reapers just took an entire species and remade them. To fit whatever reasoning they have.” Garrus sighed and took a step or two away from the Collector.

Garrus' words triggered a memory buried deep inside Lex's brain. This was it. This was the ancient warning that waited for someone, anyone, to hear. “It's the Harvest. That's what this all means,” Lex swept his hand around them to encompass the nightmare ship full of horrors. “Thousands of years ago, the Reapers came for the Protheans. I don't know why. Maybe there were other species too, but the Protheans met whatever the criteria is the Reapers have and they took them. And they remade them into mindless slaves that only live to serve them.”

“And now it looks like humans have caught their eye,” Garrus said.

“No. We're not letting that happen. Let's grab whatever else we can before more Collectors show up, and get as far from this fucking death trap as possible.”

On their way out, Garrus stopped Lex and nodded toward a table full of weaponry. “Looks like they're studying up on human technology.” His eyes landed on a strange gun and said, “And making improvements.”

They all looked over the bits and pieces, some broken from testing and others seemed half finished. Lex's fingers traced the sleek edges of the rifle laid amidst the clutter. It was a work of art as much as it was weapon.

“It's too big,” Miranda said. “It doesn't fit a Collector's hand structure, but it would be of no use to a human, either. The kick-back alone would break someone's arm.”

Lex picked it up, checking the ammo and scope before hefting it over his shoulder. “I'm not just anyone.”

The further they went into the ship, the more anxious everyone became. If it wasn't for EDI and Joker checking in with updates every few minutes, Lex might have succumbed to a small panic attack. The ship was too big. Like a planet all on its own. How did no one ever notice such a large craft? 

Finally, a dull light shone from an opened area of the ship that spilled out from the tunnel they walked. “We've found some sort of a control panel, EDI. Stand by while we try to access it.”

“Be careful, Commander. None of this has felt right since we boarded,” Miranda said as she took up position to guard their front.

“I agree, Shepard. It's been too quiet. Aside from the human casualties, there's been no bodies. If a turian ship fought them, why have we found no dead or injured Collectors?”

Lex started pressing buttons. His anxiety spiked as that console powered up like the one in the med-bay. “Okay, EDI. This is the main console, it looks like. Establish a bridge and get anything you can. We're getting out of here afterwards.”

_Yes, Commander. Data mining in progress._

It wasn't a few minuted into their search when there came a rumbling throughout the ship. The floor lurched beneath their feet and Lex had to grab the console to keep from falling. 

_I have found something I cannot understand, Commander._

“What is it, EDI?”

_The signal the Illusive Man gave you was a trap the Collectors set._

“That makes sense. It was never a turian ship sending the distress call.”

_I do not understand. Turian emergency channels have a secondary encryption. It is corrupted. The Illusive Man knows this. It is impossible that he would believe this was a genuine distress call. This is known because it is written in Cerberus Detection Protocols. Protocols the Illusive Man wrote. I do not understand the mistake._

Lex sighed, swallowing his anger and fear as he listened to the skittering in the tunnels that was coming closer. “It's because he lied, EDI.”

_Deception. I do not understand. You are Cerberus. He is Cerberus. I do not understand this deception._

“I'll explain it when I get back. Right now I need you to finish the data mine.”

_Yes, Commander._

_“You've got another problem, Shepard. The ship is powering up. I'm getting readings of life on-board.”_

_I have yet to finish the file extraction. I am still connected to the ship._

“Finish what we came for and then ready for departure. We're coming, but I need you to be ready, Joker. I'm not losing another Normandy.”

_“Just get back here. I'm not losing another ship or commander.”_

Lex looked to Garrus and Miranda. They each nodded their agreement to their orders, readying their weapons. The skittering and strange chattering grew louder as the platform they stood on powered up and took them to another level of the ship. A sharp pain arced across his head and Lex hid away any fear or anxiety the feeling brought with it. Harbinger. It was close.

He hoisted his new rifle and checked the ammunition. Whatever happened next, at least he got to try out his new gun.

* * * * *

The Normandy was barely into warp speed when Lex stormed passed what crew joined him in the cockpit. He took as much care as necessary to not rip or damage his armor as he removed it and threw it on a bench in the Armory. Doctor Chakwas and Kelly tried to call him over, worried over the sight he must have made. Heat pulsed across his skin in time with his heart. His scars had to be flaring brightly from the way his face felt like it was splitting open. He ignored everyone and thing and made his way to the War Room.

“EDI, get me a connection to the Illusive Man.”

_Yes, Commander._

It took a few seconds longer than usual to connect to wherever the Illusive Man called headquarters. The united species across the universe may have worked towards perfecting space travel, but instant wireless communication across the stars still had some bugs to work out. Finally, the projector pinged the alert to let him know he made a connection a few moments before the Illusive Man's visage came through in a grainy hologram.

_“Shepard. It's good to see you made it out alive. Find anything of interest?”_

“What the fuck was that about?” Lex's snarl echoed around the empty room. He barely recognized his own voice, his panting breaths harsh to his ears.

_“Be angry all you want, Shepard. I deserve it and I apologize, but I do not regret my decision. The deceit was necessary. Please, extend my apologies to your crew.”_

“What could possibly justify lying to me and the people that followed me into that mess?”

_“I needed your full compliance going where you did. I needed you to be completely invested. But that's over now, Shepard. You, once again, pulled through. And we found out some vital information. Due to your efforts, we now know that the Collectors survive passage through the Omega Relay by using a highly advanced IFF device. With the information you gathered, we know each Collector ship is equipped with one.”_

“So, now all we need to do is get our hands on one.”

_“Correct. Cerberus is working on possible locations for one and I will give you more details when I have them.”_

It was a dismissal. Lex gladly accepted it. He didn't know what he would do if he stayed much longer. Before the signal ended, Lex reminded him, “I volunteered for this suicide mission. There was never a necessity to lie to me, to use what I keep close to get me to do what you want. Remember that, because that was the last time you ever pull this shit again.”

The Illusive Man watched him from behind the curling wisps of smoke from his cigarette. A small smile seemed to curve the edge of his mouth, Lex couldn't be sure. Only when he tilted his head in a slight nod of agreement did Lex cut the call.

* * * * *

It was into another day cycle when Lex noticed the time and stopped going over reports and possible strategies for the upcoming Relay run. The Normandy SR-2 was already built for optimum performance that the crew could only make a few suggestions each on how to better prepare for whatever waited for them beyond the Omega 4 Relay. Most of the additions were finished and noticeable. They had been running at nearly top speed since their escape from the supposedly dead Collector ship and were only now growing strained. But it was worth it. Lex wanted to be as far from the Collectors as possible and leave no trail to follow.

He left the War Room for the Armory to check on Jacob's latest findings on the alien weaponry. The room was empty but the piece in question still remained on the mount Jacob set it on. 

They called it the Widow.

Lex lifted it from the mount to bring to a work bench and began taking it apart for cleaning. Footsteps sounded behind him and Lex was proud of the fact that his smile didn't falter when he found Kaidan instead of Jacob.

“It's beautiful,” Kaidan said, soft tone loud in the quiet of the room.

Lex made room for Kaidan to stand beside him and smiled as he wiped down each individual piece that made up the work of art. “The best thing about going to that damn ship of nightmares.”

“Really? I heard we have intel now on how to get through the Omega 4. That doesn't even trump the gun?”

“Not really. That's all good and well, but now I have something that does serious damage against the Collectors. This right here? Blew through Harbinger like it's ugly face was paper.”

“Yeah, I heard that sack of shit made an appearance.”

“Sounds like you're up to speed on everything that happened.”

“And after.” A scrap of metal from something Jacob was tinkering with floated into the air in a haze of blue energy before it was crumpled and smashed until it was the size of an Earth's ancient dime. It fell to the bench with a clatter. “Is there anyone you haven't put your trust in that hasn't completely fucked you over and lied?”

“I've never trusted the Illusive Man,” Lex said as he finished putting the Widow's last part back in place. He turned to look at Kaidan finally. “And I can think of a few people close to me who, even with the crazy shit they've put me through, never actually lied about anything.”

Kaidan broke eye contact instantly and focused once more on the bits scattered across the bench. “People are all the same. They'll tell you anything to get you to do what they want.”

“True, but at least we learned some things. Quite a few things, actually. For instance, I now know where Kuril got his gun—directly from the Collectors. They've been experimenting not only on humans, but on human weaponry. It was probably part of payment for keeping the Collectors in steady supplies of fresh bodies over the last few years.”

Kaidan's eyes flashed blue as a tremor twitched across his jaw. His hands were perfectly steady as he picked up a plasma gun. “Purgatory was giving them prisoners?”

“Yes.” Lex came closer, voice low and only for Kaidan. “I had been looking over the prison's files since we got them. Garrus was right. The numbers never added up, even taking the guard's story into account about keeping prisoners in cryo. Nothing could explain the missing prisoners, until this last mission. People would have noticed eventually if whole, civilian, colonies kept getting abducted. However, no one would know to question the disappearance of prisoners.”

Kaidan came dangerously close to becoming another experiment. They both knew but neither man said it aloud. Lex didn't have the heart nor the stomach. He couldn't bear to dwell on the thought too long as it was, let alone voice it. Lex gave Kaidan's shoulder a squeeze before he stepped around him and left the Armory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another take on an in-game mission. I hope it wasn't boring and that I managed to put an interesting new flavor to some classic ME2 missions. Lex is spiraling a bit but I think he's managing to hold himself together well enough. :) There's just a little more left to say and we will reach the conclusion. I hope you're ready. :)
> 
> While there really is only one chapter left, I am contemplating breaking it into two. Mainly to seperate the epilogue-ish part of the final chapter.
> 
> Come visit me on my [tumblr](http://zharvolk.tumblr.com/)! We can both cry over Mass Effect together! :D


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. The end has come! I'm actually super stoked I get to upload this on N7 Day! This is a monster chapter. I didn't want to break up the last bit as an epilogue, I decided. This isn't the end, merely a pause in the story. Someone just told me in a review that Shepard is a lot like hope. Hope never truly dies. It's a lovely sentiment and I couldn't agree more. I tried to convey that with this last installment.

**Chapter Fifteen**

They were docked for repairs when the Illusive Man asked for a meeting. It was getting harder and harder to answer calls, from the Illusive Man to Anderson. Every time Lex put himself in someone's hands—his life, his body, his heart—it came back barely recognizable.

For a moment a crazy idea hit him as he sat at a small table at one of the Citadel's human-friendly cafes. What if he just left? What if he just stopped being who he was? Lex stared into the swirling steam rising off of what a hanar barista insisted was just like drinks Lex had back home, wherever that might be. What if he started over?

Tempting thoughts sputtered out when Lex closed his eyes. Terror and destruction waited for those that did nothing about the coming Harvest. Lex would fight until he died. That was the only thing he knew how to do. Even when he was down to his last bullet, his last breath. He would keep fighting. Returning to the Normandy, Lex knew he would see this mission finished.

The connection was already established when Lex entered the War Room. Adrenaline tickled along Lex's spine and he tried to prepare for whatever the Illusive Man found.

_“Hello, Shepard. I think you'll be happy to learn your friend was onto something. The station Mister Renault was gathering information on is a Reaper, and the crew is, in fact, a cell of Cerberus.”_

Lex swallowed the accusations and questions he wanted to throw at him. “Why don't you just have Cerberus hand over the IFF?”

_”I wish it was that simple, Shepard. This cell, a group of scientists and the crew they needed, were studying the dead Reaper in hopes of understanding our enemy more. The project was overseen by Doctor Chandana. However, what no one counted on was that, even an ancient shell of a Reaper affects those that come into contact with it.”_

“Idir's notes suggested that. The crew that were seen off-ship sounded similar to Saren.” The same thing that happened to Amanda Kenson and the poor bastards working for her, though, obviously, not so enthralled.

_“Yes. We call this influence the Reaper gains 'indoctrination.' It seemingly affects thoughts and behavior, even a person's health over time. Unfortunately, we don't know much more than that and that leads into our next problem. Cerberus lost contact with Chandana a few weeks ago. For once, I have no idea what has happened, or what the current status is at the site. I am afraid the team may have succumbed to indoctrination.”_

“We'll get ready and down there right away. IFF or no, leaving an indoctrinated group to their own devices is dangerous for everyone.”

Lex signed off and called for another crew meeting. Fear settled sour in his gut at the thought of going once again among those enthralled by the Reapers. He pushed it all away and took strength from the knowledge that he wouldn't be alone this time.

* * * * *

“Shepard!” Joker yelled over the Normandy's turbulence for Lex.

Lex used the door frame of the cockpit and then Joker's chair to steady himself. The closer they came to the Reaper, the more intense the pull of Mnemosyne's chaotic field of gravity. It was a choppy, jarring flight, but the Normandy had been through worse. “What is it?”

“There's a ship in one of the docks, Commander. LADAR scans are reading it as geth.”

“That could explain the lost communication from Chandana,” Miranda said as she joined Lex.

The Normandy's path to docking suddenly smoothed out, now within the Reaper's own orbit. Lex steeled his nerves and prepared his pistol with cryo rounds. Geth he could handle. It was comforting to face an old enemy and not feel the tell-tale pain in his skull from the Reaper he was about to step inside.

When the doors opened it was like a hundred other ships and stations he had stepped foot in. Human detail and architecture met their first steps. The silent corridors and buzzing fluorescent lights overhead could have been in any building on Earth. But it was all abandoned. The emptiness was made even eerier when a pair of doors slid open as they approached and Lex found the first of what would probably be many old smears of blood across the wall. Down the hall, Lex knelt to examine a naked corpse, rotted and unrecognizable from any identification it may have once carried.

Grunt sniffed the air and made an unhappy rumbling sound from behind him. “Lots of blood. But it's not right. Not the usual sweet smell your kind has.”

“This body has been here a while, Grunt,” Miranda explained.

“It's not that. I know what rot smells like.” Grunt sounded frustrated. He didn't like puzzles, complications. 

Perhaps it was because of the spooked way Grunt was behaving but Miranda leaned down to examine the body. Her humoring turned into genuine curiosity and she looked over the corpse further. “There are no bullet wounds. It looks like maybe trauma to the head and chest. I can't tell officially without a proper exam. But there is something off. The blood is a strange color and the flesh remaining doesn't feel like it should, even at this stage of decomposition.”

“Meaning?” Lex was starting to like this even less than Grunt.

“I'm not sure. It just feels.. Odd.”

“There's nothing we can do right now without further investigation. For now, we're still on alert for organic and synthetic threats.”

“Yes, Commander,” his team answered and moved once more to ready their weapons.

Lex led his team through the quiet facility. They grabbed any and all resources they could, reading and downloading what research they came across. With growing morbid fascination Lex listened to the report logs of the research group. It was obvious, to him, that indoctrination was setting in on these poor fools from the very beginning. Cold sweat tickled along his spine at the thought. How long did a person have to spend around a Reaper to be fully under their influence? Weeks? Months? How long to just start feeling the first affects? Days? Hours?

Thoughts of Bahak came to him. The cell he was kept in. The bed he had been strapped to. It had only been a few hours of being unconscious, but was that enough? Could a Reaper slink inside a sleeping, vulnerable mind? Lex tightened his grip on his pistol and hit the button on the door to let them pass through. As he crossed the threshold, the ship lurched.

“Joker? What just happened?”

_“Kinetic barriers have been put up. I can't get through on our side.”_

“They're trying to trap us?” Grunt looked happy about this turn of events and readjusted his shotgun.

Lex still didn't feel the intense pain from a Reaper's presence building in his skull. “Someone must have activated the barriers from inside. We'll shut them down. Where would those be?”

_When the barrier activated, I detected a spike in temperature in what is likely the Reaper's mass effect core. I am sending coordinates now._

“Thank you, EDI.”

_Warning: the mass effect core is also maintaining the Reaper's altitude._

_“So when we turn it off, everyone crashes and dies on Mnemosyne. Great. Gotcha, EDI. Awesome.”_

Lex laughed at the sounds of Joker bickering with the still serene voice of the Normandy's AI. “If any helmsman can save a group free-falling into a brown dwarf trapped inside an ancient alien robot, it's you.” He signed off and turned to Miranda and Grunt. “Change of plans. We make a sweep for survivors and recover any data we can. Our top priority is still the IFF. We get it and we're out.”

The interior of the facility changed drastically past that last door. Lex didn't bother trying to fool himself into thinking the barrier activating as they wandered on the edge of the Reaper's inner-most chambers was just a coincidence. It was awesome and terrifying, grasping just how large the Reaper was. The Collector ship didn't compare to the enormity of the creature and that thought was humbling and panic-inducing.

The more he saw of the Reaper, the more he learned of Chandana's research, the angrier he became. They stepped away from the latest console, the log playing over and over in his head. These scientists and crew were obviously under the Reaper's influence and Chandana, hell, the people Chandana was reporting to, could have seen that clear as day. And they only watched. Watched the increasing paranoia. Watched the climbing memory loss and delusions. Watched the growing aggression.

Cerberus did nothing. Lex's blood was on fire in his veins. His face felt like it was splitting open. Fuck Cerberus. Fuck the Illusive Man. This was why he did what he did. This is why he would always be Alliance. Loyal to the core.

There was a goddamn Reaper shell floating in space, turning peoples' brains to mush, and Cerberus was acting like it was their fucking playhouse. Just sitting on the damn thing! With help from the Alliance, Citadel space—every civilized and advanced society in the galaxy—maybe these last few years would have gone smoother. Lex passed a pile of rotting bodies and he could feel nothing but disappointment. What a fucking waste. A waste of life. A waste of resources. A waste of fucking time that Lex couldn't afford to lose.

“Shepard!” Miranda shouted out a warning and Lex turned to see a shambling form engulfed in blue light. A shotgun blast from Grunt knocked the man back over the railing.

Not a man. Dread coiled cold and heavy in his gut as he got a look at their attacker. Blue, synthetic eyes stared up at him unseeing. The Husk's mouth was frozen in a twisted scream and Lex wondered if it was like that when the unlucky bastard was thrown on the Dragon's Teeth. Scuffling came from the darkness around them. Lex lifted his pistol, the light from the scope shining along countless lurching figures. Well, now he knew where Chandana and his team got to.

A bullet from above hit an attacking Husk. Chaos broke out after that. If Lex survived the approaching horde of nightmares he would thank the shooter from the shadows.

* * * * *

_Shepard Commander_

This started because Lex wanted to bring Tali a live geth. Oh, how a few hours, moments, can change everything.

A fighter of heretics within their own species. A machine given a name, a Christian name in a way, by another machine. Logical. Curious. Brave. They wanted an alliance with Lex. So many were against Lex even allowing them to live, but he couldn't just kill them. They saved Lex on the Reaper. Lex had a feeling it wouldn't be the last time such a courtesy would be given.

They had a piece of N7 armor welded to their damaged form.

Legion. For they are many.

Lex ignored everyone on his way to the hangar. He needed to be ready for the next mission, to help his new team member. His geth ally. What a difference a day made.

He dodged Miranda and sneaked past Kelly. It was obvious they wanted to talk to him and it was obvious about what. The haunted look in his eyes couldn't quite be masked over completely. They knew what he was thinking. They knew he feared he had already been touched. They knew he had been haunted ever since Harbinger first spoke his name.

But he wouldn't admit it. He wouldn't say it out loud. Miranda was slowly becoming not so on-side with Cerberus after the shit the Illusive Man pulled on the Collector ship, but he didn't know where exactly her loyalties now laid. Lex would rather be spaced then be used as another Cerberus experiment. He would know, he had experience with both.

So he buried his fears and crazy thoughts under one last mission. Before it was time to go to the Relay. Busy meant not thinking. Busy meant not remembering. He'd help Legion because there was nothing else he could do. The only comfort he had was no longer available. And he wouldn't think about that either.

He'd help the geth. He'd stop a race from being brainwashed slaves.

Lex hoped Tali would forgive him.

* * * * *

Purple glowing liquid sloshed into the glass, spilling a drop or five across the bar top. This was his fourth. It stopped stinging after the second glass and Lex craved the burn this stuff never gave. What he would do for some ryncol! He downed the too sweet liquor before flopping onto his bed. Most of the time he hated this room. It was excessive and gaudy. But the window above his bed was a nice addition. When he couldn't sleep, when he woke abruptly in the night cycle, he would watch the stars above.

It usually brought a small scrap of peace. Watching the stars and meteors pass by did nothing now but make Lex feel even worse. He didn't deserve peace, not one moment. Not right now when the entirety of the Normandy's crew was being subjected to who knew what horrors at the hands of the Collectors.

They had all been taken, except for Joker, while he was away. Gardner. Daniels. Donnelly. Kelly. Chakwas. A hundred more all gone. How terrified they must have been when the Collectors boarded their home and they realized no one was coming to help them.

Lex took a few shuddering breaths to calm his nerves and pressed his palms against his eyelids to stop the images his mind conjured up for an extra ton of torture. He was so fucking stupid. Careless. EDI warned him about installing the IFF and he still didn't take any precautions. It was his fault. If anything happened to his crew...

Just add them to the list of the dead he was responsible for.

There came a knock on his door and Lex sighed. Now was beyond being a good time but when else would be? This was it. This was the end. Because no matter the planning, preparing and stocking up on resources, Lex knew the score. He had run from death his whole life, it seemed. It was different now. He could feel it. Like someone breathing lightly on the back of his neck. Death was done waiting for him, no matter how the day turned out.

As much as he wanted to ignore everything, shut himself away for his last moments, he couldn't. No matter how badly he fucked up, he was still Commander Shepard. He looked down at himself. Ripped jeans and an undershirt. Not standard for a possible meeting, but they were hours away from hurtling themselves into possible oblivion, so he figured he could have some slack in decorum. Lex didn't bother turning to the door and poured another drink instead.

“It's open!”

The chime sounded as the door opened and closed with a swish. Silence followed but Lex was too lost in the violet shadows of his drink to notice or question. 

“Alexis.”

To say he was surprised would be a gross understatement. This was the last thing he expected, the last person he expected, and he turned as the tightness in Kaidan's voice registered. Lex's gut twisted at the sight of him. Kaidan stayed within the door's reach. His fingers twitched at his thighs as he began to pace. Lex knew what it must have cost him to come here, up to the Captain's quarters, and everything within him ached to comfort him.

It didn't take him long to figure out why Kaidan refused to come near Lex's room. The Captain's quarters. It was a place of power, of authority. Kaidan had been at the mercy of powerful men and women before. Nothing good probably ever came from venturing into such a place. He waited for Kaidan to make a move, say his piece.

Kaidan stopped pacing, took a step forward and then two back. A sound like a whimper and a sob escaped him before he cursed under his breath. The display floored Lex. Kaidan was genuinely distraught. For once his emotions weren't faked, exaggerated.

“What is this? What the fuck is this?” His voice was hushed, scared. “Why is this happening _now_? Why do you have to matter so fucking much? I can't! Alexis, I can't..”

Lex had to touch him. Kaidan pushed him when he came close and for a moment Lex thought he might even throw a punch. He pulled him close by the back of the neck, foreheads pressing together. It hurt to see Kaidan this way. His dark eyes were scared, nearly hysterical, but there was also so much warmth in them. So much need and trust. It was a glimpse of the man Kaidan could have been.

“It's okay,” Lex whispered against his temple as he pulled him closer, running his free hand up between them to rest against Kaidan's chest. His heart raced against Lex's palm. “Just breathe, Kaidan.”

“Fuck you.” But Kaidan pressed closer, resting his head against his shoulder. “I can't do this.”

“Yes, you can.”

“I can't. I don't want this. I don't want to feel this, Alexis. Please.”

Lex finally understood what was going on, what happened. Somewhere along the way, during the fighting with and for one another, the sex and being among people who didn't want to hurt him, Kaidan started to feel something. He started to trust. He started to feel something for Lex. Kaidan felt more than sexual attraction for him and he didn't want to deal with his feelings. He probably didn't think he could feel anything real for Lex. The revelation made something warm blossom in his chest and Lex smiled as Kaidan watched him with worried eyes. It felt a lot like hope.

“You... You make me feel the same thing I clung to the first years I was with Cerberus. Before they got in my head. Fucking ruined me.”

Lex couldn't help smiling, giving Kaidan's neck a comforting squeeze. “Hope?”

“You feel like safety. I haven't felt that in a very long time.”

“Kaidan—”

“I don't want that. I can't go through that again. Just. Please.” Kaidan turned to brush his lips against Lex's. “Just let me stop feeling this, Alexis. Hurt me. Please. Use me. Fuck me.”

Kaidan didn't put up any kind of a fight when Lex threw him onto his bed. He didn't make any sort of movement when Lex climbed on top of him, pressing him down into the mattress. He never uttered a single sound as Lex pulled his clothes off. A dull acceptance filled Kaidan's eyes. It broke Lex's heart. Lex ran his hand along Kaidan's jaw, cupped his cheek and waited until Kaidan's gaze once again focused on him, on the present.

“This whole time, no matter what we did, how hard we did it, it's never been just fucking. Not for me.”

Kaidan shook his head. Tears filled his eyes but none fell. “Don't.”

“I love you, Kaidan.”

Lex whispered the words again and again. Between kisses. Against scarred, beautiful flesh. Into a gasping, greedy mouth. And when Kaidan was ready, soft and pliant, Lex told him he loved him as he pressed inside him. Home. Kaidan was home. Kaidan was solace. Kaidan was sanctuary. Kaidan was the reason he wouldn't give up and wait for the Reapers to take him.

Lex told Kaidan this. And if he still didn't believe him, he showed him in touches and kisses, in sighs and satisfaction.

After, they laid in sheets twisted and damp. Lex held him close and smiled as Kaidan's hold was just as tight. The hours were ticking away, closer to an outcome Lex couldn't guess. Sleep came finally, deep and dreamless. And when it was time to wake, they were silent as they dressed. They went together down to the cockpit. The Omega 4 Relay burned bright and menacing in the distance.

Not long now.

Before everyone left to sit through the upcoming turbulence, Kaidan stopped Lex for a kiss. It was everything he couldn't say. Not yet. Maybe not ever. Lex didn't mind.

“You better fucking live.”

Lex didn't tell him he would do his best not to.

* * * * *

They were banged up and Lex didn't even want to imagine what the Normandy looked like on the outside, but he saw his entire team had survived and were present when he scanned the crowd around him. The light above the decompression chamber was green to go. This was it. As ready as they could be.

“EDI said the likeliest place to find our crew is Main Control in the center of the base. This is also the weakest spot. It's going to be hard and we will meet heavy resistance. The best way I can ensure we all make it to Main Control is splitting us into three groups. One group will go through ventilation, disengaging locks to let us through. Tali, lead this group. This will be nothing for you to hack. Take Jacob, Kasumi, Zaeed and Grunt.”

“You got it, Shepard.”

“The second team will provide distraction in case Tali is detected. I'll lead team two, if you have no objections,” Miranda offered.

Lex smiled and gave Miranda's arm a gentle squeeze. “You're my second, XO. I couldn't ask for one finer in my absence. Take Mordin, Legion, Samara and Thane. Garrus and Kaidan, you're with me.” He looked once more at the group he helped assemble. “All of you—you are the best the galaxy could offer. From every corner of the universe, every walk of life, you are all doing something that can never truly be repaid. There are none more brave and selfless than the group standing before me. See you on the other side of this.”

Lex hit the panel for the door and then jumped down to face the Collectors, and whatever they had waiting for him.

* * * * *

It was strange here. Lex could only call it the Beyond. Beyond civilization. Beyond the Omega 4 Relay. Beyond reason. Beyond hope. The Collectors' home world wasn't really a world at all. It was more aptly described as a graveyard, to Lex. This was a place where countless voyages met their ends. On the edges of space and time, teetering on the ragged edge of oblivion. Wreckage could be seen all around them. Floating caught in the chaotic atmosphere of Omega 4. Pieces of ancient technology mixed with new.

And that didn't even cover the sight of the Collector base. Even the Collector ship they had escaped from would have been dwarfed by the structure. This thing could swallow star systems. Lex didn't want to send the other teams off, but this was why they started this mission in the first place. This was why they were all chosen. It couldn't be anyone else.

A sense of urgency flooded Lex the moment they set foot at the base. It wasn't just his missing crew. Every harsh breath Tali took that he could hear over the comm quickened his pace. The sounds of Miranda taking cover from heavy fire made the last shred of Lex's control fray.

One Collector after another fell to Lex and his Widow. He lost count of how many times Harbinger's head exploded through his scope. The bastard ignited in flame once more, the scream of a Reaper echoing in Lex's head, and he dove to open the last valve from the thermal vent Tali and her team were trapped behind. She made quick work of the door at the end of one of the Collectors' bizarre corridors. Miranda and her team met up with them just as another wave of Collectors came down on them.

Miranda ran to Tali, throwing a barrier around them. “Everyone, stay back by the doors. I'll keep them off as long as possible.”

With the extra protection, Tali bypassed the locks with little trouble. The doors closed on the approaching Collectors. 

“Never doubted you for a moment, Tali. Great work.” As Lex calmed his nerves Miranda's quiet voice came over the shrieking behind them.

“Shepard, you need to see this.”

Lex was struck speechless for a moment. It was like the Collector ship but so much bigger. He didn't think that could have been possible, but he was seeing confirmation before his terrified eyes. Star systems. Whole systems could fit here, let alone colonies. Rows upon rows of pods. This time they were all lit and sustained by the base's life support system. Miranda stood before one such pod. Inside a woman lay as if just in a deep sleep.

“It looks like maybe a colonist from Horizon,” she said.

There was a slight flicker inside the pod and the woman's eyes flew open. Lex was at the glass in an instant, trying to find a way to open the casing. “She's still alive!”

“Something's wrong,” Miranda said and Lex looked up to see she was right.

The woman began to scream and writhe around as if in pain. Her skin began to darken, take on a pocked complexion. Sores developed in seconds. Then, her flesh began to melt away.

“Get them all out now!” Lex ordered and smashed the butt of his rifle into the nearest pod. It was too late for the poor colonist but Lex saw his team pull familiar members of the Normandy's crew out of the other pods.

“You're all right. We've got you,” Kaidan whispered to Kelly as she came to, choking and sobbing in his arms. As she shook, he looked her over before nodding to Lex to let him know she was otherwise uninjured.

Lex helped Miranda ease Doctor Chakwas down onto the floor. Everyone they pulled out seemed fine. Drowsy and scared, but not showing affects of whatever killed the Horizon colonist. Chakwas came further out of whatever stasis paralysis she had been in and smiled once she recognized Lex.

“Shepard? You actually came for us.”

Lex helped her to her feet. “No one left behind, ma'am.”

“Thank the Maker you're here! If you'd been even a little later. We—I can't—” Kelly shook her head as if to block out whatever memories the Collectors had put them all through.

Chakwas came to Kelly's side and wrapped an arm around her. Even shaken and weak, she was always taking care of Lex's crew. She turned to Lex and Miranda. “The colonists were all liquefied. Those little swarming robots? They're not just used to paralyze for easier abduction. They processed the colonists and then the gray fluid they turned into was transferred through those tubes to somewhere else.” She motioned toward the inside of a pod and Lex saw the mentioned tubes feeding out of the pods to run along the ceiling.

“Why are they doing this? What could they be doing with all of this genetic material?”

“I don't know. I don't want to know, honestly. I'm just glad you came when you did.”

“As are we,” Miranda said and checked the ammo of her pistol. “But we haven't finished the mission. We need to start moving again, Commander.”

“Agreed. Joker, can you get a reading on our position?”

_“You're right under Main Control, Shepard. If you're seeing lots of tubes and wiring, you'll find where and what they lead to in there. It looks like it's blocked by a high-security door. Your best bet would be to completely bypass it altogether and get in through a side chamber that runs parallel to Main Control.”_

_Warning: thermal emissions from that chamber indicate high concentration of seeker swarms. Mordin's countermeasures will not be enough to protect you and your teams from such a large number._

Lex remembered his last run-in with the seeker swarms and it gave him an idea. “What about biotics? Could a barrier give us the protection Mordin's repellent can't, EDI?”

_If the barrier had sufficient power, yes._

“Not everyone,” Samara said, “But if a team was small enough, yes, a barrier would work.”

“I'm doing it,” Kaidan said before Miranda could offer. He smiled at her, eyes glowing blue for just a moment. “You need lots of power for a sustained amount of time. Cerberus didn't stick this L2 in me for shits and giggles, Doctor Sassy Pants.”

Miranda bit back whatever insult begged to be unleashed and instead turned to Lex. “You're going to need another team, again, to provide a distraction.”

“And you're still team leader. Joker, are you back online?”

_“Yes. If you're thinking of a pick-up for the crew, they need to get back to where you first came in.”_

“Mordin, take Grunt, Jacob, Kasumi and Zaeed with you and escort the crew back to the Normandy.”

“Yes, Shepard. Good luck.” Mordin and his team began a gentle round-up of the survivors and made their way back. Lex could only hope Harbinger stayed focused on him.

“Tali, I'm gonna need your shotgun since Kaidan will be occupied. Garrus, you know what I need from you. Everyone else, stick with Miranda.” Lex headed for the side chamber. He took a moment to ready every weapon he had, not knowing what would meet them on the other side.

“Everyone who doesn't want to be sludge, stay close,” Kaidan said before he Threw the doors open and they all became encased in a glowing blue bubble.

As they descended a dark stairwell, Miranda's voice came patchy over the comm. It sounded like everything was fine on her end, awaiting his next orders. Lex couldn't tell for sure. Static crackled and fizzled over the line. Looking into the darkness beyond the barrier he saw why. The chamber wasn't dark because of lack of lighting. Thousands of seeker swarms filled the room, setting the air buzzing with their tiny, mechanical wings. A moment of panic washed over him and he looked to Kaidan, but relaxed as he watched him lead the way. He didn't look the slightest bit fatigued.

**_“ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL”_ **

“Alexis.”

Lex calmed any of Kaidan's growing anxiety as he came to stand beside him and hoisted his Widow into position. He only had to wait a few seconds before Harbinger's annoying, glowing visage shambled into view. The moment its ugly face was clear in his sights Lex took the shot. He finished it off with fire. When it fell and didn't rise again, Kaidan looked to Lex and gave him one firm nod of his head.

A familiar shuffling and groaning could be heard beneath the drone of the seeker swarms and Lex's adrenaline spiked. “Kaidan, take cover! Keep that barrier up!”

“You just worry about those fucking cyber zombies!”

They all barely had time to fall into a defensible position. It wasn't an ideal place. They were essentially trapped on a platform, protecting Kaidan as a horde of Husks and Abominations rushed them. Lex guessed he pissed off Harbinger with that last head shot. So, it appeared it wasn't just a fate of gray goop that met the humans that came here. Genetic material or mindless monster.

Wave after wave came at them. The mangled bodies seemed never ending. Finally, Lex cleared a path long enough to use one of his last, precious, grenades and threw it right at an approaching Scion. Before he could celebrate the victory, cold dread swept over him when he looked back at his team. Everyone was in one piece. But Kaidan. Kaidan was ashen under the blue light of his biotics, sweat rolled down his temples, his chest moved with shallow breaths. He was practically crawling but still he sustained his barrier. His glare stopped Lex from any further steps toward him.

“Shut the fuck up, Alexis,” he panted out as he expanded a larger diameter of his barrier.

_“Commander?”_

“Yes, Miranda.”

_“We have reached our final position. We're here for when you come through to provide cover.”_

“Let's go then,” Kaidan wheezed and pushed forward before Lex could do anything but follow.

But what could he do? As much as he hated seeing him like this, as much as he knew Kaidan was getting closer and closer to irreparable damage, they had to press on. They had to press Kaidan.

Kaidan pushed ahead with one last burst of speed, everyone running to keep up. The door was in sight. Miranda stood by for cover, Samara providing her own barrier. Darkness grew around them as the seeker swarms thickened. Lex could see the hulking masses of Scions moving closer in the shadows.

They ran passed Miranda and her team, into safety. Behind him, Lex heard Kaidan screaming and turned to see the biotic release an enormous discharge of the pure power of element zero onto the attacking creatures. Garrus pulled Kaidan back as the doors closed on any remaining enemies and he fell to his knees. Lex crouched before him, taking his helmet off and wiping the blood running from Kaidan's nose.

“No more. Not even a goddamn Throw. Do you hear me, Alenko?”

“Just give me a second, Alexis. I'll be ready again in just a minute.”

Lex took him gently by the jaw, making him hold eye contact. “With a gun or not at all. If you can't do that, I swear I will have Thane knock you out and drag you back to the Normandy. Understand?”

Kaidan took a shaking breath. Color was already returning to his face. He took his helmet and stood, but he also readied his pistol. “Fine. But you need another biotic.”

“Agreed. Miranda, pick someone to lead your group. Tali, give them support.”

Everyone acknowledged their orders and prepared for the next fight. EDI chimed in to give a status report. Mordin got everyone back to the ship without any loss of life. Another piece of good news gave Lex that much more hope. Just maybe they could actually pull this off without dying. Miranda even seemed please, smiling as she asked EDI for their next step of the mission.

_Now that you have reached the inner workings of the base, there should be platforms in the chamber up ahead. Activate them and take them up to Main Control. Find the Collectors' main control console, overload their systems and destroy the base._

“Simple,” Lex said and signed off.

“Shepard, we have a problem!” Lex rushed over to Tali where she stood by the doors they just came through, typing continuously on the panel. “They're trying to get in. I keep engaging the locks but it's only a matter of time before they get through.”

Lex turned to everyone. “The Normandy team, aside from Mordin, should be close. With them, we can keep this spot defended while I go on ahead with a few others. This is it, people. This is where all these months have brought us to. It's not just us that we will die if we fail. This is for the entire galaxy. Those are the stakes. Failure is death and destruction for everyone else. We gave everything for this moment. We won't be the same, success or failure. But this is our moment regardless. Make it count. Make me proud. Make yourself proud. I know I couldn't have asked for a better team to face this with.”

“We'll do our best,” Tali said and Lex knew she was smiling behind her mask.

* * * * *

The tubes led them to a massive chamber. The tubes fed into... Something. Lex didn't know what he was looking at. He grasped it, the idea of it, but it was almost like his mind wasn't letting him process what he was seeing. The horrifying merging of machine and human form. Before them, held upright by churning tubes of viscous liquid, was an immense mechanical skeleton. Human yet alien all at the same time.

“What the hell are they doing, EDI?”

 _This super-structure is giving off both synthetic and organic energy signatures. Shepard..._ Something in the computer's voice sent shivers down Lex's spine. She sounded awed. She sounded afraid. _The signature readings from the synthetic energy is that of a Reaper._

“Reaper technology mixed with the thousands of human genetic materials the Collectors have gathered,” Miranda said, horror clear in her hushed voice.

“A human Reaper.”

_Precisely, Commander._

“Is it alive, EDI?”

_No, Commander. This structure is in a very early, larva, stage. To become like the Reapers encountered previously, the Collectors will require a significantly larger amount than the tens of thousands of humans they have already used._

“Why would they do this? What purpose could they have for pumping human DNA into a Reaper shell?”

 _I cannot speculate on the Collectors' reasoning without further data, Doctor Lawson. Species like the Asari look outside their own genetic coding to reproduce. This could be the same for the Reapers. Or this could be for some other purpose. However, I am now certain after receiving more data from your mission that the Collectors are only a small part of this equation, pawns in the bigger plot. Due to their genetic tampering, the Collectors could not have the ability or the technology to create this Reaper. They are like worker bees, used by the Reapers for labor._ 

“So the Reapers played around with the Protheans' entire genetic makeup just to create slaves for manual work?” Lex felt like he was missing something big, one last piece that would fit together this exquisite corpse.

 _No, Commander. From the data collected thus far, and from your account of the visions given to you on Eden Prime from a Prothean artifact, probability suggests that it is more likely that the Reapers defeated the Protheans fifty thousand years ago, attempted to create a Prothean Reaper, much like this human Reaper, and failed. Instead of wasting such an advanced species, they used them to suit their other needs._ 

“That's it. That's the last detail. The last step of the Harvest.” Lex turned to Miranda. “The tests we have been able to run on the Reapers—not their tech, their actual forms—has shown us that they're not just machines. They're sagacious. Synthetic and organic. They're alive.”

“But what does that mean, Shepard?”

“The Reapers don't just come out of the shadows every few thousand years to kill. They come to create, to reproduce the way their species can. You've heard Harbinger. They've tested turians, krogans, geth, humans—every advanced species in the universe. And when they don't find a species lacking? When we fit their criteria?”

Miranda looked up at the human Reaper, jaw clenching as she took in every tube and wire. “They gather them up to create one whole new Reaper hybrid.” She looked to Lex, scanned cold eyes over the rest of their team. “That will not happen. They will not do to us what they did to the Protheans.”

“EDI, if we destroy this, does this stop this Reaper's creation?”

_It will halt the process, but I cannot say how developed this Reaper is. There is no way of knowing if the human Reaper achieved any sort of awareness. I advise caution when releasing it, Commander._

Bringing the Reaper down was a relatively simple task for Lex. Destroying the main, large tubes suspending it over a large drop within the Main Control brought attention from a few groups of wandering Collectors. Lex didn't waste too much effort on them. Something urgent screamed inside him to destroy the larva Reaper. Buy them time. Put a kink in some of the smug Harbinger's plans. End the construction of a thing Lex knew in his very soul to be absolute evil.

When the last tube blew, Lex and Miranda ignored the remaining Collectors that fell to their teammate's bullets to begin the overload process of the damned base's control consoles. Only when the place joined the rest of the trash floating around Omega 4 would Lex consider the mission complete.

“Zaeed, status report on the ground team.”

_“It's a fucking mess down here, Shepard. Goddamn bugmen keep coming back for more. No one's dead yet. It wouldn't hurt to speed things up at your end, though.”_

“Get everyone to the Normandy. Joker is getting the engines prepped. We're about to blow this place to Hell.”

_“Excellent. See you on the other side of this, Shepard.”_

As silence once more fell around them, Joker's voice drifted into his ear with a crackle of feedback. _“Uh... Shepard, the Illusive Man wants a word. Patching it through.”_

Lex and Miranda exchanged looks of varying confusion. His XO seemed just as surprised. Kaidan lifted his omni-tool and the Illusive Man's visage came in gritty from his projector.

_“Shepard, once again you did the impossible.”_

“I didn't do it alone. Everyone here risked their lives and did just as much for this mission as I did.”

_“Of course.”_

“What do you need? We're a bit busy here. About to make a mad dash for the exit before this all blows.”

_“Looking at the schematics EDI uploaded, it appears you could time a radiation pulse to kill off any surviving Collectors and leave the base and technology intact.”_

A flash of hot dread prickled across the back of Lex's neck and he turned from the console to face the Illusive Man. “Why would I want to do that?”

_“This is our chance to end this war a lot faster, Shepard. We can use their technology, their knowledge, against them.”_

For a moment Lex tried to convince himself he was misunderstanding the Illusive Man but he knew deep down what he was after. “You want to salvage the human Reaper.”

_“Yes, but not just that. The whole base is full of their machinery and data.”_

“No.”

_“Don't be short-sighted, Shepard. You know this is the best way to win: turning their resources against them.”_

“I know what you're thinking, Shepard,” Garrus interjected. “What happened here was an atrocity. But we are still at war. If we blow up the base when it could have been an asset, all these people died for nothing.”

“And where does that stop with you?” Lex turned once more to the Illusive Man. “I haven't forgotten how ruthless you can be, who and what you're willing to sacrifice, with no one to answer to for the decisions you make. I'm sure, given one edge after another, you'll soon justify building your own Reaper.”

_“Perhaps, if it meant saving humanity. Whatever that takes. I've never lied about my priorities to you.”_

“This is too far. No one should have this knowledge.”

_“The same could be said about you, Shepard. I brought you back with what some would say is science too far out of our hands.”_

“I didn't fucking ask to be brought back! And now, you deal with me, with my way of doing things. And I am telling you, there are other ways of winning this war. We are better than the Reapers!” Lex had enough and turned to finish what he started.

_“Doctor Lawson, apprehend your patient. Finish my orders.”_

“I will not. This is an abomination, Sir, and I will not be a part of that. I no longer take orders from you. Kaidan.” On her word, Kaidan ended the signal.

And then it all went to Hell after that. Of course it would happen once Lex set the overload into motion. The platform beneath them shook and for a moment Lex thought they already ran out of time, the base blowing up around them. But it wasn't the overload, an explosion rocking the entire base. Something was moving. Slinking about below. Waking up.

Lex would forever be grateful he never saw the human Reaper in its completion. It shambled and shrieked as it made its way back to them. A hellish glow burned deep and bright in its eyes and Lex felt his scars heat in an answering flare. They didn't wait for it to gather its bearings, opening fire on any weak spots they could find.

**_“PRESERVE SHEPARD'S BODY, IF POSSIBLE.”_ **

Lex turned and dove for cover just as one of Harbinger's biotic attacks blasted where he once stood. They traded gunfire. When the bastard got too close he'd send it screeching for cover as it became engulfed in flames. At one point, Lex got close enough to send one of its arms flying after slicing through it with his omni-blade.

**_“YOU COULD HAVE BEEN USEFUL, SHEPARD.”_ **

“You know, you're actually starting to piss me off.” Lex was forgetting to be afraid as his anger grew. He made quick work of Harbinger's other arm and impaled it on some exposed piping their fighting caused.

**_“THIS PAIN MEANS NOTHING. IT IS AN ILLUSION. RELEASING CONTRO—”_ **

“Oh, no, you don't get to run this time.” Lex grabbed Harbinger by its jaw, relishing the sound of the thing's bones snapping in his grip. Miraculously, Harbinger stayed trapped in the Collector's body. It watched him with dull eyes and Lex smiled at the hatred he found staring back at him. “I want you to see this. I want you to watch and remember what I've done to your efforts.”

Lex turned and unharnessed the M-920 CAIN from its place on his back. He took a breath, settled his nerves and took aim at the weakening Reaper.

**_“I WILL FIND YOU AGAIN, SHEPARD.”_ **

“I'm fucking counting on it.” Lex fired.

It got a little crazy after that. They barely had time to dodge the falling bits of human Reaper before it and everything around them fell on them. Lex pulled Miranda and Garrus away from the crumbling edges of the platform they were on and pushed them to follow everyone out. It didn't seem that long of a trip back to the Normandy. Their way only impeded by a few stragglers. Some Collectors tried to stop them, others seemed to scramble to find a way to save the Reapers' resources.

Lex let out a sob of relief as the exit to this hellscape came into view. Beyond the swirling, dirty winds outside the base, the Normandy waited. He yelled for everyone to keep going, don't stop. Don't wait. Don't look back. Bullets whistled by and some even nicked his armor. But Lex kept running. Relief washed over him as his last teammate made it to the ship. He put on one last burst of speed, cyber implants burning, and he jumped for the hatch.

Lex missed.

The Normandy drifted from his sight, the emptiness of Omega 4 meeting him. Would he feel it when he hit bottom? Would he get sucked into the black? His body shook with a forceful jolt and then he was thrown into the Normandy.

He was Thrown.

His team gave him room to breathe, settle his nerves, but Lex couldn't hear them, see them. He crawled his way to Kaidan, pulling him against his armored chest. Kaidan twitched in his hold, wincing as whatever the L2 was doing to him shocked through his entire body. Blood flowed steady from his eyes, nose and ears.

“Joker!” Lex found his voice once again. “Get us far away from here!”

Lex kept Kaidan within the safe hold of his arms as they tried to survive one more trip through the Omega 4 Relay.

* * * * *

Lex huffed out a deep, satisfied sigh, enjoying the way he always felt after a thorough fuck. Kaidan had yet to pull away, head nestled between his neck and shoulder. Lex smiled and turned to plant a gentle kiss to his ear. He ran a hand through the thick hair at the back of Kaidan's head. Gently he rubbed around that fucking amp port and a shudder ran throughout Kaidan's body and into his. Lex's smile faded as he ran careful fingertips along the outline of hardware.

Had it really been just a few hours ago that all that shit happened? Lex skimmed his hand back up to a safer spot and grabbed some of that amazing hair and gave a gentle, if firm, tug. Kaidan looked up, sleepy and sated.

“You almost fried your brain for me.”

“Yeah.”

“I told you not to. I told you no more. That was an order.”

“M'not your soldier, Alexis.” Kaidan kissed him, seeming to try to pull every last ounce of oxygen out of his lungs. Or maybe trying to steal his soul? He could have it. Lex didn't have much use for it anyway. “If I didn't then what? You'd have been a nice pile of mush.”

“Maybe. But that's the job.”

“Fuck that,” Kaidan scoffed. He leaned up, staring down at him from within the bracket of his arms. “If that's how you wanted it to be, I should've just let you fall. And then I would've followed. Land on your stupid ass when I hit the ground.”

Lex laughed, pulling him back down. “I love you too.”

* * * * *

Kaidan woke up to an empty bed. The rumpled sheets were cold when he reached across to the other side. He didn't bother calling out. The usual signs of Alexis in his quarters weren't there—the smell of strong coffee and the clicking of a keyboard as he wrote up the latest mission report. He was completely alone.

His clothes were easy to find, still on the couch where they were last thrown. Once dressed and a few painkillers swallowed, Kaidan wandered up to the interface by the door.

“Where's Alexis, EDI?”

_Good morning, Kaidan. Commander Shepard wished you to join everyone in the War Room when you were finished resting._

“Of course.” Kaidan stretched his stiff muscles as he rode the elevator down. “Can't have one fucking day off, can we?”

Kaidan's tired grumbling stopped, body growing alert, as he came to the War Room to hear Miranda arguing with EDI.

“EDI, I am giving my authorization to override any commands you were given. Tell me where Shepard is and why we are docked in Illium.”

_We are on Illium because that is the closest major port in Citadel Space from the Omega 4 Relay. I was given orders from Commander Shepard to wait until everyone was present before playing a vid._

They all gathered around the projection screen. Something strange and slippery coiled tight in Kaidan's gut as Lex appeared on screen. Facial hair trimmed and neat. Form fresh and clean with no traces of any previous battles. His Alliance dress blues impeccable. When he spoke, Kaidan swore he felt a biotic hand wrap around his throat.

Lex smiled into the camera. _“To the crew and team for the Collector suicide mission aboard the Normandy SR-2, I would like to give my deepest and sincerest thanks for what you all did for me, with me. Never have I worked with a finer group. It was an honor to fight alongside you. The coming, unforeseeable time is going to be hard. No matter what happens, I will always have your backs. This mission is over and I cannot say what Alliance or Citadel space will do to us for working with whom we did. With Liara's help, I have already begun the process of protecting everyone involved in the mission from the Alliance and Cerberus._

_“Unfortunately, I won't be there to help you personally. Some of you know more than others the details of my mission, and the events that occurred because of it, on Aratoht. Just know, we all came close to having a Reaper invasion then. I did my best to stop it and I did, but thousands died due to my actions. My inaction. To keep peace with non-Alliance and Citadel space, to ensure unity against the coming Harvest, I am handing myself over to Alliance authorities to take the fall for what happened. I have already left for Earth to be apprehended and held for trial._

_“I want it made clear that you all will not be held responsible for my actions. Any agreements Cerberus made with you will be honored. Once again, I want to say what a pleasure it was working with you all and I wish nothing but the best for you in these dark times. This is Commander Alexis Daisuke Shepard, signing off the Normandy SR-2._

Kaidan raged all the way down to the underbelly of Engineering. It was good to have a reputation for being a fucking madman. No one got in his way. They knew to stay the fuck back. Even Kelly didn't try to make him talk about his _feelings_. Goddamn. He was fucking furious. Those were his feelings. He concentrated on the mundane motions of finding his bag and throwing everything important he came to own into it. The process of packing calmed him, kept his mind occupied. It didn't let him dwell on the fact that his fucking chest felt like it was caving in.

He felt like curling up and dying. Pain pulsed through him, but it wasn't the L2 and it wasn't from a blade or bullet. It was new and crippling and terrifying and he was going to throat punch Alexis when he next saw him. Because he would be seeing him again. Soon.

Obviously, Alexis left the way he did because he knew his crew would either try and change his mind or want to come with him for support. Well, fuck him. Alexis said his piece and now he could deal with Kaidan's reaction. Kaidan was so good at reacting. One look from Garrus and he knew they were both catching the same flight to Earth. They would be there for the hearing at least.

He was hurt and scared and so fucking angry. Why did Alexis always have to be so fucking noble? Kaidan turned to grab the key to his armor locker when the interface at the bottom of the stairs activated and EDI's blobby blue head popped up. 

_Kaidan. I have something for you, from Commander Shepard._ That had Kaidan coming closer, slowly, still not able to extinguish his last bit of suspicion for the Cerberus computer. _I was ordered to give you a file and the passcode to access it after I showed the other vid file to everyone else. I was also ordered to erase the file from any of my personal data banks after delivering it to you._

His omni-tool pinged with an incoming message alert just as EDI disappeared. Kaidan sat at his rickety desk and accessed the file titled “Alenko” on his datapad. It was another vid file and Kaidan was almost too afraid to open it. With shaking hands he typed in the passcode.

The vid immediately started up, no fade up from darkness, and Kaidan could hardly breathe. It looked like it had been recorded in the early hours of the morning cycle. He couldn't tell if he was dressed. Alexis was bare-chested as he sat at his desk in his quarters. Scarred and sleepy and sated and so fucking beautiful Kaidan wanted to punch something just to focus on the familiarity of pain instead of whatever the hell the pressure was building inside his entire body. Alexis talked lowly, leaning close to the camera.

_“Hey, Kaidan. By now you know. I have to leave. I don't want to. There's a war going on and I'll fight the Reapers until the day I die or they do, but that doesn't stop me from wanting. If it was up to me, I would never leave your side again. But that's not how things work. And I just wish you'll forgive me for this one day._

_“I want you to know that you are one of the few I trust completely with my life. Everyone always seems to warn me that you'll probably kill me one day. The thing is, they just don't seem to realize that I would let you.”_ Alexis laughed and his smile made something crack a little more in Kaidan, loosen the choking darkness wrapped around his heart. _“What that makes me, I can't say, but I'm not lying. If you wanted to, Kaidan, I would let you destroy me. Body, heart, soul—it's all yours. Even if we're apart, there's nothing that will ever change the way I feel about you._

_“I don't know when or if I'll ever see you again so I need to tell you now. I need you to know how fucking proud of you I am. The pain and horror forced on you should have broke you but it didn't. You were lost for a time, sure, but you were never completely ruined by it. Every day I watched you push against it and I know one day you will break the circle, Kaidan. You're not a mindless weapon. And you can feel. You feel so much. I've witnessed it and I have treasured every moment you gave me. You're a good man, Kaidan, and I hope one day you see that.”_

A noise drifted up from the background, a rustling sort of sound, and the soft look that came over Alexis' face made Kaidan want to scream and tear apart the Normandy with his bare hands. 

_“You're still in bed. Completely out, at peace. I hope I had even just a little bit to do with that. You deserve nothing but peace and happiness and love. I hope you find all of that one day, even if it's not with me.”_ Alexis exhaled a shaky breath and Kaidan could finally see the sadness and fear in his eyes come through. His mask slipping, raw and real and always genuine for Kaidan. _”Goodbye, Kaidan Alenko. Please take care of yourself.”_

The screen went black and Kaidan couldn't stop himself from throwing the datapad across the room and shatter it against the wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not the cheeriest of endings, but I thought it fit better than any happily-for-now ever could. And, like I said, this isn't the end. It's open and not as dark as it could be and we finally had a glimpse inside Kaidan's mind with that last POV switch. I've been waiting to find a good place to do that and I quite like the way it turned out.
> 
> Well, this has been a long, but fun, journey. I'm sorry if I lost some people with my crazy updating. I hope whoever stuck around, or stumbled upon this now, enjoyed the story. See you on the flip-side!
> 
> Come say hey on my [tumblr](http://zharvolk.tumblr.com/)!


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